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More of the Dumbest Movies I've Ever Seen (... The List Continues...)

  • Oct 5, 2009
You asked for it... and here it is. Part II of my "Dumbest Movies I've Ever Seen" series. This one gets a double "duh?!"... duh?!
One of the very worst remakes I've ever seen. Not to mention, the dumbest monster movie I've seen in some time and that includes those horrible direct-to-video releases. Roland Emmerich isn't popular with intellectual film fans for a reason, folks!
See Spot Run
Quite likely the worst film made for children that I've ever seen. Nothing spells family togetherness like gangsters, dog shit, and (literal) emasculation, right? Witness the deterioration of intelligence and good taste right here.
Independence Day
Overly long, overly expensive, overly bloated with stars, and overly mind-numbing. Quite possibly one of the most overrated films I've seen and easily one of the dumbest. Even the presence of a great cast couldn't save this alien movie from falling into the "films I'd never watch again" category.
Mr. Deeds
Another extremely dumb, and somewhat offensive, remake. This one stars post-funny Adam Sandler and post-theft Winona Ryder. Not only do all the attempts at humor fall flat, but so does the love story and the supposed moral message.
Mouse Hunt
Another offensive and stupid children's film. This time we still have all of the sexual innuendo and potty humor that one might expect, but add in a great cast, all of which should be ashamed of this film, and the end result is a film that I'd like to erase from my memory and the planet alike.
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
Obviously, you can't expect much from a film that's based on a video game, but this was an insult to fans of the game series as well as to fans of movies. Angelina Jolie may have a hot body, but this film left me cold as a corpse. Not only was there no real story or characterization, but the entire plot made about as much sense as a screen door on a submarine.
Eragon (movie)
Totally and absolutely unoriginal. Far too derivative of films like "Star Wars" and books like "The Prydain Chronicles", this film fell into unbearable badness in the first cliched ten minutes. As a fantasy fan, this movie (and the book upon which it's based) is so redundant that it seems pointless to include it here, except that I'd like to warn others of the general lameness. Note to Rachel Weisz: Don't do the sequel, it's beneath you!
Jurassic Park III
Thankfully, Spielberg decided not to direct this third film in the JP trilogy as it was even worst than the second. What went wrong? Well, there's the cheesy dialogue, the general repetitiveness of the story, the silly special effects (yes, those were pink and purple dinosaurs), and let's not forget that awful dream sequence with the talking velociraptor. Still, this film is watchable, which is more than I can say for many of the others on this list.
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
The first two films were hilarious and exciting, but this one somehow completely missed the target. Bad jokes, unoriginal action sequences, and a truly bizarre development with the bleoved Jack Sparrow character make this Johnny Depp's worst movie since "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". And since when does leaving out vital information about a film's ending actually benefit the audience?
Fast and the Furious
It's true, I could have added the entire series to this list and this was easily the best of the series, but that ain't saying much since it still makes me want to become an amnesiac after viewing it. If only the memory of this film would go as fast as the cars in it!

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October 26, 2010
Great list Count, I actually like some of these though. While it is true you could put the F&TF [#10] on here the first in my opinion is not the best.
October 09, 2009
YES, YES, YES! It isn't Ed Wood who is the King of Bad movies, it's Roland Emmerich!
October 10, 2009
Well, Ed Wood is the king of bad movies that are fun to watch if you're into satire. Roland Emmerich is the king of bad movies that only people of lesser intelligence will enjoy... is that pretentious or is it just true?
October 10, 2009
Emmerich is pretentious. I was so sure that he was the one behind 2012, but it turns out it's your old buddy Michael Bay. How'd it ever get past Emmerich?
October 10, 2009
Hmmm... actually I think it is Emmerich behind 2012.  But now you've given me a new nightmare... what if Michael Bay and Roland Emmerich are teaming up on it?  HOLY GOD!  Then it really WILL be the end of days.  
October 10, 2009
Ew! You're right. I checked. Someone told me it was Bay, but it always sounded like Emmerich to me.
October 10, 2009
Yeah, if it's big gaping disasters (with the exception of Eight Legged Freaks) it's usually Emmerich.
October 10, 2009
I hate to admit it but I kinda liked EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS, although I can't really remember why. I must have laughed a couple of times would be my guess.
October 13, 2009
Were you intoxicated at the time? ; )
October 13, 2009
Stone cold sober.
October 13, 2009
Why would you submit yourself to such torture?!
October 13, 2009
It wasn't that bad. I've seen all of Emmerich's movies too. Better you should ask why I did THAT!
October 13, 2009
Well, I could ask you that but I can't expect a logical answer, can I?
October 13, 2009
There is none.
October 13, 2009
October 05, 2009
You know, it's weird... ever since I met you on lunch it's like someone dived into my mind.  I look at all your ratings and such and it seems we're in the same ball park with almost everything.  I used to like Independence Day as a kid.  When it came out it was the shit.  Now I watch it and I can't stop picking at it... Two hours and Forty Five minutes just for Jeff Goldblum to figure out you can go into the mother ship and give it a virus and it'll affect all the smaller ships below?  THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY DAMN SENSE! 
October 05, 2009
My favorite snafu in that film was in the scene where Will Smith in the mothership near the end. So, there he is in one of the alien fighter ships and he goes to shoot the mothership and for some unexplained reason there's an American missile in the fighter ship. Since when do aliens go for less technologically advanced weaponry, especially that of the race that they're attacking? No sense at all.
October 05, 2009
You know... we should've lost that freakin' war with the Aliens.  Seriously.  They have ALL this technology and they lose because someone figures out a little jet can plug up their primary weapon and blow up an alien ship... if that's the case... did we really have to go through all that mumbo jumbo with the whole virus thing (and why it only works for a few minutes is beyond me... and never explained)
October 05, 2009
I'm still not really clear why the aliens would want to come here and destroy the human race. Their weapons were so destructive that any natural resources that they might have been seeking would also have been destroyed. So, why bother blowing us up unless they were just sadistic aliens that like to blow shit up?
October 09, 2009
Guys, forget all that shit. It was just plain old bad--boring and derivitive. And I could see that hackneyed WAR OF THE WORLDS ending coming a mile away.
October 09, 2009
Yeah, that too.
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