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The Tourist

A 2010 film starring Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie.

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The Tourist -- The World's Largest Waste of Time

  • Mar 15, 2011
  • by
Rating:
-4
What would you do if the beautiful Angelina Jolie approached you "randomly" on a train while you are in a foreign country? Probably double check to make sure it wasn't the Octo-Mom trying for another 15 minutes of fame for playing out a scene from Jolie's last flick. The Tourist is one of those films you wish you hadn't seem no matter how many reasons there were telling you to go. Yes it looked like it had potential of being something great. Yes it is a collaboration between some of the hottest stars in Hollywood. Yes you even would have believed that it could have been great. Unfortunately it turned out to be almost as disappointing as Skyline.

The Tourist should have been "the next big thing" and comparable to Mr. & Mrs. Smith, but other than the premise of the film (and a dance shared between our characters) there is very little that even came close. I wanted there to be passion, action and heavy gun fire. I wanted to see Depp give us some serious action. I wanted Jolie to be the action star we all thought she was. But none of that came. I don't know if it is age catching up (however if The Expenibles can pull it off so should Jolie and Depp) or if parenthood has just tripped them up a bit now that both leads are between big flicks. Even the amazing Paul Bettany (Legion and Creation)was a surprising bore.

The Tourist felt almost like a gentle nod to the classic Bond films. You know, the ones that today's film go-ers would fall asleep during (present party included while attempting to watch Goldfinger). Yes they are classics and nothing can touch them, but they are classics for a reason and should be left alone. When we are given something like The Tourist we have certain expectations. We want what could have been the perfect blend of Mr. & Mrs. Smith meets Salt. Instead we were given the grandparent of those films it moved at such a slow pace I almost thought time itself had slowed. Had I not been sitting in the middle of the theater I would have walked out in the hopes that I could use the remained of the night to actually get something (anything) accomplished.

Aside from the tease the film gives us with a quick glimpse of Rufus Sewell (Dark City), who should have been someone to the story but in fact left us confused and unsatisfied, there should have been something left for viewers to walk away from the film feeling.  But it left me with nothing but an empty hole.  The Tourist is a weak attempt at a "spy vs spy" film regardless of the talent and A-list names that have been dragged into leading roles.  For this being the first time (and at this rate - hopefully the only time) we get to see Jolie and Depp together on the big screen it was as big a let down as Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland.  I have never before said that a Jolie or Depp film has been bad or lacking, but I will scream it from the top of the Empire State Building if I have to.  You all have let down a great admirer of your work, and I am truly sorry to have wasted my time with you on this journey.  Please spare us the next time you plan to work together as I would much rather watch you kick ass individually than be disappointed like this again.

I give The Tourist a 1.5 out of 5.

