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"Adam Lamebert: Meta-Cheesiness and Plastics"
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Say you took the corniest elements you could imagine from some of the most potent music business archetypes—The Rocker, the aging Vegas Lounge Singer, the sensitive Singer-Songwriter, and the cross-genre Pretty Boy—and fused them into a kind of Crooning Ken Doll of hyper-accessibility; a character so recognizable that, even through his sculptured rough edges and wholesome allusions to unwholesome behavior you felt like you recognized this "bad boy" firsthand (and habitually extended air-quotes when you referred to him as a "bad boy"). Say, then, you took this dangerously-devoid-of-danger character and placed him on a road to stardom that swapped the hard knocks and life lessons of building a music career for entry into a contest voted on by middle-America. You might think you'd have the makings of so-bad-it's-good After School Special. But what you'd actually have is Adam Lambert, the future winner of the eighth season of American Idol.
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I want to make clear at the outset of this review that I don't believe in American Idol as a tool for creating pop stars. I say this foremost because I think most pop music is garbage, so I can't really believe (in the sense that the term connotes getting behind something) in the show as anything more than a filling station providing fuel for the problem. It's thus really hard for me to take the show seriously or believe that there are any real stakes involved. I do get a sense that these contestants' hopes and dreams are on the line, subject at any point along this swerving and soaring rollercoaster ride to be salvaged or shat upon. But if reality television has taught me anything, it's that real people on TV are not human beings, but rather commodities cultivated for my viewing pleasure.
Powered by this brand of jaded cynicism, I've steeled myself against the draw of American Idol for seven full seasons. Equally antipathetic to the show and the pop music landscape it purportedly helps to create, I would not have been able to tell you any significant difference between William Hung (the mere punchline of a joke from The Office) and Kelly Clarkson (a mere joke). But for some reason I let down my guard this year. Perhaps I'm keeping different company; perhaps I'm tired of ignoring the debate, as lame as it may be; perhaps the ugliness of the world we live in has caught up the ugliness of the manner in which I view it and I needed a little comic relief. Whatever the case, I've taken sweet relief in this season of American Idol, and Adam Lambert feels like an over-the-counter pain killer the FDA should be reconsidering.
I don't know how to say this kindly (and I'm kind of afraid that readers will think that I actually, sincerely like the guy), so I'm just going to get this out of the way: I'm laughing at him, not with him. But I'm laughing really, really hard, and he alone inspires it, so I honestly give the guy a lot of credit. I'm slowly beginning to realize that I tune in week after week to see him perform, and I feel frighteningly, illogically, certain that he will win. While I may not believe in the stakes presented by this show, I'm becoming unnervingly aware of the personal stakes involved: if this guy loses, I may be compelled to publicly complain. As if it mattered.
Looking back on my first impressions of Adam Lambert, he's not that remarkably cheesy to me. The line between LA hipster and LA starfucker is shockingly slim these days, and I think it's kind of a toss-up with this guy. The thing that puts him over the top is the fact that everything is so clearly, consumingly calculated: just enough leather, just enough swagger, just enough scuff and tear, just enough messiness in the hair, just enough stoned detachment. This guy looks like he was put together by a Showbiz committee of experts. Except that he did it by himself (or by himself and his stylist, but whatever). Which gives him a DIY Showbiz edge. Which is really no edge. But it's the whiff of an edge. Which is this guy's shtick.
So, armed with the whiff of an edge, this guy is clearly not made for good music. He's really not even made for music, but rather for some kind of production about music. It's tough to say whether he's more suited to Broadway or Las Vegas, but he's en route via Hollywood. He's just too good, too free of idiosyncrasy, too free of anything more dangerous than the whiff of danger. The only way he works is if you see him as a Broadway- or Las Vegas-style showman who just happens to be in a show designed to create pop stars. Of course, if you see him like that, it's showtime.
Lambert's vocal ability—whether he's doing hair metal or R&B; or both, like when he did the best Axl rose covering Michael Jackson's "Black and White" as a show tune in the first Final 12 (13) round this season—is stunning (if completely predictable). His stage presence makes 10 out of 12 competitors look like middle school talent show hopefuls. All of that, with the aforementioned, sculpted look, make up the kind of rock star a 9-year-old girl dreams about. The only way an adult should be appreciating this caricature of a rock star is if he's on a Broadway stage satirizing (or at least campifying) the archetype. Which, one would think, might be a problem for a television show attempting to find the next chart-topping pop star (rock or otherwise). One would think.
If you believe in American Idol, I can see the difficulty you might have in getting behind this guy. I'll say it again: he's not made for good music. But, if you—like me—neither believe in the quality of the show nor the value of the type of music it attempts to produce, you start to get a more nuanced picture of what this guy is capable of. Adam Lambert is a plastic proto-star on a plastic show designed to create plastic stars for a plastic industry fueled by plastic collectors. He's a shark—a creature fully and perfectly suited to his environment, powerful enough to halt the very mechanism of evolution. Adam Lambert is pop perfection incarnate. But only when you recognize American Idol and pop music in general for the garbage that it is.
