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Just a Few of the Dumbest Movies I've Ever Seen (Don't Worry There Are More to Come...)

  • Aug 25, 2009
Duh?!
1
Glen or Glenda?
From the twisted mind of Edward D. Wood, Jr. comes this gender-bending tale... that really is as bizarre as a drunken trip to a carnival of transvestites. What started off as a wholehearted attempt to explain cross-dressing to a conservative and prejudiced culture, devolved into an incoherent mess of a film that has to be seen to be believed.
2
Howard the Duck
Oh, where to start? Should I begin with the pathetic acting, the lame plot, the bad special effects, or the offensive and just plain assinine humor?
3
Bachelor Party
Stupid, raunchy, offensive, and quite easily Tom Hanks' worst film. When you've got drunken debauchery, donkeys, strip clubs, and Hanks, you know something's gone horribly wrong.
4
Theatrical poster
You take a great director (Steven Spielberg), a great producer (George Lucas), a great cast (Harrison Ford, Cate Blanchett, and Karen Allen), and a great franchise (Indiana Jones)... and you end up with this drivel? So, so very sad. The death of a die hard Indy fan.
See the full review, "What's the Archaeological Term for Excrement?".
5
Transformers
Stupid is as Michael Bay does. What Spielberg was thinking when he produced this, I really don't know.
6
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
If you're curious how to alienate your most diehard fans, learn from a pro... George Lucas second prequel to the classic Star Wars trilogy is a painfully loud, unsubtle, poorly acted and written piece of a sci-fi travesty. If you want to cringe until it hurts watch this along with Episode I after seeing the original films.
7
Blade: Trinity
Oddly enough, the first two films were quite enjoyable, and you'd think that the fact that the writer of those first two would be able to make a decent third film entry in the series. Nope.
8
Armageddon
Leave it to Michael Bay to appear on this list more than once. How they got the amazing cast is still a mystery... $$$$... or is it?
9
Poster
Another classic B-film from Ed Wood. This one's a mind-numbingly stupid sci-fi film made with all of the passion that the inept director could muster.
10
Pearl Harbor
Look, it's our friend Michael Bay again. Don't we just love that guy?! Now, I'm something of an avid student of history and I don't recall ever having read about the Japanese bombing of an American love triangle (I thought it was the Pacific Fleet that they attacked).

What did you think of this list?

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Post a Comment
September 27, 2009
I gotta agree with Queenie... no Roland Emmerich?  He's like Michael Bay if Michael Bay thought of himself as a genius (does Michael Bay think he's a genius?).  I think you should put Transformer: Revenge of the Fallen on here too.  Even if you haven't seen it just throw it on here because it IS that freakin' dumb.  You don't even have to see it to lose IQ points, you just have to have heard something about it.  
September 28, 2009
Well, personally I'd feel a little silly putting another Michael Bay film on this list... so I'll save it for list #2 "More of the Dumbest Movies I've Ever Seen"! LOL! The only Bay film that I've liked thus far was "The Island" and that wasn't original in the least, but it did have some brains.
 
September 05, 2009
The only one I haven't seen in this list is "Plan 9" and seems like I made the right decision.
September 08, 2009
No, no. See it, see it. You'll die laughing! It'll be great!!! I can just see the headline now: "On-line reviewer killed by instantaneous laughter while watching a notorious grade-Z sci-fi film."
 
August 26, 2009
I'm shocked that there isn't a single Roland Emmerich film here.
August 26, 2009
Wait...
October 09, 2009
Check out my latest list and you'll get your Emmerich fix.
October 09, 2009
I think we should get EMMERICH and his whole family FIXED so that they can't reproduce and make more people capable of making movies like his!
October 09, 2009
Shouldn't be a problem in Roland's case since he's gay and unlikely to reproduce. LOL! Anyhow, when are you going to check out Part II of this list?
October 09, 2009
Gay men reproduce all the time, either by being forced into marriage in order to prove to society that they are "normal" or through artifical insemination with a willing femal friend. Don't nag. I'll get there as soon as my notifications are all answered. =)
October 09, 2009
I'm not nagging, it's just that lately no one's commenting or rating either my reviews or lists.
October 09, 2009
Aw, poor, poor, Count. Well cheer up! I was over there and your choices were exquisite but they should have been on the first list. Big Budgets are no excuse for making a bad film.
October 10, 2009
Well, I figured I'd do a few different lists and focus on certain film genres and certain directors. Besides, no one would be entertained by the other lists if all the good stuff was in the first one. See, unlike so many hack directors and writers, I know that it's best to save the really juicy stuff for further down on the road.
; )
And on the contrary, I find that big budget is often the perfect excuse for a bad film. Big budgets are like "Get out of jail free" cards, since whenever a director has a problem with something he simply spends more money and pretends the problem is fixed. Well, that tends to limit one's creative solutions and that's rarely ever a good thing. Note that Lucas and Spielberg, bothy, make their best films when limited by their financial freedom. The richer they get, the bigger the budgets, the worse the stories. It ends up with people focusing on big special effects, big names, and big advertising... all the result of a big bad script or concept. That's modern Hollywood for ya.
October 10, 2009
Okay, in MY OPINION big budgets are not a legitimate excuse for making bad movies. That's what I get for not being precise enough.
October 13, 2009
You should do a list of big budget films that you actually admired.
October 13, 2009
I sort of did. That would have been one of my first lists. At least some of them were big budget.
 
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