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This movie wasn't called "Obnoxious Humans" It's TRANSFORMERS

  • Jun 13, 2009
I saw this in the theater and later when I got it on DVD my dad and I watched it, and he had the same reaction I did at the same scene.  The goofy "hiding" scene around the house where 50 foot tall robots are trying not to be seen by humans and geeky little Sam is trying to find an all important pair of glasses to save the day.  Maybe it wasn't that exact scene, maybe when it was when Sam's parents barge into his room and his mom tries bringing up masturbation.  Maybe that was it.


Seriously, did you see the trailer for this?  I saw humans running around, humans looking scared, I did get an outline of Optimus Prime the Transformers commander but WHERE WERE THE TRANSFORMERS?!

Thats what you might be saying as you watch this.  Sure Transformers are sprinkled throughout the movie and we get little glimpses of them here and there to keep your attention but you really have to sit through some serous padding to get to the good stuff and rely on the actors to carry this and a lot of those scenes are by our nerdy hero, plucky little Shia LeBouf who has cuteness to spare for an entire season of Full House (no thats not good).  I'll give Megan Fox some credit as she just said in Entertainment Weekly that "this movie is not about acting"  Right you are girl.  Makes me wonder more and more why so many scenes of this movie are without the films real stars The Transformers.

Want a story?  Okay, the Transformers fight the Decepticons.  The end.  There is a LITTLE more too it, involving a Transformer artifact that could help them build a new world, or help the Decepticons take over our world but it's pretty much an afterthought.

Talk about unrealistic too.  I don't mean alien robots that turn into cars or jet fighters to blow each other up, I mean that the sizzling hot Megan Fox character even would give Shia LaBouf's nerd character the time of day, let alone hang out with him and MAKE OUT with him.  When does that happen in real life?  I don't care HOW badly she was just dumped.  Okay the giant robots is one thing but this is another.

Heres something I don't mention often if at all, but product placement in movies is something that never really bugged me.  I can see why it's left out of some movies so that the corporations have less hold over the movie or because some people think it's lame advertsing, but this movie takes the cake.  It's not on Demolition Man levels of bad where Taco Bell is the only restaurant in the world but man this movie pushed it.  I do like the Mountain Dew machine that gets turned into a Transformer, they never made a toy of it though.  Hey, an action figure that shoots bottles of slimy green soda at people is a license to print money.

The final brawl for all so to speak in the city where the Transformers finally get together to battle the Decepticons IS worth sitting through the movie to see.  Thats how awesome it is.  It goes on JUST long enough and really helps the movie.  Too bad smaller, similar scenes weren't in the movie more and this movie might have rocked.

