It is possible to see good films during the first six months of any given year. You just have to know where to find them. Unfortunately, bad films are all too easy to spot, and it really doesn't matter what time of the year it is. Here now is my list of the ten worst films I saw during the first half of 2012, from January 1 through June 30.
Essentially of the junior division of You Got Served, here is a grossly implausible and incredibly disturbing film in which young male dancers are fetishized in music video-like dance routines. This is the most preposterous, exploitive, cloying, artificial film of its kind since Standing Ovation.
See the full review, "Dance, Boys! Dance!".
Although this film correctly and accurately addresses America's failings, it offers a solution so venomous and morally reprehensible that it surpasses mere parody and becomes a full-blown case of cinematic intolerance.
See the full review, "Goldthwait's Final Solution".
Here is a movie so flimsy in premise, so poorly written, and so badly acted that it achieves a perverse level of hilarity. To watch this movie is to witness the birth of a cult classic, one that's sure to play in midnight movie houses while audiences make fun of it mercilessly.
See the full review, "The Antichrist Gets Served".
On the basis of this film, writers/directors/stars Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim have never heard an actual joke in their lives. They may not even know what a joke is. The movie basically consists of two men and a roster of guest stars sinking to the lowest depths of crudeness in a desperate plea for attention.
See the full review, "With That Kind of Money, You'd Think They Could Afford a Real Joke".
This is not a movie so much as a recruitment video, commissioned by the Navy's Special Warfare Command as an initiative to increase the sign-up rate for the Navy SEALs. This is a reprehensible example of pro-American propaganda masquerading as an action film.
See the full review, "All-American Propaganda".
Watching this movie is a little like being trapped in an arcade game and having absolutely no control over it. The characters, developed solely on shallow and overused clichés, are essentially targets in a shooting gallery, most of them serving no purpose apart from awaiting their cue to die in a savage attack.
See the full review, "A Morass of Senseless Carnage".
This is a pathetic new low for Adam Sandler, representative of nothing apart from a desperate plea for attention. With its bizarre blending of disgusting toilet humor and heartfelt moments of drama, it exemplifies a complete lack of understanding on the filmmakers' part about who the movie was intended for.
See the full review, "How Do We Make Statutory Rape Funny?".
A deplorable example of exploitation, cruelty, and nihilism masquerading as philosophy. Here is a "survivalist" story in which the survivors are given the same reverence as horror movie victims, who appear to have depth and yet are merely awaiting their turn to die on cue.
See the full review, "Attack of the Killer Wolves!".
On the levels of narrative, structure, theme, and characterization, this movie is profoundly wrongheaded. It regards the decision to have a child not as a serious commitment but as the basis of a social experiment.
See the full review, "Casual Parenting".
With a plot that doesn't even try to make sense, one of the worst performances of Nicolas Cage's career, and dialogue so excruciatingly juvenile it's as if the screenplay had been written by fifteen-year-olds with short attention spans, this movie is painfully bad on all levels.
See the full review, "Look! He Can Pee Fire!".
Growing up a shy kid in a quiet suburb of Los Angeles, Chris Pandolfi knows all about the imagination. Pretend games were always the most fun for him, especially on the school playground; he and his … more