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Loch Ness

1 rating: -3.0
A movie

A practical American zoologist is sent to Scotland to prove that the legendary Loch Ness Monster doesn't exist, but when a local woman and her daughter take him to the place where Nessie lives, his outlook changes. Features computer animation from … see full wiki

Release Date: 1996
MPAA Rating: PG
1 review about Loch Ness

Loch Ness - 1996

  • Dec 14, 2008
Rating:
-3
Pros: ...

Cons: ...

The Bottom Line:
"A BEASTLY HEAD OF ONYX
WITH EYES SET COALS OF FIRE
IT'S LEATHERED HIDE
GLIDES GLISTENING
ASCENDS THE HEATHERED BRIAR"
~Judas Priest



15,000 years this bugger has stayed hidden and in one week this nimrod not only finds it but takes a photo of the dang thing.  Give me a friggin break!

Loch Ness is an expensive rip-off if there ever was one [$12 million budget].  First, I must say the scenery was incredibly beautiful, so it had that going for it, but that is where any credibility ended, flat out.   People had tried for centuries to catch a glimpse of this elusive creature, to no avail.  Shine on Dr. Dempsey, the Geraldo Rivera of the scientific world.  Every thing he has tried in the past has failed miserably; he is the laughing stock of the scientific community and his college is trying to find ways to boot his tail out.  They think they have finally found the perfect solution - send him to find the Loch Ness monster.  Give him a bazillion dollars worth of equipment and a free-ride expense account, and let him look the fool once again.

Top it off; he arrives at the peak of the Nessie Convention, which irks him even further.  Although I found this a bit odd since the town was basically closed down for the season even though swarms of Nessieites were clamoring about.  He shuns off the local hotel, a hotbed of Nessie hunters, and goes for the local B&B, run by a winsome miss with her small daughter in tow.  Why, pray tell, does there always have to be a love interest in these things?  Is it about monsters or getting Dr. Dempsey's rocks off?  Just curious.

She, of course, wants nothing to do with him which let's you know immediately they will be sharing a bed before the production is over.   Her young daughter, Isabel, is quite taken with him.  God knows why, perhaps it is the shiny bald spot on his head when the wind blows just right.  He doesn't fair well with the other locals either, especially once he rents a boat and promptly sinks it.  And the guy just happens to have the hots for the innkeeper, which makes him even madder at Dempsey.  And his assistant is an admitted Dempseyphobe, totally enthralled with the workings of Dr. Dempsey.  Almost to distraction.

Dempsey, of course, doesn't believe in the dang monster anyway.  He could care less, he just wants to get this gig over and try to get back in with the university with some grace.  But the little girl has different ideas and shows him a drawing of her little water friend.  Eventually she takes him to a hidden cave where, oh geez, the dang Loch Ness monster lives.  And he takes a photo of it, figuring he will finally gain some stature back in the scientific community once again.

But things don't always work out the way you think.

This little ditty was written by John Fusco; directed by John Henderson.  It actually won one award ... slow day in the award books I guess.  It carries a PG rating for, believe it or not, a fist fight.  A fist fight!  Good God.   Dr. Dempsey was played by Ted Danson.  Yes, you read correctly, Ted Danson.  I can't even comment on that.  The only shining point in the movie, other than scenery, was little Kirsty Graham who played Isabel.

That's all I can say without lowering my standards any further.

Thanks,
Susi

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