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TSA Pat-downs

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Transportation Security Administration pat-downs at airports
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TSA Pat-Downs, Pleasure or Pain?

  • Dec 2, 2010
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TSA Pat-down -Pleasure or Pain?

In recent weeks, especially with the onslaught of holiday travel, there has been a great deal of controversy and buzz about the TSA (Transportation Security Administration) screening of people as they go through security.

As I packed for my recent holiday travels I saw some of these people on the news complaining and it seemed ridiculous.  

Have the memories of exactly what happened on 9/11 really faded so quickly?  Has political correctness really taken this country by the undercarriage so much so that we are willing to sacrifice security from terror in the skies just to avoid some stranger giving us a pat-down or seeing our naked bits through the digital body scanner?  


Below is Monkey's first hand TSA Pat-Down Experience.  Beware, it could get raunchy!


Traveling with baby Monkey, I naturally had bottles and formula.  TSA agents at the airport said they either had to open my (unopened) formula to test it, OR I could have a full body pat-down (a pat-down for me and baby monkey, as you can see below, us Norwegian/German-Americans do look kinda scary).  

With a glimmer in my eye I eagerly accepted the pat-down as my curiosity burned as to what those yahoos on the news were complaining about.

I was asked if I would like a private screening.  "Nah, I'm good."  I figured it would be more enjoyable for my husband to witness the frisk.

First they patted down baby Monkey, with no incident, then she watched from her stroller as mommy got the P.D.

A robust woman came over and informed me that she was going to give me a full body pat-down.  Clearly nervous in the wake of all of the hubbub about these procedures she gingerly warned me,  "I will have to pat down your groin and breast area."  

Me:  "No problem,"  this was going to be so interesting!

The pat-down began with a nice, almost Swedish like massage rub down my legs.  I thought it was pleasant, in fact, what a great way to start my day!  (Mind out of gutter please, I mean in a "new mom needs a massage" kind of way!)

The TSA woman was clearly nervous and started up an idol conversation asking the age of baby Monkey.  I'm sure she was wondering if I was one of those complaining types that would try to get on the news.   

Me:  "Six Months."

TSA Agent (hands on my body):  "Wow, really, well your figure looks really great .......... and....."

Radio silence.

I looked away, she looked away, and it was just a weird and untimely comment, but let's face it, new moms will take what compliments they can get, even if it is from a nervous TSA agent patting them down!

Kidding aside, the whole experience was No. Big. Deal.  Period. 

Obviously if someone has been abused by a TSA agent that is unacceptable, but I have to say not only was the experience really benign (despite the awkward comment), I borderline enjoyed the pat-down!  

They really don't grope you directly on your privates, and frankly, I'm fine being groped, or even digitally scanned down to my skivvies if it means the Monkey family is safe in the sky.

Want to learn more about Conquer The Monkey? Come to our blog! 


Mommy and baby Monkey pre-pat down, as you can see, we do look like a couple of very threatening girls!


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August 16, 2013
Your review was a very enjoyable and well written. I hope you will be writing more reviews going forward. I am sorry you had to go through this but you seemed to take it well. Unfortunately there have been many tales of agents that have abused their duties and not sure what to do have done the "wrong" thing. Now that a few years have passed since your experience, I wonder if you feel the same way.
December 02, 2010
A funny thing to review, Cameron, but timely and funny! I pretty much figured the media was playing up the pat-downs (it's what they do). Glad to hear the experience wasn't as horrific as we've been led to believe! You two really do look pretty scary! ;)
December 02, 2010
Great post Cam... i could totally imagine you guys going through security while reading this. I like they way you were able to characterize it as a Swedish massage..... too funny.
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