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2012 (movie)

A film directed by Roland Emmerich

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Look Mommy, Look What I Can Do.

  • Apr 6, 2010
  • by
Rating:
-5
There have been a few comments in reviews about this movie being a simple popcorn flick and how, should you detach your brain for 3 hours you will manage to enjoy this monstrosity. Simply, that is not true, unless you're actually willing to run the risk of you being made more of an idiot by watching this movie and thinking "hmm, that was an enjoyable romp". Perhaps I did look too much into this movie and wanted it to have a good storyline that would at least captivate me without having to look at bizarre shiny things every 10 minutes to remind me of what movie I'm watching. I am even one of those guys who will be quite willing to poke a hole in his skull and flick that switch that says "you don't need me to enjoy this" but I really couldn't enjoy this piece of detritus left over from the imagination of the crazy person that brought us "The Day After Tomorrow". Even my rotting, mindless corpse struggled to find the enjoyment in this as every minute left me feeling more and more insulted by the garbage that was being spewed from the screen. The special effects guy, the man that seems to have worked so hard making the image of thousands of human lives appear disposable at the click of a mouse, in favour of a group of equally pointless human beings who had so many close shaves in this movie, it would make George Clooney wish he had a better razor, deserves applause as he has done a fantastic job. 

So the story begins with our unlikely hero, John Cusack, a pathetic limo driver who just wants to be as good a Dad as possible for his kids while his ex-wife and her new piece of meat get on with their lives. Now, more than ever, Daddy gets the chance to prove his worth by saving his kids, the ex and her man from the end of the world through awesome driving skills and lying to the kids that everything is going to be ok. On the other side of this story is a budding geologist, Chiwetel Ejiofor who discovers that because of that crazy thing called the Sun and the cool sounding Neutrino's the centre of our Earth is melting and there's F*** all we can do about it but hope to become ridiculously rich and buy our survival. You may be wondering how exactly John Cusack managed to survive this craziness; well it's pretty cool actually as clichéd crazy person, Woody Harrelson who's spouting the typical conspiracy "our government's hiding it from us" jolliness manages to get it right and because he manages to predict events correctly, Cusack decides that this crazy person is the key to survival. 

OK, there's a bit more to it than that. Actually there isn't, Danny Glover is president which is pretty cool and it takes on the typical of these types of garbage movies which is that humans aren't very nice people when it comes to surviving unless you're related in some genetic form. Then, if you're not related genetically, the amount of money you have matters the most. Ah Capitalism, how you make the world a better place. Wait, sorry I was making the film sound a bit more intelligent than it actually is for a second there. In fact, it's the most idiotic film imaginable. So much so, that the marketers capitalised on the idiocy of some people by creating a viral marketing campaign that made this whole thing seem real and that we were all really F***ed by December 21st 2012. I'll give it credit, the special effects are amazing, but the Roland Emmerich films are terrifying in a more deep seeded way as he's not just a guy who makes crappy big budget epics, but he's a man that makes movie that have the human race appear absolutely worthless and any depiction of mass slaughter on a scale such as this is to simply be labelled cool and nothing more. I'm sure I'm thinking too much into it, but this film insulted every facet of my intelligence. 

The acting, as could be expected was terrible. The amount of close calls our "heroes" had was terrible. Everything about this movie, aside from the chilling special effects was terrible. The shocking thing is that Emmerich's movies continue to make a profit time and time again thus meaning this man gets the opportunity to make more and more of this drivel. If you have any respect for your own sense of humanity, then you will keep away from this garbage for as long as humanly possible.

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April 10, 2010
Great breakdown of the film, Steveo.  You would probably agree with @Savvygirl's assessment, The Mayans never predicted how bad this movie would be, lol.  Thanks for sharing!
April 20, 2010
ditto what Lady D said! I usually keep the negative ratings for despots and bad politics but this movie was just empty..
 
