Much like an unwanted sequel courtesy of Hollywood studio execs, here is my own sequel to my list The 3 Biggest Baddest Movies of 2012 (hopefully they aren't really bad)!... but this time the films are more than likely to be bad, really bad. With my last list I gave a sneak peek at what I expect will be the three big contenders for the best blockbusters of the year 2012, however, with this list I have ventured into the dreaded nether regions and predicted what will be the biggest box office and critical duds of the year. Hollywood has had a long love affair with taking popular culture and stealing anything inspiration they can for films. Whether that inspiration come from comic books, novels, the music industry, television, or even other films. The sad truth is that in Hollywood nothing is sacred and anything and everything that can be exploited for a buck will be. Hence the endless stream of sequels, prequels, spin-offs, reboots, remakes, and imitation block busters. Yet we keep shelling out our hard-earned money for this tripe. Why? Who knows, but maybe we just like sitting in a large dark room with other people and eating popcorn. 2012 looks to be a good year for popcorn sellers, but not necessarily a good year for film critics.
Poor Kristen Stewart. Apparently coming to the realization that her short-lived stardom may be at a close due to the finale of the Twilight Saga, she immediately jumped into what looks very much like a Twilight-styled rip-off. As if we didn't have enough reasons to hate that series, which has already been responsible for a slew of terrible romantic fantasies aimed at teen audiences (Beastly and Red Riding Hood) and now along comes Stewart and this time she's dumped Edward Cullen for Thor. No really. From what I've seen, this film intends to romantically pair Kristen Stewart as Snow White with Chris Hemsworth as the Huntsman and together they will learn to love each other and battle the Evil Queen played by Charlize Theron. Am I the only one who thinks the armor and shield in the photo below look as though they were stolen off the set of The Lord of the Rings? Actually, I can't decide whether this is ripping off Twilight, The Lord of the Rings, Alice in Wonderland, Beastly, Red Riding Hood, or just simply every fantasy film in the past 8 years. On the upside, in comparison with this utter waste of money Twilight will actually look rather good (never thought I'd type that).
Why, why, why must Hollywood filmmakers turn to classic TV shows and then remake them as stupid movies? We've seen this with everything from The Brady Bunch to Miami Vice, from Scooby Doo to The A-Team, from i-Spy to Charlie's Angels. Now, 2012 offers us a completely unnecessary and predictably trashy remake of the classic teen drama 21 Jump Street, which was the series that first brought Johnny Depp to stardom. From what I've read the film will be based on the TV series of the same name, only the filmmakers intend to infuse it with a higher level of violence, sex, and adult humor. The cast thus far is rather odd comprising of Jonah Hill and Ice Cube and, of course, would not be complete without a cameo from Depp himself. To add to the over all level of weirdness (I get the feeling that the studio execs who greenlit this were drunk at the time) the film is being directed by the same guys who did the kid friendly cartoon Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. I've yet to see a truly great film based upon a TV series and this one just sounds too strange and superfluous.
As if the first film weren't a travesty on its own, now comes the sequel again starring the horribly miscast Nicolas Cage as Johnny Blaze / Ghost Rider. As most fans will tell you, the first movie, which was directed by Mark Steven Johnson, was a huge letdown and took the concept of the Marvel Comics supernatural anti-hero into a very odd and unexpected direction. Rather than being a horror/action film about a desperate young man who becomes possessed by a demon, the film became a silly exercise in bad special effects, poor writing, and sloppy acting. Since Columbia Pictures has learned its lesson (?) and hired new writers and new directors to helm the sequel. Rumor has it that this film will be more serious and darker in tone than the original and that it will feature the Danny Ketch character from the comics. However, before fans get too excited, from what I've read it's likely that the Danny Ketch character may in fact be very different from that in the comics since he was referred to as Johnny Blaze's son rather than his long-lost little brother. Ye gods, will filmmakers never realize the value of not pissing off comic fans by messing with the characters and story?!