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Small Time Crooks

A movie directed by Woody Allen

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Maybe It's Funnier When You're Drunk.

  • May 30, 2000
  • by
Rating:
-5
Pros: Hugh Grant is always such a hottie... and he's British!

Cons: Everything else. God, this was an AWFUL movie.

Well, I've just seen the worst movie that has come out this year. Then again, I've only seen Scream 3, Mission Impossible: 2, Erin Brockovitch, and other movies of high calibur. (No, I didn't like MI:2, but at least they put forth an effort.) Unfortunately, Small Time Crooks misses the mark in a big, big way.

Okay, here's the story of the entire movie (Be forewarned; It contains the ending): Ray (Woody Allen), an ex-convict, and Frenchy (Tracy Ullman), a manicurist, are a married couple. Ray wants to rob a bank by purchasing a store a few doors down from the bank, putting up some sort of front, then tunneling to the bank's vault. Sounds like an old cliche, eh? Oh, it gets worse. The front that is put up is a cookie store-- Frenchy bakes cookies and sells them. Ray and his three partners (Jon Lovitz, Michael Rappaport, and some other actor who's name I can't remember) botch the job while Frenchy's cookie business takes off. Because of her ignorant cousin Mae, the men get caught by a cop when they accidentally tunnel into a dress shop. They cut the cop into a piece of the action, which has now turned from bank robbery to the baking industry. They make lots and lots of money. Ray isn't happy; Frenchy is. Frenchy wants to fit in; Ray wants his old life back. Enter Hugh Grant's character. He teaches Frenchy the finer things in life, hoping to woo her away from Ray to get her money. Ray and Frenchy separate. The cookie business goes bankrupt. Frenchy is jilted by her teacher. Ray takes her back. They live happily ever in Miami after on a gift she gave her teacher, but stole back when he wasn't looking. The end.

Small Time Crooks? More like Small Time Cooks. I thought I was going to see a comedy about a couple of crooks trying to knock over a bank or something. Boy, was I wrong! After the cookie business takes off, you never see the likes of the cop of Ray's three partners again! The movie suddenly becomes about how two paupers get a bunch of money and just don't fit in. I was so disappointed!

You can totally tell that Woody Allen directed this film. There is so much pacing and hand gesturing-- Very Allen. The script is quite repetitive in various places, and it just sounds like Woody Allen as each character, except for the character that Hugh Grant played. (I wish I could remember his name!) Grant was the only saving grace of this film.

The film quality itself was awful -- like it was an old movie. The music was of the same genre. This whole theme just didn't make any sense to me. It had absolutely nothing to do with the story.

If you're a Woody Allen fan, I don't know what to tell you. I liked many of his other movies. Needless to say, I was incredibly disappointed. I expect more from Mr. Allen.



Recommended:
No

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More Small Time Crooks reviews
review by . May 30, 2000
posted in Movie Hype
Pros: Hugh Grant is always such a hottie... and he's British!     Cons: Everything else. God, this was an AWFUL movie.     Well, I've just seen the worst movie that has come out this year. Then again, I've only seen Scream 3, Mission Impossible: 2, Erin Brockovitch, and other movies of high calibur. (No, I didn't like MI:2, but at least they put forth an effort.) Unfortunately, Small Time Crooks misses the mark in a big, big way.      Okay, …
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Candice Cain ()
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I own the Candy Cain Travel Co. in Brookhaven, NY. I am a certified Professional Bridal Consultant with the Association of Bridal Consultants and my agency is certified by IATA and CLIA. I specialize … more
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About this movie

Wiki

Woody Allen returns to his slapstick days with this comic romp, which centers on a small-time hood, Ray Winkler, who just can't catch a break. It's as if Virgil Starkwell (Allen's hysterically incompetent criminal mastermind from TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN) has finally gotten out of prison and is still up to his old scheming. Against his wife Frenchy's (Tracey Ullman) better judgment, Ray puts together a ragtag group of misfits, including a scene-stealing Elaine May, and immerses them in a crazy plot to rob a bank. But everything gets upended when their front, a cookie store, takes off, thrusting the Winklers into the upper echelons of New York's high society. <br> <br> SMALL TIME CROOKS looks like no other Allen film; gone are the black-and-white shades of Manhattan, replaced instead by the ridiculously loud shirts Ray wears and the perfectly garish furniture and artwork Frenchy accumulates. Even the Allen soundtrack, usually exclusively jazz, big band, and Dixieland standards, features "Tequila" by the C...
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Details

Director: Woody Allen
Release Date: 2000
MPAA Rating: PG
DVD Release Date: Paramount Home Entertainment (December 19, 2000)
Runtime: 1hr 35min
First to Review
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