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Condensed Cinematic Crap, Courtesy of EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE

  • Jun 2, 2012
Violently torn from the videocassettes of the Internet's most deranged culture jammers, these brief clips exhibit the highlights of recondite inanity previously inaccessible to the viewing public! Enjoy, sinners.
1
The Hugga Bunch
An obnoxious, unloved child follows a demented puppet through her mirrah into the depths of hell.


2
The Killing of Satan
Whilst on vacation, a Filipino everyman murders the Prince of Darkness.


3
Supervan
High on life, a gas station attendant abandons his lucrative post to enter a solar-powered van in a van competition. Also: Charles Bukowski wins a wet T-shirt contest.


4
Death Drug
Prior to his career in law enforcement, PCP junkie Philip Michael Thomas terrorized grocery store patrons and jousted a tractor trailer.


5
The Unborn II
For no apparent reason, an innocent toddler is wrongly condemned by a cruel and uncaring society.


6
G. Whilliker!
In this family-friendly fare, a harmless dog is murdered.


7
Dream Trap
While dreaming his troubles away, a socially retarded nerd suddenly realizes that he's an abject virgin.


8
Beaks: The Movie
As its title suggests, Beaks is similar to Birdemic...yet better.


9
Blind Side
After creepy Ron Silver tongues Rebecca De Mornay's back, creepy Rutger Hauer flirts her bottle and engages a hot tub electrocution shooting gallery.


10
Ghosthouse
Who you gonna call? HAM RADIO OPERATOR!


11
Words fail me.


12
When he isn't dreaming about a hitman contracted to terminate him, a bumbling composer dreams of writing a hit song for an asshole rock star.


13
Freeway Maniac
HE KILLS AND KILLS AND KILLS AND STEALS CARS AND KILLS AND KILLS AND EATS SNAKES AND KILLS AND KILLS AND KILLS and gently helps elderly women out of their cars AND KILLS AND KILLS AND KILLS AND KILLS AND KILLS AND KILLS


14
Private Obsession
After imprisoning a bitch supermodel and furnishing her with gourmet meals and expensive clothing, a loquacious fruitcake watches her bathe in the shower. Oh, and he kills some people.


15
Honor and Glory
Violent shenanigans abound in this martial arts legal thriller, in which a blended cast of Americans and Hong Kong folk compete to underact while kicking the shit out of each other.


16
My Pet Monster
Here's more kiddie crap; like so much Harry Potter twaddle, it makes no sense whatsoever.


17
Can It Be Love
Two unpleasant idiots help a horse-faced detective find a birthmark while evading the worst Schwarzenegger impressionist on the face of the planet.


18
Kandyland
In this Showgirls prequel, Elisabeth Shue's doppelganger is catapulted to local exotic dancing fame by her success in a tit competition while her boyfriend Wiseaus pathetically. Also: GRAPPLING GALLAGHER


19
The Bermuda Triangle
Here's another Rene Cardona, Jr. crapstravaganza in which John Huston, a boy who speaks with a midget woman's voice and a bunch of morons are terrorized by sea ghosts.


20
Jungle Fever (1991)
Sadly, Flipper had but $1.82 in his pocket just then...


21
Who knew that William Randolph Hearst hoarded gorilla blood for years for just such an eventuality?!


22
Left Behind - The Movie
If this isn't the best feature of this picture's DVD, I can't imagine what might be.


24
Kazaam
Lesson learned: if you free your genie, you will be disintegrated.


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June 05, 2012
where is TROLL 2 LOL
June 09, 2012
Unfortunately, Troll 2 and Tough Guys Don't Dance were widely recognized for their inanity well before EIT came to prominence!
 
June 04, 2012
Man, these were some really dreadful movies. The only one I was immediately familiar with was My Pet Monster, and that's mainly because the Nostalgia Critic reviewed that one back in November of 2010. Death Drug was probably the most amusing one you put up here. Great list!!
June 09, 2012
Thank you! My personal favorites of these abridged turds are Blind Side and Honor and Glory, but little else trumps Philip Michael Thomas' lunatic freakout for ill-conceived amusement. Feel free to revisit here every so often, as I'll be adding more listings and EIT videos thereof until this list reaches its 35-item limit.
 
June 02, 2012
This is GENIUS, Snuudles! ^-^ Great Jobbie! ^-^ Heehee! ^-^ Muu! ^-^ ♥ Annusya ♥
June 02, 2012
Thank you, snus! This was fun; I ought prepare more lists of this sort for evening viewings when we're parted.
June 02, 2012
You're welcomesies, Snusles! ^-^ Yes, it sure is! :D Definitely! These are so neat and are fantastic activities for us when we're at our own housies or even when we're at eachother's housies, heehee! ^-^

Muu! ^-^

♥ Annusya ♥
 
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About the list creator
Robert Buchanan ()
Ranked #21
I'm a bibliophile, ailurophile, inveterate aggregator, dedicated middlebrow and anastrophizing syntax addict. My personality type is that of superlative INTJ.
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