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Centipede

1 rating: -3.0
A movie directed by Gregory Gieras

An expedition to the nether parts of India turns into a hellish descent into terror, when David (Larry Casey) reluctantly agrees to accompany his buddy Jake (Trevor Murphy) to a bachelor party cum-caving expedition. A group of young men travel to India's … see full wiki

Director: Gregory Gieras
Release Date: 2004
MPAA Rating: Unrated
1 review about Centipede

Centipede! - 2003

  • Dec 21, 2008
Rating:
-3
Pros: not a single pro was involved in the making of this movie

Cons: 15 words just aren't enough

The Bottom Line:
"You're a centipede
crawling down my spine,
You're the evil world of
the nursery rhyme,"
~Echobelly




Seriously, 1:27 into the two hour film and we have yet to see the star, the Centipede!  Sure, we've heard some chittering in the background, sounds of many large scampering legs, even had a dead body or 12, but no sign of the offending bug.  Just when you are about to give up, there it is, or rather a thumbnail sized representation of the creature.  It is the final minutes of the show until you view one completely and even then it is so dark you have to really stretch your imagination.

But what did I expect?  I wasn't going for rocket science here, just a low budget creature feature.  With all the injustices done over the years in filmdom to bugs, mutating them in glorious ways, I think this may be the first time we have attempted a centipede.  Thanks to the SciFi channel, that oversight has been resolved.

This production was written and directed by Gregory Gieras, receiving no nominations or awards.  It does carry a PG-13 rating for creature violence and strong language.  I really can't attest to the creature violence theory since most filming was done in the dark, but I can mention the strong language.  The word SH-- was said, I think, two times.  In fact, I was thinking to myself while watching that I was amazed at the mild language for the time it was released [2003] and the ages of the participants [early 20's].

The story centers around a small group of friends, celebrating a bachelor party in a most unusual way; spelunking in the caves of Shankali, Hyderabad, India.  Joined by their guide, Kafi, they venture to the bottom, they think, of the caves, 3 miles underground.   This cave carries an omen of its own, anyone that has entered has never returned.  Well, hell, that would be the first place I'd want to go, especially 3 miles underground.

Included in the group is the intended groom, along with his ex-girlfriend who is now dating his best friend, also along.  His friend also brought his brother who suffers from insectophobia or entomophobia, depending on who you talk to.  Came from a bad acid trip where he thought he was covered by insects.  Another girl is along, as well as her boyfriend, and the group nemesis, Matt, who suffers from a bad back.  All in all, a perfect group to venture into a cave experience.

After some minor exploring, there is suddenly a surprise party for the intended.  This commences into one of the worst dance numbers I've seen in a long time, by the ex-galpal.  Some champagne, some stupid stories, and the next thing you know Matt has disappeared.  Went off to take a leak and we hear some skittering, that's all I can say about that. 

I might mention, though, that Matt brought along a little homemade GPS device.   How this works, I have no idea, but he had made mention that each person would wear some homing device that would register on the meter and they would always be able to find them.  As far as I could tell, Matt was the only one to don the device so how it was able to track not only the people but also the creatures is one of the mysteries of science.

There is no way to give justice to the creatures themselves.  They used rubber puppets - in this day and age!  There is no animation to the insect itself and if you look closely you can see the strings that operate it and cause it to rear on its hind legs.  Do centipedes have hind legs?   As far as the scenery, it was clearly manufactured rock formations; you can practically see the exposed foam core.  The acting?  ‘nuf said.  Probably the worst casting was with the policia.  Their accents are so heavy and put on you simply want to laugh. 

To top it all off, this is a huge hidden toxic waste disposal area.  Hence the mutated centipedes?  If so, why aren't the other cave creatures equally mutated?  And if all entered never to return, how did the stuff get there in the first place?  The room it was kept in was a structured enclosure with a door.  We won't even discuss the bombing of the door to open it for the surviving group of cavers. 

So if you are looking for a way to end your boredom and want to watch a movie to do it, look elsewhere.  This one is off the stink-o-meter chart.

Thanks,
Susi

Recommended:
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