kfontenot
"Seeks Out The Bowels Of Mankind"
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Rating:
(To the tune of The Eagles' Hotel California)
+3
In a dark Slovak hostel
Free love fills the air
Warm heat from the spa steam
Heating guys everywhere
At night there's the disco
But no shimmering lights
When you get dizzy and your legs get weak
It's time to stop for the night
There they stand in the doorway
All but ringing a bell
And he was thinking to himself
This must be heaven and there ain't no hell
Then they stripped off their garments
And they showed him the way
There were voices down the corridor
He thought he heard them say
Welcome to the Hostel Bratislava
Such a lovely place
(Such a lovely place)
For an American face
Plenty of rooms at the Hostel Bratislava
Any time of year
(Any time of year)
You will find us here
You will find us here
Her mind is currency twisted
On her job she depends
She's got a lot of sadistic brutes
That she calls friends
How they attract the tourists
Sweet Slavic $ex
The girls you'll remember
The rest you'd rather forget
He tried calling his roommates
One, twice, several times
They said
We've had enough, and we've all gone home
But you stay for the wine
But still those voices were screaming from far, far away
He woke up in the dawn's early light
And he heard them say
(Chorus)
Meat hooks on the ceiling
Caged like rats and mice
And he knew
They were all just prisoners there
Each with a bloody price
And in the torture chambers
They gathered for the feast
Watching him with steely eyes
As they try to kill the beast
Last thing he remembered
He was seeing blood and gore
He had to find a safe way back or at least to an open door
Relax, said his captors
Give and you'll receive
You will check out any time we like
But you will never leave
(Chorus)
(Extra verse)
This one's not really scary
And if you like blood and gore
You'll see
That except for the eyeball
They don't show you much more
Down in the butcher's chambers
With a chainsaw named STIHL
You'll have to use imagination
To give yourself a chill
Last thing you'll remember
Is the Tarantino scene
If you eat with your fingers, you'll know what I mean
So if you don't want it too bloody
And enjoy T&A
Rent this movie for a night tonight
And then call it a day
(Chorus)
Rated: 3.5 stars
Amanda Richards
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QUEENBFLIX
January 26, 2009
Filker (which you obviously aren't) is a term from science fiction fandom. They are people who make up alternate lyrics to existing well-known songs. They lyrics originally were set to folk music (a typo turned it into filk) and dealt with science fiction, fantasy, and to a lesser extent horror books, movies,comix etc. Eventually it branched out to the point where people started writing their own music and the lyrics started dealing with computers, space exploration apart from fiction, and any sort of science. Anything the fannish mind found interesting. Filkers now have their own conventions. You can buy filk tapes and cds of the best songs of the conventions or you can buy your favorite filker's cds. Its almost gone from the good old days of a sing along to more of a spectator sport.
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QUEENBFLIX
January 26, 2009
Are you by any chance a filker? That was absolutely great! Much better than the movie deserves.
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review by MzJen_2_review.
July 18, 2006
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review by kfontenot.