Let me put into perspective though how much the rest of this movie suffers though.  I think the TRAILER for the sequel is better then this whole MOVIE.  That trailer is giving us action and is giving us Transformers with the stupid human characters only dropped in for the cameo they should have.  A two and a half minute trailer beats out a 2 hour movie for entertainment value?  What world does that happen on?!  A world without giant robot cars or hot chicks who date nerds I guess.
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July 10, 2009
LOL! wow, I did like the way the story was put together on this one a tad better than its sequel. The sequel was trying too hard to outdo the simple formula of this one that the sequel collapsed. (although the robotic fights were better in # 2) I think I would have rated this one a 3 out of 5 stars. I really was annoyed to the point of boredom with the sequel...nice write up!
July 10, 2009
ROTF really did try too hard on a story thats ultimately dumb but when a movie is called Transformers, it better have Transformers in it. This one barely lived up to that and had way too many annoying characters. Now thinking back to the sequel the humans thankfully get downplayed but they're screen time is made up for by having even more annoying scenes.
June 24, 2009
Great Review...Terrible Movie.
June 24, 2009
I'm planning on seeing the sequel soon. It better cut down on Shia and his mom. I know John Turturo is in it again. He was cool as this weird special ops guy.
June 15, 2009
I'm starting to think Shia Labeouf has never been in a good film.
June 17, 2009
As long as he's the hunky MTV boy toy I think I'll pass on him. He looks ridiculous running around in a suit in that Eagle Eye movie.
More Transformers reviews
review by . September 27, 2009
posted in Movie Hype
Now, if you know me here on Lunch then there's one thing you probably learned about me early on... I love to hate Michael Bay.  Yet I couldn't stay away from Transformers the first time.  I began hearing from some of my friends that it was actually good.  They're not big on Michael Bay either.  In short, part of the reason I saw it was because I wanted to tell my friends that Michael Bay probably just made a movie with no plot and just put together a bunch …
Quick Tip by . July 24, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
Takes WAY TOO LONG to give us what we want and teases us in the mean time but the finale makes up for the monotony, lame comedic characters and other annoyances.
Quick Tip by . July 18, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
I loved this movie and took the kids to see it when it came out would love to rent it now!
Quick Tip by . July 14, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
Can't wait for Transformers VIII or whatever number they're on. Michael Bay should be tried for crimes against humanity.
Quick Tip by . July 01, 2010
Intense, smart but not too smart and intriguing this big screen adaptation of the popular transformers franchise works better than it should, plays out better than you could ever expect. However, in the end leaves you wanting more.
review by . December 09, 2009
posted in Movie Hype
   This is a fast-paced slick movie starting with the reason why the Transformers came to Earth (there are two bands in search of a cube) and a spectacularly filmed attack on an American military base in Qatar. At first the viewer thinks that these are some evil machines out of a Stephen King movie and then you realize (like in Terminator 2) that there are good ones and bad ones.       The special effects are amazing and the story and characters are pretty good too. …
Quick Tip by . November 23, 2009
Great robot-on-robot action, especially for Michael Bay!
Quick Tip by . November 17, 2009
Long and irritating big screen movie of alien robots that turn into cars and planes and wage war. One great scene just makes it worthwhile.
review by . June 17, 2009
Transformers Blu-ray Cover art
Say what you will about Michael Bays Transformers, this is one of my favorite movies of all time.  Though not everyone is a fan of this film, it was one of the biggest hits during the summer of 2007, if not the biggest.  Transformers is an action packed, story driven thrill ride, something that Michael Bay knows how to pull off all to well.  All of the wonder and awe of the film has been transferred onto beautiful Blu-ray High Def and this makes it just as much fun at home as it is …
Quick Tip by . August 25, 2009
posted in Movie Hype
So, somewhere along the line it was decided that making films based on toy lines was a good idea, but it wasn't! Military vs. robots. Yuck!
About the reviewer
John Nelson ()
Ranked #3
Born in Wausau Wisconsin. Move at an early age to Ventura California and lived for 8 years. Growing up in a big city landscape didn't prepare me for my next move: Archbold Ohio with a population of … more
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A long time ago, far away on the planet of Cybertron, a war was being waged between the noble Autobots (led by the wise Optimus Prime) and the devious Decepticons (commanded by the dreaded Megatron) for control over the Allspark, a mystical talisman that would grant unlimited power to whoever possessed it. The Autobots managed to smuggle the Allspark off the planet, but Megatron blasted off in search of it. He eventually tracked it to the planet of Earth (circa 1850), but his reckless desire for power sent him right into the Arctic Ocean, and the sheer cold forced him into a paralyzed state. His body was later found by Captain Archibald Witwicky, and before going into a comatose state Megatron used the last of his energy to engrave a map, showing the location of the Allspark, into the Captain's glasses, and send a transmission to Cybertron. He is then carted away by the Captain's ship. A century later, Sam Witwicky, nicknamed Spike by his friends, buys his first car. To his shock, he discovers it to be Bumblebee, an Autobot in disguise who is to protect Spike, as he bears the Captain's glasses and the map carved on them. But Bumblebee is not the only Transformer to have arrived on Earth - in the desert of Qatar, the Decepticons Blackout and Scorponok attack a U.S. military base, causing the Pentagon to send their special Sector Seven agents to capture all "specimens of this alien race," and Spike and his girlfriend Mikaela find themselves in the middle...
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Cast: Colin Fickes, Michael O'Neill, Anthony Anderson, Robert Foxworth, Glenn Morshower, Jon Voight, Bob Stephenson, Rachael Taylor, Bernie Mac, J.P. Manoux, John Robinson, John Turturro, Rick Gomez, Hugo Weaving, Darius McCrary, Tyrese Gibson, Amaury Nolasco, Chris Ellis, Jess Harnell, Steven Ford, Craig Barnett, Kevin Dunn, Shia LaBeouf, Andy Milder, Travis Van Winkle, Samantha Smith, Zack Ward, Odette Yustman, Johnny Sanchez, Tom Lenk, Michael Shamus Wiles, Charlie Adler, Peter Cullen, Colleen Porch, Mike Fisher, Wiley M. Pickett, Julie White, Jason White, Peter Jacobson, Sean Smith, Brian Stepanek, Esther Scott, Carlos Moreno, Jr., Reno Wilson, Mark Ryan, W. Morgan Sheppard, Rizwan Manji, Josh Duhamel, Ronnie Sperling, Jamison Yang, Megan Fox, Luis Echagarruga, Patrick Mulderrig, Brian Shehan, Michael Trisler, Ashkan Kashanchi, Jimmie Wood, C.J. Thomason, Lt. Frederic Doss, Charlie Bodin, Josh Feinman, Brian Prescott, Scott Peat, Jamie McBride, Brian Reece, Ravi Patel, Andy Dominguez, Madison Mason, Jeremy Jojola, Jessica Kartalija, Andrew Altonji, Andrew Caldwell, Pete Gardner, Sophie Bobal, Laurel Garner, Chip Hormess, Ray Toth, Dan Ferris, Michael Adams, Ron Henry, Benjamin Hoffman, Michael McNabb, Adam Ratajczak, Maya Klayn, Michelle Pierce, Jim Wood
Director: Michael Bay
Genre: Action, Adventure
Release Date: July 3, 2007
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Screen Writer: Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman
DVD Release Date: October 16th 2007/September 2nd 2008 (Blu-ray)
Runtime: 2hrs 20min
Studio: Dreamworks PIctures, Paramount Pictures
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