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Movie Hype » Lists » Condensed Cinematic Crap, Courtesy of EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE
Condensed Cinematic Crap, Courtesy of EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE
-
Jun 2, 2012
- by rbuchanan
- posted in Movie Hype
Violently torn from the videocassettes of the Internet's most deranged culture jammers, these brief clips exhibit the highlights of recondite inanity previously inaccessible to the viewing public! Enjoy, sinners.
1
An obnoxious, unloved child follows a demented puppet through her mirrah into the depths of hell.
2
Whilst on vacation, a Filipino everyman murders the Prince of Darkness.
3
High on life, a gas station attendant abandons his lucrative post to enter a solar-powered van in a van competition. Also: Charles Bukowski wins a wet T-shirt contest.
4
Prior to his career in law enforcement, PCP junkie Philip Michael Thomas terrorized grocery store patrons and jousted a tractor trailer.
5
For no apparent reason, an innocent toddler is wrongly condemned by a cruel and uncaring society.
6
In this family-friendly fare, a harmless dog is murdered.
7
While dreaming his troubles away, a socially retarded nerd suddenly realizes that he's an abject virgin.
8
As its title suggests, Beaks is similar to Birdemic...yet better.
9
After creepy Ron Silver tongues Rebecca De Mornay's back, creepy Rutger Hauer flirts her bottle and engages a hot tub electrocution shooting gallery.
10
Who you gonna call? HAM RADIO OPERATOR!
11
Words fail me.
12
When he isn't dreaming about a hitman contracted to terminate him, a bumbling composer dreams of writing a hit song for an asshole rock star.
13
HE KILLS AND KILLS AND KILLS AND STEALS CARS AND KILLS AND KILLS AND EATS SNAKES AND KILLS AND KILLS AND KILLS and gently helps elderly women out of their cars AND KILLS AND KILLS AND KILLS AND KILLS AND KILLS AND KILLS
14
After imprisoning a bitch supermodel and furnishing her with gourmet meals and expensive clothing, a loquacious fruitcake watches her bathe in the shower. Oh, and he kills some people.
15
Violent shenanigans abound in this martial arts legal thriller, in which a blended cast of Americans and Hong Kong folk compete to underact while kicking the shit out of each other.
16
Here's more kiddie crap; like so much Harry Potter twaddle, it makes no sense whatsoever.
17
Two unpleasant idiots help a horse-faced detective find a birthmark while evading the worst Schwarzenegger impressionist on the face of the planet.
18
In this Showgirls prequel, Elisabeth Shue's doppelganger is catapulted to local exotic dancing fame by her success in a tit competition while her boyfriend Wiseaus pathetically. Also: GRAPPLING GALLAGHER
19
Here's another Rene Cardona, Jr. crapstravaganza in which John Huston, a boy who speaks with a midget woman's voice and a bunch of morons are terrorized by sea ghosts.
20
Sadly, Flipper had but $1.82 in his pocket just then...
21
Who knew that William Randolph Hearst hoarded gorilla blood for years for just such an eventuality?!
22
If this isn't the best feature of this picture's DVD, I can't imagine what might be.
24
Lesson learned: if you free your genie, you will be disintegrated.
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About the list creator
Robert Buchanan (rbuchanan)
Ranked #23
Ranked #23
My personality type is INTJ. I'm a bibliophile. I like cats!
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