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More The Tourist (2010 movie) reviews
review by . December 12, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
Beautiful People In A Beautiful Place Doing Beautiful Things...
Crime capers or in this case a scheme to “Catch a Thief”. Those who are familiar with Hitchcock’s beloved film know that it wasn’t one of the best Hitchcock movies (God, I punched so many holes in its narrative that it won’t be able to stand up at all) but it was enjoyed primarily because of the lead performers who were Cary Grant and Grace Kelly. Well, director Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck’s “The Tourist” is a remake of the 2005 French movie “Anthony …
review by . December 24, 2010
This movie was aggressively mediocre, pretty much nothing but a star vehicle for Johnny and Angelina. For those who don't know what a star vehicle is, it's a movie that has nothing going for it other than the celebrity of one or two leading actors. If two different actors were cast in the roles of Frank and Elise, then this movie would be worse than 0%. That being said, it wasn't a good movie, not even close.      I like Johnny Depp and Paul Bettany, but I cannot …
review by . November 19, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
For those of you who know me even a little, you are aware I adore Johnny Depp and I despise Angelina Jolie.  The movie itself, based on what I have read, sounds like it could be pretty well action-packed, but why in the hell did they have to put Depp with HER?  Sorry if I have insulted Jolie fans, but I just do not like her; never have, never will.      I will admit she looks good in the trailer and in photos; I am not blind after all.  Depp looks hotter than hell …
review by . July 14, 2011
posted in Movie Hype
Angelina Jolie is the girlfriend of a mysterious man who is wanted by both Interpol and some very bad Mafia guys (led by the guy who played Victor Maitland in Beverly Hills Cop). While she is having her breakfast at an outdoor cafe, a letter is delivered to her. The letter is from her boyfriend who tells her to go to the train station to a train going to Italy and try to meet a stranger that is the same height and build as he is. This will make Interpol think the stranger is her boyfriend and throw …
review by . February 25, 2011
posted in Movie Hype
After I kissed YOU!
Who’d have guessed what a lunch with a stranger whom one met on the Intercity train could turn into? Other than the promise of romance and adventure, right? Well, sometimes being too optimistic can be treacherous…       In The Tourist, as a tourist what would one look for? Venice, one of the most romantic cities in the world if not the most romantic, is a great place to visit and since I had been there almost 2 decades ago, this brings back a lot of fond memories. …
review by . December 13, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
Angelina Jolie’s appearance in “The Tourist” may someday set records for sheer photogenic appeal. She plays one of the most glamorous undercover agents ever to grace the silver screen; her wardrobe, her makeup, and her hair are all immaculate, and for some strange reason, they stay that way all 103 minutes of the film. Even when her character is roughed up by an odious mobster near the end, she still looks as if she has been prepped for a “Vanity Fair” photo shoot. …
review by . December 11, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
A Mediocre Vacation
THE TOURIST Written by Florian Henckel von Donnersmark, Christopher McQuarrie and Jullian Fellowes Directed by Florian Henckel von Donnersmark Starring Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie, Paul Bettany and Timothy Dalton   Frank Tupelo: You’re ravenous Elise Clifton-Ward: Do you mean ravishing? Frank: Yes, I do. Elise: You’re ravenous   Some poor sap of a math teacher from Wisconsin is sitting on a train en route to Venice from Paris when it happens.  A devastatingly …
review by . December 13, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
For some reason with so much star power and Oscar winners working on the script I somehow expected more from this movie. But now it seems the reason this movie was signed on by so many was for a paid vacation to Venice. Not to say I blame them, but I would hesitate before I indulge their fantasies, unless of course you want to get away a little yourself.      This is a classic tale of a female temptress and a bumbling hero. Angelina Jolie fills the role, and every part of her …
review by . June 05, 2011
posted in Movie Hype
12A - 103mins - Action/Drama/Romance - 10th December 2010      Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie, star in this action romance as Frank and Elise. Whilst on a vacation to Italy to recover from a broken heart, Frank a maths teacher, is minding his own business on a train when Elsie sits opposite him. They strike up a bond and Frank thinks its his lucky day when he runs into her later. Unfortunately for him, this is not a chance encounter but rather a scheme by Elise to use him …
review by . December 22, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
   The Tourist? Maybe The Borefest! This movie is nowhere near being disappointing it just suck from start to finish. First of all, the story is full of cliches and bad lines. The characters could not make something remarkable thanks to the bad development. The dialogue in this film is not just poor but lame and forced. The pacing is also something that enrages the viewer. It really gets dull and boring. Too many scenes having nothing important to show but only pretty faces and long (could …
About the reviewer
Hannah aka Angry Penguin ()
Ranked #35
I am a film fanatic, constantly watching films new and old. When not watching movies I'm reading YA lit or sci-fi/fantasy novels, or working on completing my own book.      If … more
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Wiki

The Tourist is a 2010 thriller film directed by Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck, starring Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp. It is a remake of the 2005 French film Anthony Zimmer.

Director: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
Writer: Julian Fellowes
Studio: Columbia Pictures
Cast: Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie, Paul Bettany

Release: December 10, 2010
Poster art for "The Tourist"
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Details

Genre: Thriller
Release Date: December 10, 2010
Screen Writer: Julian Fellowes
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