Movie Hype
New Releases, Oscar-Winners and Obscure Movies!
Battleship (2012)

A movie directed by Peter Berg

< read all 5 reviews

'Battleship' Sinks At Sea ( Video)

  • May 16, 2012
Rating:
-2



By Joan Alperin Schwartz
'Battleship' directed by Peter Berg (Hancock) has a poorly constructed script, ridiculous dialogue, cardboard charcters and it's really, really loud.  

It does have bad ass aliens and some exciting visual effects, but that is not enough to save this $200,000,000 fiasco.

When the film opens, we find out that a group of scientists in Hawaii, have sent out a signal to Planet G whose atmosphere is similar to ours.  They must have been thinking...Wow, another planet we get to ruin...Anyway to the scientists surprise, their signal is heard.

That's right folks...The extra terrestials are coming to visit and these dudes are not your mama's aliens.
Unfortunately before our visitors get here...we are subjected to...a really hackneyed plot and slew of boring, bland characters,including... 

Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) a bad boy who's celebrating his 26th birthday in a local bar with his big brother, Stone,(Alexander Skarsgard) a Naval Commander.

Alex overhears a girl...Samantha (the very blond Brooklyn Decker) ordering a chicken burrito...Too bad the kitchen is closed.  But not to worry...Hopper is on it.

He breaks into a local convenience store,  and returns with...one big fat chicken burrito.  Too bad for Alex, he gets arrested before Samantha can see his six pack.

But no worries, once you give a girl food, she's yours forever...At least according to Erich and Jon Hoeber, the writers of this mess.

Moving right along, Stone tells his brother he has to get his act together and the next thing we know...

Alex is a lieutenant in the Navy, under the command of, none other than Samantha's father, Admiral Shane (Liam Neeson) and he's about to participate in the annual international war games which takes place at sea on these super sized ships...(Navy men from all over the world get together to fake destroy each other). 



Little did Alex know, that before two long hours are up, it would be up to him to save the world from extinction.  Lucky for him, Rhianna is on his crew...and all I have to say is...why? why? why?

'Battleship' which got one and a half bagels from me, is based on the Hasbro naval combat game and I'd recommend buying the game and avoiding this movie...Unless you're an eight or nine year old boy.

Check out our video to see John's thoughts on 'Battleship' which opens in theatres, Friday May 18, 2012

What did you think of this review?

Helpful
19
Thought-Provoking
14
Fun to Read
16
Well-Organized
15
Post a Comment
June 12, 2012
Guess it is a good thing I skipped this one.
 
May 19, 2012
This was...I dunno, just a grand exercise in technical effects, and nothing more. I have to give it some credit that it wasn't as dreadful as "Green Lantern" LMAO!
May 20, 2012
I don't know about that. the dialogue was horrible and it was so heavy handed. OMG. John and I actually agree. Seeing 'Men In Black 12 on Monday.
May 20, 2012
oh, I agree with you, but I guess I gave it some elbow room for not being as bad as the last two "transformers" movies. "Transformers" had more depth to the plot of the source material and it did absolutely nothing with them....same as GL. At least  this had no groundwork, so I expected it to suck. LOL
May 20, 2012
that is something. I'm really looking forward to 'Promethus' and 'Mr. Batman'
May 20, 2012
yes! I also wanna see Chernobyl Diaries"
May 20, 2012
I loved the 'Grey' and 'Taken' Unknown was weak Yes that looks really good
 
May 18, 2012
Gee, it's too bad Liam Neeson decided to play in such a dumb movie!!! Thanks for posting this; I'll be sure to avoid this one.
May 19, 2012
well, it was based on the board game, so I guess it was a play on the word 'bored' LOL I didn't hate it but I did not like it either.
May 20, 2012
Liam Neeson is all about the money. I'm a big fan but his choices...wow.
May 20, 2012
I did like "The Grey" but I wasn't keen on "Unknown"
May 20, 2012
I loved "Taken" (this is actually Brandi's favorite movie) - "Unknown" wasn't all that great for me but it was OK. I want to see "The Grey" though!
May 20, 2012
The Grey is pretty good, but depressing. "Battleship" in a way is a guy's movie, but nope I didn't like it either.  Brooklyn Decker (what a name for a blond) is good eye candy though LOL
May 20, 2012
She's too vacuous to be eye candy LOL. And only if the guy is 9 yrs old LOL.
 
May 18, 2012
Sorry to see that a number of viewers didn't like this. I hoped it would be better received. Guess I'll check a different movie for my entertainment. Thanks for your help.
May 20, 2012
Yes stay away...stay far, far away. LOL.
 
May 18, 2012
Oy vey. Your much-appreciated warning only confirms what this dreck's TV spots implied: a farrago of fatuous, recycled ideas packaged as the most absurd cinematic transposition known to me thus far. That Hasbro and a consortium of disposable independent entities wasted $200M on a filmic adaptation of a board game (which I adore) only confirms yet again that Hollywood is astonishingly bereft of novelty.

