AdamHunnicutt
"Bullet Time"
The groundbreaking 1999 science fiction film directed by Andy and Larry Wachowski.
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Alien
Aliens
Blade Runner
Akira
Ghost in the Shell
The Terminator
Robocop
Total Recall
Paprika
Predator
Solaris (1972 Tarkovski film, not the 2002 remake with George Clooney)
Stalker
2001: A Space Odyssey
THX-1138
Leave this derivative, poisonous pap on the store shelves.
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PLOT
As so many who've censured this flick have noted, cows - which are docile, produce more energy and haven't so advanced an intelligence to tenaciously manipulate - are far more ideal species for enslavement by the movie's mechanized antagonists.
CHARACTERS
Each a stock archetype with nearly no persona or quirks thereof, the character set here is actually ideal: most of the cast are best likened to a lumberyard, anyhow.
LACK OF ORIGINALITY
See also: Neuromancer, The Invisibles, Barca's Life is a Dream, etc. Plato's Allegory of the Cave is also to be credited, as well as numerous other sources with which I'm not familiar, but enthusiasts thereof have fumed in regard to the Wachowskis.
Streaming monochrome lime data text was a cliche when utilized to risible excess in this flick's production design; even Oshii hesitated to implement it in Ghost in the Shell in '95, fearing it was already passe.
As for the marketplace shootout in GitS, the Wachowskis entirely failed to note that scene's undercurrent of social tension, as it occurs in a Chinatown of enduring resistance to Japanese cultural integration - a dynamic that hasn't such import in North America. Again, melons are exploded by gunshot...!
HOKEY ACTING
I concur that Fishburne and Joey Pants are the only able actors of their cast, but both are directed so poorly, that much is almost indiscernable. Despite his redoubtable presence, Larry's nearly so stiff as his castmates and burdened with pretentious, tediously circuitous dialogue. Pantoliano always excels as a loathsome figure, and his role here not only telegraphs his intent as predictably as any (every) other plot twist, but reduces him to a one-dimensional traitor. In my opinion, Memento was Nolan's weakest effort, but his decision to cast Pantoliano against type was an inspired decision to which the Wachowskis couldn't aspire.
LACK OF INTELLIGENT CONTENT
Even the shuttlecraft Narcissus in Alien was christened with thematic intent! Here, teenage notions of fashion were more prominent than motif when these characters were named.
Baudrillard posited that his text was misinterpreted here, and anyone who's read his book with comprehension will indubitably agree, and note in turn the oversimplification of the Wachowskis' erroneous interpretation.
Never mind that "bullet time" only resembles an especially dull sequence in a third person shooter; slow-motion of various forms had existed for over ninety years before this film was shot, invented by August Musger and famously realized with far more artful technique by Pudovkin, Kurosawa and Peckinpah.
As for its excessive exposition - have you noticed that as a result of its copious explication via dialogue, this film and its successors have no subtext whatsoever?!
SOUNDTRACK
At least the musical selections are unintentonally funny. Prominent in everyone's favorite philosophical masterwork: Rob Zombie's Dragula! At the end of my first viewing, I couldn't stop laughing at the noise of Morello's obnoxious counterfeit Jimmy Page riffs (themselves shameless imitations of Willie Dixon, B.B. King, Otis Rush, Elmore James, etc.) and de la Rocha's grade-school nasal shriek during the end credits. Fight the powah whilst consuming and propagating corporate-produced and distributed music and cinema, MAAAAAAAAAAAN!
BORING ACTION SCENES
You've noted what I should have: all tension throughout the film is undermined by a complete dearth of character appeal. Had the lot of them perished, I'd feel nothing.
Here's a challenge to enthusiasts of this picture: watch Fight Club, The Wild Bunch, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Police Story, Heat, Return of the Jedi, Okamoto's unfinished adaptation of Daibosatsu Toge, any chanbara flick helmed by Misumi or Kobayashi or Kurosawa, nearly everything that John Woo produced prior to his precipitous Hollywood decline or John Carpenter's every action flick preceding the unfortunate Escape From L.A., then tell me that The Matrix is especially exciting.
It may well be the most overrated major motion picture yet produced...but I still haven't seen Titanic...!
To add to the "traitor" in Joey Pants's character, it shows him in a luxurious restaurant in the Matrix, and when it shows how good that life is, you begin to think that maybe the "real world" isn't so great, so why are we supposed to root for Fishburne and his cronies to "unplug" everybody?