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Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels

1 rating: -3.0
A movie directed by Michael Roush

When a quiet fishing village is invaded by a gang of hairless zombies on motorcycles, a female biker and her male counterpart--who are both intent on removing unwanted body hair from humankind--join the zombies in their mayhem. The owner of the town's … see full wiki

Release Date: 1999
MPAA Rating: Unrated
1 review about Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels

Hot Wax Zombies 1999 - ewww, Pesky body hair

  • Mar 5, 2004
Pros: ..

Cons: ..

The Bottom Line: _________

What do an award winning opera singer, a star from Power Rangers & Silk Stalkings, a National Tae Kwon Do champion and an actress that trained at the British Academy of Dramatic Arts in London have in common? Hot Wax Zombies on Bikes, I am sorry to say.

Directed by Michael Roush and written by Elizabeth Bergholz, we are taken to the sleepy town of Daneport, Oregon, where nothing ever happens, in a style that would make Troma say ‘What the Hell were they thinking?’.

Center stage are the two local hairdressers, played by Tre Lovell (National Tae Kwon Do champ) and Jon Briddell (Power Rangers/Silk Stalkings) and Jon’s girlfriend, Sharon (Jill Miller/British Academy of Dramatic Arts). In a sort of Three’s Company relationship, this group saunters through the town together like a happy loving threesome. You might mistake Tre and Jon as lovers but Jon is all horny, with a capital H, for women, but semi-satisfied with his prim and proper Sharon. Sharon, by the way, runs the local lingerie shop and is town councilwomen. B-O-R-I-N-G.

All set for another Chopper Chicks in Zombietown, I was sadly disappointed when Yvonne (Gwen Somers, Opera star) roars into town on her big, bad Harley. That wig! Someone should have shot her for that hairpiece alone.

Appearing in various stages of nakkidness and eventually in full nakkidness, Ms. Somers is all eye candy if you can get past that stringy Dacron head piece. I know, I know, most people don’t get that high on her body and don’t even realize she has a head or face. The face ain’t all that either, just in case you are interested. Probably a pretty woman at one time, she has, as they say, grown long in the tooth.


OK, sure, I know you are looking for a plot to this movie. The idea that the daring Ms. Somers has is to rid everyone in the world of all their ‘pesky body hair’ with a secret formula that she has introduced. By joining some chemical with her hot wax treatments she turns everyone that gets de-haired into thrusting, humping, sex starved zombies. Sharon is trying to stop her. There ya go kids, plot - start to finish.

They try for every stupid sex related joke and sound effect known to man and they just don’t come off. Even the rats are humping in this movie and danged if they don’t show that at least twice as well. Come on.

As far as acting goes, please, give me a break. Except for the fact that everyone seemed to be having one Hell of a good time, it was horrible. Verbal interaction was stilted, wooden and stoic. Shot with a 35mm camera, I don’t think I need to go further on that point. The scenery, however, was just down right gorgeous but they give no credit to where the shooting location was. Probably to protect the innocent.

You are treated in one scene, a motorcycle chase scene, to Somer’s operatic voice as she belts out some Viking arias while she is trying to find Sharon and Tre. Not worth the buck fifty you would have to spend on the movie though. Ridiculous would be the proper expression.

Nakkidness rating is about a 30+ with a mammary rating at about 50+, several full frontals, lots of tight buns unsheathed, natural boobs - saw about 3 sets, a silicone playground here. Trying to remember but I don’t think there are any 4-letter words beyond damn, as in Hot Damn, and except for the mysterious potion, no drug use. Does that mean you should let the little ones watch this movie. Oh, good Heavens, no. Not even sure you should watch it alone.

I might mention that Ms. Somers is apparently well respected in Operatic circles, trained with several world famous stars and made her debut at age 18. She also appeared at Madison Square Garden, has made several albums and apparently is quite accomplished. This is what happens when you step outside the box.

If you are bored with your pesky body hair, perhaps this is the movie for you.



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