It's hard for me to believe I'm making much of an argument here. I want to believe that everyone who watches American Idol understands that it aspires to nothing more than shallow, meaningless kitsch. But why, I have to ask, do we ultimately pay for the music and go to the trouble of texting in votes and even take time to watch the show in the first place. Are we so absorbed in the cynicism of it all that we're willing to be engaged by this so-bad-it's-good aesthetic to such a degree that we will furthermore spend our money on it? I don't know. I have no confidence in an argument either way. But what I am confident about is the perfect and clarifying storm that is Adam Lambert. I'll predict again that he will emerge victorious at the end of this season of American Idol, at which point light bulbs above the heads of armchair pundits will flash on, triggering the realization that this guy is no more a meaningful singer than is American Idol an authentic method of producing one than is pop music an effective medium for experiencing one. It's all a sham, folks, and if you want to shoot the messenger, aim at Adam Lambert.
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stingertbx
January 03, 2010
Obviously... You don't get the Master Plan. .. And... "I don't care if you Understand" Your reviews seem to be more about you than anything else...
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katzparov2070
October 31, 2009
WOW...........That's a lot of words to describe someone from a show that you detest. Just the fact that you devoted so many words to ADAM LAMBERT says it all, whether you realize it or not. Not a meaningful singer ????? Evidently, Brian May thinks so. Brian May is no slouch !! Playing alongside Freddie Mercury all of those years. Lambert can sing anything...............Incredibly well. I really don't understand the point of your article. Obviously, Adam Lambert has gotten to you too... To devote so many words to him, says it all. If you didn't like him, why would you spend all time writing this piece?? Just say you like his singing or not. He is more than a product of the networks...........They can't produce a VOICE that only comes along once in our lifetimes, if we are lucky. ADAM PRODUCED THAT. Most singers out there today cannot even come close to his VOCAL capabilities. To complain about a talent show, makes no sense. Is it better for some singer out there to make it ahead of an equally gifted or better singer, just because he (she) knows someone in the music business or has the right connections???? You can knock on the door of every house on your block and pick the best singer in each of those households and give them the biggest song to sing and give the best a contract...........However, there is NO GUARANTEE that each has NO talent. One of those singers could possibly be the BEST SINGER to ever walk the face of this earth. A talent show has the ablity to showcase a talent that may not have the (big connections) or the relative who is in show business to get them in as well. And maybe, just maybe a future great appears on one of these shows. ADAM LAMBERT is one such GREAT.
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SatinSilvermouse
October 24, 2009
Any person in the music business recognizes how incredible Adam's singing ability is. He will be very successful.
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shalomtovah
October 23, 2009
No matter what you think of the show, Adam is a fantastic singer with a four octave range. If you actually knew his background you would know that he has many years of hard knocks. Now that Idol is over and he has come in second we are seeing the beginning of a true super star, not a Britney Spears. Since you seem to detest pop music you may not be qualified to critic it. Just what kind of music if any do you like?
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peterknight
April 14, 2009
I appreciate Adam Lambert's creativity. Whether one agrees with his style of music can be debatable. Nonetheless, he does hold the public's interest - which I think really is the point. Same phenomenon with Howard Stern in the day. People tuned in to listen to him for he was just too interesting not too - whether people liked him or not. I'm going to go out on the limb and say that Adam Lambert is probably not going to win this season's competition. Rationale is that historically, the title has been granted to an underdog - or to who has been portrayed as the underdog the whole season and only to spring forward in the last several weeks with momentum. Last season, it was Archuleta who had the supposed nod the whole season and the title was granted to Cook. Having said this, I believe that Adam will still be awarded with a record contract at the end of the day along with a huge following which will overcast this season's winner. This same pattern has been seen before with Chris Daughtry. Just my thoughts.
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jlizzy
April 13, 2009
Wow. That is a tad jaded. I don't really throw AI in with other reality shows because its a competition on talent, not on how long you can last in the jungle without people hating you... There are two thing I notice most and like about Adam Lambert 1) he seems like a really nice guy and 2) he takes chances and is creative with his use of music. I can appreciate his talent, but right now there is only one idol who's music that I am sure I would purchase (that would be Kris). So do people vote for Adam because hes different and entertaining? or because they would buy his music? I'm guessing its the first, which is why Idol doesn't always produce a great star.
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darin3
April 08, 2009
Man, that's quite a lot of info to digest. You may be right; Lambert could/might win this season's American Idol, but I don't think he's the demigod that the likes of Paula "I don't know how to clap" Abdul paints him to be. He's obviously got some talent, but I think he'll be more Taylor Hicks than David Cook, should he take the crown (or in his case, would that be tiara?).