Yet again, you've my heartfelt gratitude for enduring and reporting of that which I could never hazard.
May 20, 2012
Luckily we don't have to pay for the films and sometimes the studios even give free popcorn. They should have given us a lamborgini for sitting through this mess. LOL
 
May 18, 2012
Oy vey. Your much-appreciated warning only confirms what this dreck's TV spots implied: a farrago of fatuous, recycled ideas packaged as the most absurd cinematic transposition known to me thus far. That Hasbro and a consortium of disposable independent entities wasted $200M on a filmic adaptation of a board game (which I adore) only confirms yet again that Hollywood is astonishingly bereft of novelty.

Yet again, you've my heartfelt gratitude for enduring and reporting of that which I could never hazard.
 
1
More Battleship (2012) reviews
review by . May 19, 2012
posted in Movie Hype
All Hands on
Let’s get some things straight. A movie based on a board game sounds theoretically stupid and honestly, I have to wonder what the filmmakers behind the 2012 film “Battleship” were thinking when they decided to make a film out of the concept of a board game. Ok, the game was fun in its own way, but obviously this movie was meant as a marketing ploy to sell a new video game or maybe re-launch the Hasbro board game. So if you are expecting something special and creative, then it would …
review by . May 18, 2012
posted in Movie Hype
No doubt when people heard they were coming out with a movie based on the board game Battleship there were a lot of eye rolls and heavy sighs. Director Peter Berg of Friday Night Lights fame and the writing team of Jon and Erich Hoeber, who also wrote the Bruce Willis movie Red, heard the heavy sighs and decided to roll with it. If people are already going into this movie thinking it is going to be ridiculous then why not just go full tilt. Battleship is an overly computer …
review by . May 19, 2012
posted in Movie Hype
Star Rating:         Peter Berg’s Battleship is better than the Transformers trilogy in the same way that having a cold is better than having the flu. And yet it’s very much cut from the same cloth as Transformers, not just because both feature outer space robots but also because both are noisy, thoughtlessly inundated with action and special effects, and generally free from any semblance of plot, character development, or theme. I guess one should expect …
review by . May 18, 2012
posted in Movie Hype
There is More Entertainment Playing the Game Than in Watching the Movie
Basing a movie off of a videogame is often a risky proposition. For every “Resident Evil”, there at least a dozen others that are out and out disasters, “Mario Brothers”, “Wing Commander”, and “Double Dragon” are a few examples of how not to do it. While Hollywood shows no signs of stopping videogame adaptations anytime soon, game development companies are becoming more savvy with allowing their products to become movies and are requiring uality …
About the reviewer
Joan & John Schwartz ()
Ranked #11
My husband (creator of the cult classic films FACES OF DEATH) andmyself (actress/screenwriter) are ex New Yorkers, see alot of films and usually disagree. So our friends decided that we need a review … more
Consider the Source

Use Trust Points to see how much you can rely on this review.

You
2_TwoJewsOnFilm
Your ratings:
rate more to improve this
About this movie

Wiki

Battleship is an upcoming 2012 Fantasy, naval war film based on the Hasbro game of the same name. The film is being directed by Peter Berg and will be released by Universal Pictures. Starring in the film are Taylor Kitsch, Alexander Skarsgård, Brooklyn Decker, Rihanna and Liam Neeson.
The film was originally planned to be released in 2011, but rescheduled to May 18, 2012





A story of an international Navy fleet engaged in a very dynamic and intense battle against an alien race known as "The Regents". The aliens come to planet Earth, on a mission to build a power source in the ocean. Upon their visit, they come in contact with a navy fleet. The film is also purported to show both sides of the story, from the aliens' perspective, as well as the humans' so the audience knows exactly where the opponent's ships are.

The estimated US$200 million project was to begin filming in Australia's Gold Coast in 2010, but the production company changed locale due to a lack of Australian government tax incentives.

Filming is taking place in the United States on the Hawaiian islands of Maui and Oahu, as well as in Sherman Oaks, California to do a few apartment scenes and in Playa del Rey, California where they will film a driving scene along with a shootout.[10] Battleship will also be filmed in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, United States. The Science & Entertainment Exchange provided science consultation for the film.[

...
view wiki

Details

Director: Peter Berg
Genre: Action, Adventure, Fantasy, War
Release Date: 18 May 2012 (USA)
Screen Writer: Jon Hoeber, Erich Hoeber
First to Review
© 2014 Lunch.com, LLC All Rights Reserved
Lunch.com - Relevant reviews by real people.
Movie Hype is part of the Lunch.com Network - Get this on your site
()
This is you!
Ranked #
Last login
Member since
reviews
comments
ratings
questions
compliments
lists