Does the shot of a supple naked breast, dripping with warm water from the shower, interest you? How about the volumptous sexy body of Jacqueline Lovell cavorting about on satin sheets with Dave Oren Ward and Roland Martinez, her back arched gracefully in wanton desire? Not your taste? Maybe the muscular body of Roland Martinez strolling through his apartment in those tight and revealing briefs is more your thing.
Well, whatever strikes your fancy with highly erotic sex scenes, this would be the perfect movie for you. The Killer Eye exudes sexuality from every scene. The passion filled couplings emit waves of warm throbbing desire off the screen. It makes you want to touch in places you never thought of before and try things you never knew existed. It is also the dumbest friggin movie I have ever had the misfortune to view. Jesus, as much as I hate them, give me a gun! Possibly the absolute worse trashing of good film ever produced. The only good thing about the entire movie is that it only lasted 67 minutes.
The movie starred (?) 8 characters, and I use that term to its' fullest extent - CHARACTERS! It evolves around the mad scientist (Jonathan Norman) and his assistant (Costas Koromilas) that have invented a machine that will, after you receive some strange injection, enable you to see into the eighth dimension. I am not sure what the eighth dimension is, nor am I sure what 1-7 are either, but that doesn't matter. What matters is these two nimrods decide to take a homeless boy off the street (Ryan Van Steenis) and offer this little service to him.
Of course, as all these weird science things go, it goes bad immediately and the machine sucks this guys eye outta his head and the next thing you see is this 10' eyeball, on a stem, dragging tentacles behind it, floating out of the door. (Excuse me a minute while I collect myself). The eyeballs entire goal is to get as many women as it can and do as many things to them as it can without getting caught. Well, I don't live in a big city but I am pretty sure I am gonna notice a 10' eyeball strolling about the city.
Anyway, the mad scientists wife (Jacqueline Lovell - a tasty dish I might add), and the assistants wife (Nanette Bianchi), are the recipients of this love fest - that is when you can find Jacqueline out of the two guys bed! It appears she is a rich chick and is fronting all these experiments, in the name of love which she ain't getting any of - as the fine doctor states "We had sex last Thursday, what do you want from me?" Whereas she says in return - "But, honey, I'm hornnnnnyyyyy".
There is also one other player in this deal, a guy by the name of Creepy Bill (Blake Bailey), who I believe has seen Beetlejuice way too many times as he effects the characteristics and voice of Michael Keaton from that epic film throughout the entire production. The only thing missing was the striped outfit and that insane hairdo!
Anyway, as it plays out the two dudes that the lovely Jacqueline is boffing (Dave Oren Ward and Roland Martinez) seem to have a major smoking problem. In fact I am not sure they are straight at any point throughout the movie. This leads to a few problems as they keep viewing this eyeball and think they are just inside their wacky weed world and therefore do not feel threatened by it - huge mistake on these boys part. The eyeball shoots green light rays into their eyes and they spend the balance of the movie staggering around like Frankenstein - in their skivvies - saying "Need Female, need more.....where's females?" in a robotic voice.
Tell ya what, doing ya a big favor here - I will give away the rest of the movie. The eyeball jumps the bones of the willowy babes (there is one shower scene with Nanette that is friggin incredible), infuses the guys with its oversexed drive that turns them into zombies (clearing throat here), the street kid comes back to life (this is never explained so don't bother wondering HUH?), they finally track the eyeball down (it never really left the house they all seem to be living in together, so tell me, how did they miss a 10' eyeball?), the mad scientist jumps into the vortex that the eyeball makes as it flies back to the eighth dimension and disappears forever, and UH OH - the willowy babes grab their tummies at the end as we notice they are starting to protrude a little. Please tell me this does not mean there will be a Killer Eye Two!!!
Of course I cannot leave without giving you the telling line of the movie. As Jacqueline tromps around the house looking for the eyeball, she comes down the stairs into the bedroom the two spaced out dudes shares (don't ask, hon, you are better off) and when they ask her "Hey chick, what are you doing?", she responds with these immortal lines "Have you seen anything particular around here? I'm looking for a killer eye. You know, a big eyeball floating around diddling everybody."
Directed by Richard Chasen, Written by Benjamin Carr, Rolfe Kanefsky & Matthew Jason Walsh, and here is my favorite: Prosthetics and tentacle effects by Christopher Bergschneider and Jeffrey S. Farley. Released 1998, Rated R (R!) For some drug use, language and strong bizarre sexual content (that is an understatement). BTW this ISN'T the worst movie I have ever watched, but it is WAY UP THERE!
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