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DonnaL1
April 01, 2009
I'm not in favor of shows that create rock stars or any other stars for that matter. People have to get in the door somehow as most show biz veterans will agree, but once these folks get in the door, they better bring something to the table. Some do, others don't. With Adam, it's a wait and see game, although right now, I'd say he's got the heads up!
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FashionKitty
March 13, 2009
So what your saying is ... You love yourself some Adam Lambert? That's what I thought.
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Why not write a review about your favorite artist? "Of course, we all know that Adam can sing, but he REALLY sings. By that I mean he doesn’t fool around with falsetto trickery, sloppy diction and lazy breathing, which so many pop singers do. He sings with a full head voice into his falsetto range and he never lets go of a seamless legato line. Like many great opera singers, he not only sings a musical legato line, but also a lyrical one and extends the line beyond the phrasing. This … more
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review by trho12.
January 04, 2010
adam lambert is the bomb! he is a winner! his song is playing on a commercial for fox network as I write! no other idol that i know of has a network using their single for a commercial! the man is a musical genius! as for all the gimmicks for attention, it is entertaining, but adam can sing! and sing his _____ off!!!!!!! he doesn't need any gimmicks like some entertainers who don't have the vocal ingenuity of adam lambert! all he has to do is sing, and his ability takes you on the most thrilling … more
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review by patricialemire.
October 29, 2009
Sincerity, honesty, talent, intelligence, humility, kindness, and last but not least…beauty…the Fierce One is truly, truly ….Different! That’s why he captivates and thrills us with each and every appearance, no matter what he’s doing!
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review by gusfemale29.
March 21, 2010
Adam lambert is what a real man should all be. Hes funny,smart, fine,knows his music, dress well walks tall. I look up to him in meny ways. Im proud he dont play to be some thing he ant! He knows what he wants and he just goes out and gets it. I wish some day hed take a minit to talk with me . I know im a no body but to me hes every thing. It would just make my selfexsteam stong and maybe Ill think better about my self. Most men are asses and hes just so not that! … more
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Quick Tip by pchs98.
January 27, 2010
OMG I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!YOU ARE AN AMAZING PERSON YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF ALL OF YOU ACCOMPLISHMENTS
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Quick Tip by Teresa6432.
January 14, 2010
I love Adam Lambert he is one that I haven't heard for along time and it is about time..He reminds me of Queen's lead singer, go ADAM
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Quick Tip by lisa29.
December 29, 2009
like your music be your hot man
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Quick Tip by aricat28.
December 21, 2009
Adam is the best singer in the world.
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Quick Tip by SatinSilvermouse.
October 24, 2009
Adam Lambert is a very talented singer and an entertaining performer. He has great vocal range and puts emotion into his singing.
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review by Butter.
May 20, 2009
This guys is one talented singer and without doubt, the most talented on Season 8 of American Idol, but good lord, when he would go to hit the high note with his signature-scream, he was so over the top and ear piercing that my wife would run to the other room each time he unleashed the screech. It was almost as if she was a cat being tortured by an ultrasonic pitch that's inaudible to humans. Most of the time, I'd thoroughly enjoy Adam's songs, until the screech, at which point I'd cringe and my … more
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About the reviewer
Cory O'Malley (DesignDude)
I'm a community manager at Lunch and think I know a thing or two about quirky industrial design, indie rock, lowbrow art, contemporary British authors, Mediterranean cuisine, chihuahuas -- pretty much … more
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About this musician
Adam Lambert is one of the final 2 contestants on FOX's American Idol Season 8. He auditioned in San Francisco, California to the song "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. All four judges voted Adam through to Hollywood and he went on to compete with the top 12 finalists.
Born on January 29th, 1982 in San Diego California, Adam attended Deer Canyon Elementary School, Mesa Verde Middle School and Mt. Carmel High School. He began singing at the age of 10, spent the last 8 years involved in musical theater and choir, and also performed in his schools jazz band. Lambert is a stage actor who was the understudy of Fiyero in "Wicked" and currently lives in Hollywood.
Song List on American Idol 8:
• February 25 - "Satisfaction" by The Rolling Stones
• March 10 - "Black or White" by Michael Jackson
• March 17 - "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash
• March 25 - "Tracks of My Tears" by The Miracles
• March 31 - "Play That Funky Music" by Wild Cherry
• April 7 - "Mad World" by Tears for Fears
• April 14 - "Born to Be Wild" by Steppenwolf from the movie, "Easy Rider"
• April 21 - "If I Can't Have You" by Yvonne Elliman
• April 28 - "Feelin' Good" (Bottom 2)
• May 5 - "Whole Lotta Love" by Led Zeppelin
• May 5 - Duet with Allison Iraheta - "Slow Ride" by Foghat
• May 12 - "One" by U2 (judge's choice)
• May 12 - "Cryin'" by
Musicians, Singers, American Idol, American Idol Contestants, Adam Lambert, American Idol Contestant
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