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More 2012 (movie) reviews
review by . April 05, 2010
posted in That's Beat
Let me just start by saying that this is why i love Lunch.  I've noticed that this film received some very favorable ratings but i personally didn't like this movie at all.  My disagreement with everyone on this movie, doesn't mean i'm right or wrong... just different opions.      This film is featured on my PayPerView so this weekend we decided to watch it.  In my opinion it was so bad that half way through it was wondering if there is a whole new genre of films …
review by . February 07, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
Doomsday Revelation?! or Preservation?!
      You've got movies about airplane crash, movies about cruiseship sinking, movies about terror, movies about asteroid collision, movies about greed, movies about love. What do you have when they are all combined into a single movie? 2012!      We are forewarned about what will happened in 2012. Most of the world were living their lives as per normal and has not a clue. As audience, some had not, but when you have the internet at the tip of tip …
review by . November 12, 2009
Grab a melting pot, stir in some Earthquake, The Towering Inferno, The Posidon Adventure, Titanic and a little Dante's Peak for good measure...and what have you got?      2012 simmering your eyeballs.      BOOM!!!      Roland Emmerich is back on the big screen throwing more stuff around than toddlers at a daycare center juiced on too much red cordial.   This guy knows how to deliever a big, bad ass, destruct-o-rama, let me tell …
review by . November 16, 2009
posted in Movie Hype
A Disaster Movie That Follows Established Formulas...With a Heavy Dose of Steroids!
   Disaster movies are a dime-a-dozen in Hollywood. The approaching year “2012” has raised several speculations from the Mayan calendar to Nostradamus to the Bible code. Many believe that the year 2012 would hold special significance in the history of mankind, many think that something life-changing would happen and an epic catastrophe may cause mankind‘s extinction. Leave it to Hollywood to take advantage of the “2012” phenomenon with co-writer/director Roland …
review by . April 06, 2010
I happen to enjoy "bad" movies. The types of movies with over sized anacondas or crocodiles; the movies that leave me amused at the hilarity of the Hollywood industry. Thus I was interested in seeing 2012 (mainly because I actually did enjoy "The Day After Tomorrow"). I am also pretty fascinated by any movie that aims at explaining mysterious and mythological events (IE. Mayans "predicting" the end of the world in 2012).      2012 not only ruined …
review by . July 18, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
A Lesson in Humanity
What is there to say about 2010? It's got action, drama, love, suspense and a big budget. A large comeback roll for John Cusak who's mainly known for small or obscure films in the 90's and being a part of the 80's movie revolution. The movie is loosely based on the Mayan prediction that in the year 2012 on December 12th the world will come to an end. Cusak who plays Jackson Curtis learns of this conspiracy on a trip with his children to Yellowstone and in looking for the spot where …
review by . November 22, 2009
You don't have to believe in UFOs to enjoy watching CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND.  You don't have to believe in the whole global warming package to enjoy watching THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW.  You certainly don't have to believe all the hype about 2012 to enjoy this movie.  IMHO, this is the best disaster movie I've seen in a really long time.  The characters are more than just cardboard, the dialog is decent, the special effects are incredible and the overall concept is very …
Quick Tip by . October 22, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
I watched this on my iPad. Let's put aside just how idiotic the story is (why would you make heroes out of selfish people that put the lives of tens of thousands of other selfish people at serious risk?). The iPad video quality is amazing but if the very bad special effects were obvious on my Pad, just how badly did they play on the large screen. One of the worst movies ever for every possible reason.
review by . July 21, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
For an action movie, this is sure to impress. The acting is decent, not top notch, but a good cast for sure. The plot keeps you guessing, and makes you think. The special effects are top notch however- I wish that I had seen this movie in the theater the first time, as I'm sure on the big screen its even better. Would be interesting to see a follow up of sorts.
review by . November 16, 2009
The End of the World Arrives about Three Years Ahead of Schedule
I had an interesting pre-cursor while going in to see 2012. I was with a small group of three, and I handed my tickets to the doorman, who, after ripping them and handing me back the stubs, said: "Enjoy the graphics, this isn't the kind of movie you go and see for the dialogue."  My friends and I looked at each other and laughed. We were also a bit worried. Did we just drop about $15 bucks each to watch another disaster movie with vacant plot and characters? Are we foolish …
About the reviewer
Steven Stewart ()
Ranked #47
Currently studying Law at University, my main interests revolve around Politics. I read quite a lot and love learning about History. Not just the history of a specific time, place and person, but I'm … more
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Wiki

2012 is a 2009 disaster film directed by Roland Emmerich. The film has an ensemble cast, including John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Danny Glover, Thandie Newton, Oliver Platt, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Woody Harrelson. The film will be distributed by Columbia Pictures. Filming began in August 2008 in Vancouver. The film was released on November 11, 2009.

Now this is how you destroy the world. Roland Emmerich's2012pounces on a Nostradamus-style loophole in the Mayan calendar and rams the apocalypse through it, gleefully conjuring up an enormous amount of Saturday-matinee fun in the process. A scientist (Chiwetel Ejiofor) detects shifting continental plates and sun flares and realizes that this foretells the imminent destruction of the planet. Just as the molten lava is about to hit the fan, a novelist (John Cusack) takes his kids on a trip to Yellowstone; later he'll hook up with his ex (Amanda Peet) and her new boyfriend (Tom McCarthy) in a global journey toward safety. If there is any safety. The suitably hair-raising plot lines are punctuated--frequently, people, frequently--by visions of mayhem around the globe: the Vatican falls over, the White House is clobbered (Emmerich'sIndependence Daywas not enough on that score), and the California coastline dives into the Pacific Ocean. Unlike other action directors we could name, Emmerich actually understands how to let you see and drink in these vast special-effects vistas--and they are incredible. He also honors the old Irwin...
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Details

Director: Roland Emmerich
Genre: Action, Adventure
Release Date: 13 November 2009 (USA)
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Screen Writer: Roland Emmerich, Harald Kloser
Runtime: 158 minutes
Studio: Columbia Pictures, Centropolis Entertainment, Farewell Productions
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