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Big Stars, Bad Movies

  • Sep 9, 2011
Every big star out there makes a movie that is embarrassing, bad, unfunny or just plain lame. Action stars, comedy stars, drama stars, it doesn't matter. Everyone has made a stinker.
1
Raw Deal (1986)
Arnold goes undercover in the mob to disrupt it's activities and as cool as that sounds, it's boring and lame that ends in a Commando style shoot out that means you should have just watched Commando and had fun instead.
See the full review, "Hows this for a Raw Deal, watching an Arnie movie thats awful when nothing better is on?".
2
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
It might be unfair to say this is Samuel L Jackson's movie alone since he's only in so much but no bad movie list would be complete without this pouty and wangsty movie that only picks up any steam in it's final act and by then it looks just like a video game. I'll stay home and play one instead.
See the full review, "So when Obi Wan said "He was a good friend" he COULDN'T have meant the guy in this movie.".
3
All About Steve
Sandra Bullock spends most of this movie running around in hooker boots, with highlights in her hair and a t shirt........the movie still sucks. I can give it points for trying to be different but somedays points aren't enough.
See the full review, "NO, hate....this....movie.....doesn't matter.....how....hot.....Bullock is........NO!!".
4
Rocky V
Stallone's most famous character in what for a while was the finale to the series makes him such an underdog that you think Rocky might die by the end, and that almost happened. Too much brain damage and careless financial handlings puts ol' Rocko in the poor house and never does the movie really come out and make you get as invested as you should because with Rocky in the background, you don't care.
See the full review, ""Drrr Adrin wut happind ind ere?"".
5
On Deadly Ground
Oh sure, pick ANY Seagal movie? Okay, how about this one, the one he got to make during his 15 minutes of fame in this lame environmental movie where we see an old guy horribly tortured, Michael Caine looking ashamed and Seagal saving the environment by blowing up an oil platform. Don't forget the speech at the end.
See the full review, "Alaska has to worry about the EGO spill, and not the oil.".
6
The Adventures of Pluto Nash
Eddie Murphy's big budget comedy crashed like an atom bomb when released. No matter how many would be clever ideas the movie had, it's boring, not funny and real hackneyed. I like Murphy, but the guy needs to ditch family movies and go back to his 80's roots of being funny.
7
Batman & Robin
I'm not leaving out Clooney by a longshot. The most rage inducing superhero movie ever isn't THAT bad, but the bad rep comes more from Ah-nulds hamming it up with bad jokes, over production and it's kid friendly atmosphere. I'll give it credit for the scenes with Alfred and trying to move Batman movies past his parent's death, but this one is the weakest of the 6 Batmans anyway you slice it dice it or wave a Bat Credit card at it.
See the full review, "Holy Guano Batman!".
8
Little Nicky
Holy Moly an Adam Sandler movie can be funny, annoying or usually both but this movie loaded with dumb cameos, BAD product placement, annoyance and tastelessness pushes the limits. You can only watch Sandler mumble lispy lines with a weird face for so long.
9
Seven Pounds
Will Smith went for that Oscar Gold in this mopey as FU** tale about a tortured man who is doing.......something. When you find out what Smith is up to, you will curse yourself for having wasted time watching such a movie. Smith ended up doing a lot of producing after this before, hopefully a big comeback with Men in Black 3 next year.
10
Swordfish
The movie where Halle Barry shows her breasts oh and I think there was a heist going on, but in the end, this movie sucks. Travolta also has some balls to talk about crappy movies at the beginning of this, considering how much crap he's made in the past.
11
Hudson Hawk
I found some joy in this vanity vehicle for Bruce Willis but it's too silly and too wacky to really be all that good. Played more straight and with more scenes with Danny Aiello, this could have been a great movie.
See the full review, "One of those Charlie Brown Christmas Tree movies".
12
The Cable Guy
Lispy? How could I forget!? Jim Carrey got $20 million for this black comedy dud that goes for too much dark and not enough funny. Jim Carrey is annoying and Matthew Broderick is his buddy who regrets the friendship quick. Yikes. Look for Jeanine Garofolo being bitchy (big stretch) Andy Dick ruining any scene he's in (big shock) and Carrey to be not funny.
13
Jack
Robin Williams, is a child who grows too fast. That means Robin gets to act like a child and thats not good. Yoyos way too much between the humor of Jack screwing around with kids who are supposed to be his age, while dealing with the drama of Jack's medical condition. Is it for serious adults or little kids? Who knows or cares.
14
My Super Ex-Girlfriend
Uma Thurman is a Superman type who saves the city she lives in, and falls in love with some dork. Lame jokes cripple what could have been an awesome idea. Oh, and WHY does Uma have a different costume on everytime she saves the day?
15
The Hot Chick (2002)
Ahh Rob Schneider. The man with no major career without his best friend Adam Sandler, a man who can single handedly ruin almost anything hes in....and this movie that hes in sucks. I mean BADLY. I laughed not once, not even by accident.

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September 20, 2011
Great list. Yeah, All About Steve was made the same year she won the Oscar for that football movie. I wrote a review for All About Steve too. Stunk. I kinda liked Attack of the Clones but you're right about the Ex-Girlfriend film being just plain stupid. Batman & Robin: when Batgirl puts on her tight uniform, I'd give it a three, LOL.

September 21, 2011
Alicia Silverstone had no business being in that movie looking the way she did. Who does she think she is, Marlon Brando?
September 21, 2011
The cheesy lines alone were worth the price of popcorn!
 
September 20, 2011
Great list, John! My least faves of the list are 7, 8, and 15. Some of these I haven't seen- thank GOD lol!
September 21, 2011
Little Nicky is more annoying then it is bad, but it's still bad and Rob Schneider is awful in just about anything.
September 21, 2011
Amen to that, Rob Schneider should never have left SNL. I can't believe he's still getting roles...just goes to show you that you don't need talent to be in film lol Maybe I should go back to it ;p
September 22, 2011
The last thing that I know of that Schneider did that didn't have anything to do with Sandler was straight to video if I'm not mistaken. Adam Sandler, his real life friend is the only reason that the guy still gets work.
 
September 09, 2011
oh my...let's see...the movie I hate the most on this list will have to be # 3, 2 and 7. I haven't seen Pluto Nash and Jack in their entirety. Nice one, John!
September 09, 2011
Oh yeah. I had fun making this list too. Proof that everyone has a dud.
 
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1
About the list creator
John Nelson ()
Ranked #5
Born in Wausau Wisconsin. Move at an early age to Ventura California and lived for 8 years. Growing up in a big city landscape didn't prepare me for my next move: Archbold Ohio with a population of … more
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