I originally intended this to be a simple list, but I figured since there are limitations to size in a list (I talk a lot) and I can‘t upload trailers/videos in lists, I may as well do a full write up. I loved the movie “Fight Club” and I felt the itch to take part on the discussion between Brad Pitt and Edward Norton as to which historical figure they’d like to fight. Well, I figured I’ll stick to fictional characters in film, comics and other media. So How am I going to approach this? Well, I figured I’d put myself in a situation within a movie itself. I’ll probably lose most of the time, but who cares?! I just want to fight these characters…mano-o-mano. This write up is for entertainment purposes only and in no way does it reflect that I want to fight the real actor playing the part.
UFC- ULTIMATE FICTIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS Round One
1) Tyler Durden (played by Brad Pitt)- First up, of course, I’ll have to fight the creator of “Fight Club”. Durden plays with no rules and street fighting style definitely would be more Durden’s specialty. Anyone who gets to mastermind “Project Mayhem” should have the craziness and raw intensity to get by even without real training in fighting. I think I may be able to hold my own against Durden but the match can swing either way. Woopak has been in several drag outs.
Predicted Result: DRAW
2) The Undertaker (the wrestling character)- Whenever I see this guy step into the ring in WWE back when I watched the show, I just get intimidated. The character is the most feared wrestler and the man is a legendary phenom. With no wrestling training, woopak would be at the mercy of the Dead Man.
Predicted Result: Woopak runs away-No Contest.
3) BORAT (played by Sacha Baron Cohen)- no one gets to try to put any woman in a sack. I’d like to take Borat on. Although after that gross naked fight scene in the hotel, I do have my misgivings. I think I can take him though, he doesn’t look too tough but I have to learn not to underestimate him, Borat may take off my pants.
Predicted result: Woopak wins.
4) Doctor Manhattan from WATCHMEN (played by Billy Crudup)- Yep, the most powerful meta- human in the “Watchmen” universe. He can control and manipulate matter and has near-Godlike powers. I would be crazy to try to even take him on without any superhuman powers; but the way he is just so smug to be hanging out with his “wang” out just irritates the hell out of me. I’ll take him on even though I get dead and use his giant-sized testicles as punching bags!
Predicted result: Woopak gets vaporized. Lose.
5) Winnie The Pooh- I do not like this orange bear. He is just annoying and I do not like the color orange! This is the perfect example of being “too cute that it makes you puke“. I’d like to take Winnie on in a “submission match’ and putting him in a ‘sharpshooter’. Being a bear, Winnie may have the advantage.
Predicted result: Woopak Loses and gives up.
6) Eric Cartman from “South Park”- this potty-mouthed spoiled brat needs a sound spanking; Asian style! I’m going to wash his mouth with soap and water. His mom is so bitchy that I wouldn’t mind taking them both on together.
Predicted result: Woopak puts Cartman back where he belongs in his 2-dimensional animated form. Win.
7) Black Canary and The Huntress (from BIRDS OF PREY-DC Comics)- I like chicks who can kick my butt. Why not go after two of the most dangerous femme fatales in comics? I know I’ll lose but I have to try and meet them anyway. I have a feeling that they won’t hurt me since they’re heroes. Canary would probably punch me out but the Huntress (I love Brunettes) may just find me adorable.
Predicted Result: No Contest. I get to take The Huntress out on a Date.
BLACK CANARY THE HUNTRESS
Birds of Prey by Ed Benes
8) Donald Duck- Any “duck” who walks around with no pants and then wears a towel after taking a shower deserves to get beaten up. I also get annoyed the way he gets jealous of Mickey Mouse. I am really curious if a duck can fight.
Predicted Result: Woopak loses to Daisy Duck.
9) The Nameless Assassin in “SPL” (played by Wu Jing)- You wouldn’t believe how many times I watched the iconic “Donnie Yen vs. Wu Jing” alleyway fight. Win, Lose or Draw, I want to be in Inspector Ma’s shoes.
Predicted Result: Woopak gets cut to Pieces. Lose.
10) The Joker (played by Heath Ledger)- First, I would like to ask him how he got his scars and then I would ask him “why so serious?”. Being a bad guy, the Joker will probably call in his goons to take me out but I don’t care. He is an agent of chaos and I just want to fight him and get a few punches in.
Predicted Result: Woopak gets taken to ARKHAM ASYLUM by Batman.
11) Sadako (from the J-Horror film RINGU)- Any ghost that can some out of a television set has to be one scary ghoul. I’ll take him out with a knee blow while she comes out of the TV and then give her a roundhouse kick.
Predicted Result: Sadako stops Woopak’s heart and dies. Lose.
12) Jules Winnfield from “Pulp Fiction” (played by Samuel L. Jackson) - Actually I don’t want to fight Jules, he is just too cool. But I will fight him if I have to just find out the contents of that briefcase. I’d like to have sausage and pancakes with him.
Predicted Result: Jules shoots Woopak for asking about the briefcase. Lose.
I guess the moral of the write up is to never underestimate your opponent. Hey, two wins aren’t so bad. We all have out urges to fight at times, but learn to pick your fights. I wonder if I’ll make it on pay-per-view? LOL
What did you think of this review?
Fun to Read
What's your opinion on Which Fictional Character Would You Like...?