We're recapping HBO's fifth season of "True Blood," the drama series based on the Southern Vampire Mysteries by Charlaine Harris. Set in the fictional town of Bon Temps, La., the story revolves around a waitress named Sookie Stackhouse and her dealings with all manner of vampires, werewolves, witches and other supernatural creatures. The vampires, who are attempting to co-exist openly with humans, instead live on a synthetic version of blood called "True Blood." Spoilers ahead.
Lafayette's boyfriend Jesus got involved with a witches group led by Marnie, a woman who was voluntarily possessed by Antonia, the ghost of a centuries old witch with a thirst for revenge on vampires. When (as Bill's deputy) Eric came to investigate, Marnie put a spell on him that caused him to lose his memory. Sookie took him in and cared for him; they fell in love and began a relationship. Marnie tried casting a spell to induce all vampires to commit suicide by walking outside in daylight, but was thwarted by Jesus, who freed Antonia's spirit from Marnie. After Bill shot Marnie, her spirit took over Lafayette's body and stabbed Jesus, killing him to gain his powers.
After Eric and Bill ask Sookie to choose between them, she rejects them both. Nan Flanagan, a member of the Authority (the ruling body of vampires) tells Bill and Eric she plans to overthrow the Authority. When she tries to make them join her rebellion (by threatening Sookie) they kill her and her guards.
After Jason Stackhouse saves Jessica from being burnt in the sun by one of Marnie's spells, they begin a relationship. Hoyt is furious to find out his best friend is now dating his ex-girlfriend.
Arlene and Terry Bellefleur exorcise a ghost from their house, which is burned down.
Alcide joins a pack of werewolves for the sake of his girlfriend Debbie. When he finds out that she's been having an affair with the pack's leader Marcus, Alcide kills him. Marcus has been harassing Sam Merlotte, who is in a relationship with Marcus's shapeshifter ex-wife Luna.
Debbie, who knows Alcide has a thing for Sookie, shows up at Sookie's house and tries to shoot her. Tara (Sookie's best friend) jumps in the way and takes the bullet. Sookie shoves Debbie down and shoots her. End of Season 4.
OK, let's do this. Plot Points
-- Bill calls Jessica and offers her use of his mansion because he has to "go out of town." In the background, Eric rapidly cleans up the remains of Nan's body. As they are about to leave the house, an enforcement group sent by the Authority captures them with silver nets and lock them in the trunk of a car to be transported to an unknown destination.
-- Reverend Steve Newlin (ex-leader of the Fellowship of the Sun, a movement to kill vampires) shows up at Jason's house and reveals that he was turned into a vampire as a punishment. He "glamors" Jason into letting him in, and unexpectedly reveals that he is "a gay vampire American" and in love with Jason. Luckily, Jessica shows up and claims possession of Jason, while the reverend gets thrown out of the house when Jason revokes his invitation.
-- Pam shows up at Sookie's house looking for Eric. Sookie and Lafayette plead with her to turn Tara into a vampire and save her life; Sookie promises to owe her one. Pam changes into a yellow Walmart sweatsuit and Sookie and Lafayette bury her with Tara. While Sookie cleans up what's left of Debbie's body, she admits to Lafayette that she didn't shoot Debbie out of self-defense -- she wanted to kill her.
-- Marcus's werewolf pack tracks down Sam, believing him to be the one responsible for killing Marcus. He agrees to go with them to protect Luna and Emma, and to cover for Alcide. They proceed to torture him. Marcus's mother comes to Sam and asks him to take the pack to Marcus's body.
-- Bill and Eric manage to poke a hole in the gas tank and blow the car up. The driver of the car is about to shoot them when the woman in the passenger's seat stakes him. It turns out she's Eric's sister: they both had Godric as their vampire sire, and she is very well connected within the Authority. She hides with them in a storage unit by a dock to await rescuers who will take them out of the country. Nora also says that the Authority is divided over killing Bill and Eric for their mistakes or rewarding them for getting rid of Marnie, who was a threat to all vampires.
-- Patrick, a former Marine in Terry's unit, shows up with the news that his old unit members have all had their houses burn down. Terry argues that his house burned down because of the angry ghost they had to exorcise, but Patrick says he believes another Marine is responsible.
-- Alcide comes to warn Sookie that Russell Edgington (an old and powerful vampire who wanted vampires to rule humans) is alive and has escaped his concrete prison. Sookie nearly confesses to killing Debbie, but Lafayette intervenes and kicks Alcide out of the house.
-- Jason and Sheriff Andy Bellefleur are eating lunch at Merlotte's. A judge comes to Andy and asks him to expunge a speeding ticket for his son. Jason tries to apologize to Hoyt again, but gets told to get lost. Jason crashes a house party thrown by Jessica for some college students; when he sees her kissing another guy, he leaves with one of the girls. However, he only drives her home after admitting that he's a jerk with issues.
-- The werewolves dig up Marcus's body, and then devour it in a ritual to show respect. Alcide and Luna find the pack (and Sam) and Alcide admits he killed Marcus. Marcus's mother tells him that he needs to eat from the body and take on the position as Packmaster, but he refuses. Luna takes Sam home to treat his injuries.
-- The rescue team meets Nora, Bill and Eric at the docks; however, they are ambushed by Authority members and taken captive.
-- Pam emerges from the burial site and says she doesn't know whether Tara was turned before she died. As Sookie cries by the grave, Tara explodes from the ground and attacks her.
This hot mess of a recap was brought to you with help from NOLA.com's Lauren Ruello. It's a good thing the seasons of "Game of Thrones" and "Mad Men" have ended for the year; just trying to stay on top of all the crazy plotlines in this show is going to take some effort
And! I have so many questions already! Why did Jesus's body disappear? How did Russell Edgington escape? What the heck is going on with Terry Bellefleur, and is it supernatural? Why did Andy agree to get the judge's son out of a speeding ticket? What kind of werewolf ritual includes cannibalism? Was Bill just going to give up his position as the Vampire King of Louisiana and disappear without telling anyone?