May 13, 2006
"Hostel" is quite a step up from "Cabin Fever" for writer/director Eli Roth. He seems to take his characters and their development quite a bit more serious than in his previous effort. I actually felt some attachment to Jay Hernandez' character once he realizes what's happening in this tale. With that said, however, I wouldn't rank "Hostel" among the top thrillers or horror flicks in the genre. First off, just having a lot of gore and blood pumped on to the screen doesn't … more
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About the reviewer
Amanda Richards (arichards)
I write reviews for a hobby. Most of my reviews are short and to the point, on account of my short attention span. I try to make my reviews both informative and entertaining, and sometimes I succeed. … more
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About this movie
Starring Jay Hernandez, Derek Richardson, Eythor Gudjonsson, Barbara Nedeljakova
Directed by Eli Roth
Writer: Eli Roth
2005
Product Description
Presented by genre master Quentin Tarantino (Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2) and directed by Eli Roth (Cabin Fever) Hostel is a shocking and relentless film in the tradition of Saw about two American backpackers (Jay Hernandez Friday Night Lights and Derek Richardson Dumb and Dumberer) in Europe who find themselves lured in as victims of a murder-for-profit business.Paxton and Josh two college friends are lured by a fellow traveler to what's described as a nirvana for American backpackers a particular hostel in an out-of-the-way Slovakian town stocked with Eastern European women as desperate as they are gorgeous. The two friends arrive and soon easily pair off with exotic beauties Natalya and Svetlana. In fact too easily...Initially distracted by the good time they're having the two Americans quickly find themselves trapped in an increasingly sinister situation that they will discover is as wide and as deep as the darkest sickest recess of human nature itself if they survive.System Requirements:Run Time: 94 minutesFormat: DVD MOVIE Genre: ACTION/ADVENTURE/THRILLERS Rating: UNRATED UPC: 043396138384 Manufacturer No: 13838
view wiki
Directed by Eli Roth
Writer: Eli Roth
2005
Product Description
Presented by genre master Quentin Tarantino (Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2) and directed by Eli Roth (Cabin Fever) Hostel is a shocking and relentless film in the tradition of Saw about two American backpackers (Jay Hernandez Friday Night Lights and Derek Richardson Dumb and Dumberer) in Europe who find themselves lured in as victims of a murder-for-profit business.Paxton and Josh two college friends are lured by a fellow traveler to what's described as a nirvana for American backpackers a particular hostel in an out-of-the-way Slovakian town stocked with Eastern European women as desperate as they are gorgeous. The two friends arrive and soon easily pair off with exotic beauties Natalya and Svetlana. In fact too easily...Initially distracted by the good time they're having the two Americans quickly find themselves trapped in an increasingly sinister situation that they will discover is as wide and as deep as the darkest sickest recess of human nature itself if they survive.System Requirements:Run Time: 94 minutesFormat: DVD MOVIE Genre: ACTION/ADVENTURE/THRILLERS Rating: UNRATED UPC: 043396138384 Manufacturer No: 13838
Cast:
Jay Hernandez,
Rick Hoffman,
Derek Richardson,
Eythor Gudjonsson,
Barbara Nedeljáková,
Jan Vlasák,
Jana Kaderabková,
Jennifer Lim,
Martin Kubacak,
Miroslav Táborský,
Takashi Miike,
Gabrielle Roth,
Paula Wild,
Roman Janecka,
Petr Janis,
Mark Taylor,
Milda Havlas,
Dan Frisch,
Philip Waley,
Keiko Seiko,
Lubomir Bukovy,
Jana Havlickova,
Zigo Patrik,
Vladimir Silhavecky,
Barbora Oboznenkova,
Radomil Uhlir,
Jan Spanbauer,
Mirek Navratil,
Vanessa Jungova,
Katerina Vomelova,
Lubos Vinicky,
Petr Sadlacek,
Drahoslav Herzan,
Daniela Bakerova,
Martina Kralickova,
Ota Filip,
Jakub Habarta,
Nick Roe,
Natali Tothova,
Petra Kubesova,
Lord David Baxa,
Miroslav Hanus,
Christopher Allen Nelson,
Josef Bradna,
Zina Blahusova,
Kristina Kosunova,
Jana Semradova,
Klara Smetanova,
Katerina Cervenkova,
Karel Hrosek,
Hana Dibelkova,
Petra Slavikova,
Hana Vitvarova,
Veronika Petrova,
Mugi Lhagvadorj,
Alena Chrastinova,
Katerina Henesova,
Gabriel Roth
Director:
Eli Roth
Genre:
Horror
Release Date:
January 6, 2006
MPAA Rating:
R
Screen Writer:
Eli Roth
DVD Release Date:
April 18, 2006
Runtime:
94 minutes
Studio:
Hostel LLC,
Lionsgate Films
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