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Jonah Hex (film)

2010 film starring Josh Brolin and based on the DC Comics character.

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Cut himself shaving.

  • May 14, 2011
Rating:
-4
* out of ****

There are comic books that can bring the medium to the screen as a film, and then there are comic books that can't make a successful entry when it comes to adaptation. You've got "Watchmen". You've got "Spiderman". You've got your failures, your successes, and then you've got entries such as "Jonah Hex"; a comic book film flawed to the point of no return.

I might as well get down to business here. It's not like you'll care much about this movie, since I didn't, and frankly, why should you? If you enjoy the comic, then you may want to see this just for the sake of seeing it. Your viewing will serve the same purpose as this film does for existence, and if you know any better than me, then you'll know that "Jonah Hex" exists for no purpose whatsoever.

It's a comic book movie, so its plot has the tendency to jump from one thing to another, which has been acceptable in the past. But to be a good comic book movie, you need to leap from the pages of the novel and invade the screen with much passion, and this is not what happens here. The plot concerns a hard-ass, facially scarred and ugly Western Cowboy named Jonah Hex. He's a bounty-hunter, a ghost whisperer, a charmer, and a smooth-talker in a number of ways. Hex is played by Josh Brolin; a man who can play this role, attempt it, but can also fail to save the production (and story) from going to complete unwatchable hell.

So you've got Hex, and now you just need something for him to do. You see, Jonah's family was burned in a fire by a man named Quentin Turnbull, who felt as if Hex had betrayed him. This was an act of vengeance, which created more vengeance, which boils up inside Hex for years until he can't wait to get his squirmy little mitts on the man who killed his family. After hearing news of Quentin's apparent death (which we all know is a load of bull anyways), Jonah feels as if he has no purpose. But as I said, it sounds like bull, and as always, it is. Quentin is very much alive, now acting as some sort of terrorist bent on destroying the world with weaponry and bombs which resemble dragon-balls from everyone's favorite classic anime.

There may be some influence going on here. The film acts like a Western comic book film, without ever feeling like a movie. It's too fast, yet to short, and never involving or entertaining enough to draw the viewer in for even a second. Brolin, as Hex, is given dialogue which tends to work for a little bit, but all-in-all, it's utterly forgettable. Then there's Megan Fox, who sounds and acts absolutely horrible, in an equally as horrible movie. John Malkovich takes roles as bad as this one from time-to-time, but that doesn't make it right, and that doesn't mean I enjoy watching the horrible-ness unfold. Lastly, you have a role which is played by Will Arnett, who should not be found in this kind of movie anyway. But hey; neither should the likes of Michael Fassbender and Michael Shannon.

What has "Jonah Hex" tripping over its own shoe-lases and falling face-first into a pile of stinky pretention and boredom is not bad setting, characters, or ambitions; but bad filmmaking and acting. There's no purpose to the film, there's no purpose to LIKE the film, and there's not really a reason to watch it. I'd like to say that there are things to like here, but there just isn't shit. The production itself is a bowl of visual mediocrity, the action is pretty underwhelming, and the whole thing just rots like a corpse. It's a one-dimensional flick. But hey; if that's the kind of movie that you want to see, then go right ahead, take a shot.

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More Jonah Hex (2010) reviews
review by . June 19, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
2 ½ Stars: A Mere Empty Imprint of Jonah Hex!
Comic Book adaptations are a dime-a-dozen these days that it has become quite difficult for me to get excited or even interested when Hollywood announces another so-called ‘adaptation’. Director Jimmy Hayward’s “Jonah Hex” is the latest adaptation that brings the DC Comics character to life in the big screen. This film adaptation is loosely based on the latest incarnation of the character in the DC Comics Vertigo line that also blends in some elements from the comic …
review by . December 20, 2010
I’ve not only grown up reading comic books, but I’ve grown old reading them.  When my peers moved on from reading entirely, I tried to maintain some sense of intimacy with the world of graphic storytelling.  Although I have no one title I follow exclusively, I’ll pick up a graphic novel from almost any line so long as I’m assured by someone – friend, enemy, critic – that it’s worth the time and money, so I tend to always eventually get around to …
review by . March 25, 2011
posted in MovieSucktastic
Recently there has been a frenzy over adaptations and last summer was one full of a wide variety ranging from comic, graphic novel, video game and children/young adult lit adaptations.  Jonah Hex  should have been a wild ride through the old west came across like a knock-off designer bag you'd buy from a street merchant on the streets of NY.  There were elements that reminded me of the late 90s film Wild Wild West, which was fun but left many feeling disappointed.  I'm …
review by . August 21, 2010
I went and saw this with my wife on opening night after some anticipation since the previews made it look pretty badass and it had Megan Fox as an old tyme whore. I don't know what the critics who said it was bad were expecting but it's about a disfigured ex Confederate turned bounty hunter who gains the ability to talk to the dead through a near death experience himself mixed with a little Indian magic. He's a crack shot who works for the highest bidder and has a hooker for a sidekick …
review by . November 24, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
My husband and I watched the Jonah Hex DVD over the weekend and I was bored stiff. My husband didn't even have anything good to say about and he was able to concentrate on eye candy (Megan Fox). It wasn't my cup of tea.
Quick Tip by . April 25, 2010
I hope this flick lives up to the weird classic comics. Brolin's been making one hell of a comeback. It would be a shame if this ruined it.
About the reviewer
Ryan J. Marshall ()
Ranked #3
It's very likely that the only kind of reviews I'll ever post here are movie reviews. I'm very passionate about film; and at this point, it pretty much controls my life. Film gives us a purpose; … more
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Wiki

Another DC Comics hero gets a workout inJonah Hex, the movie incarnation of DC's scar-faced bounty hunter, played here by Josh Brolin. Out to exact revenge on the varmint who wrecked his face and killed his family, Jonah also gets yanked back into the service of his country--against his will, of course. Said varmint, Quentin Turnbull, is played by John Malkovich, although the more spirited villainy is provided by Turnbull's tattooed Irish assistant (Inglourious Basterds's Michael Fassbender plays the part with the kind of energy noticeably absent from the other cast members). In this 80-minute hodgepodge of a movie, Jonah regularly checks in with his lady friend, a prostitute (Megan Fox) whose bordello room has a remarkable amount of glamour lighting, and in his spare time investigates Turnbull's plot to use a super weapon against Washington, D.C. By giving Jonah a halfway-interesting supernatural talent--he can talk with the dead, by placing his hands on them--the film adds a kicky new wrinkle, but it's not enough to improve the mangled storytelling or the sleepwalking pace. Brolin's makeup is impressive, but in scarring his cheek and pulling his mouth back in a grotesque grimace, the prosthetics designers have robbed the actor of any ability to express himself through speech. Kind of a miscalculation there, and typical of this movie's tendency to shoot itself in the face.--Robert Horton
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Details

Genre: Western
Release Date: June 18, 2010
DVD Release Date: October 12, 2010
Runtime: 81 minutes
Studio: Warner Bros. Pictures, Legendary Pictures
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