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Massacre in Dinosaur Valley

3 Ratings: 0.7
1985 film directed by Michele Massimo Tarantini

An action-adventure story about a handsome paleontologist and a group of explorers who venture into the tropical jungles of the Amazon in search of the mythical "Valley of the Dinosaur." All the women in the party are captured by a tribe of … see full wiki

Director: Michael E. Lemick
Genre: Horror
Release Date: August 13, 1985
MPAA Rating: Unrated
1 review about Massacre in Dinosaur Valley

Massacre in Dinosaur Valley - 1985

  • Sep 4, 2009
Pros: it is boob-a-licious

Cons: far too many to mention, yet I recommend it to the chosen few

The Bottom Line: A movie you have to keep abreast of at all times

Been a while since I’ve watched a monster/gratuitous sex film and, fortunately, Massacre in Dinosaur Valley supplied plenty of the latter. There were indications this would be a film with cannibals and although they do show up, we get little in the way of cannibals - just one heart eating scene - but honey, we get a bazillion bobbies bouncing.

It is a little confusing how it all starts. There is an old dude and stunning young woman [who looks like a young Valerie Bertinelli] on a busload of horny voyeurs and a woman holding a duck [goose/rooster, whatever]. They are traveling down the road in the bus at breakneck speed. I am familiar with this style of erratic bus driving, experienced it myself once in Cozumel although there were no live animals on the bus, only free beer.

The bus arrives in ??? frankly I don’t know but everyone is delighted to see the bus arrive. As the old dude and the fetching miss stagger into the only hotel they are met with the news from the hotel manager that there is only one room available and they will have to double up. This is accompanied with much eyebrow waggling by the manager and insensitive remarks. Imagine his surprise, and ours, when we discover this is a father and daughter. I was just as disappointed as the manager.

Next a group of three enter the lobby from their rooms upstairs. It is a photographer and his two muses. Again the manager waggles his eyebrows, and rightly so. I was born with more clothes on than these women are walking around in and they don’t mind giving us an eyeful from the start. Models? R-I-G-H-T … They head off for their ‘shoot’ and just as we are watching it, waiting for them to change their clothes into even less clothes, it goes back to the hotel. Cheap shot.

The next of our wanderlusts appears. Some G.I. Joe factor, complete in fatigues, and his “I wanna be Marilyn Monroe” wife. From the hair to the clothing to the obviously breathy-voice impersonation, she is giving it her all. That is when she has the bottle or glass away from her overly painted and pouty lips.

But that’s not all … oh, no … a rather large truck appears with a load of bananas and nestled into the back is our Indiana Jones impersonator. Complete with a large crate of bones. I dunno, don’t ask. There’s the gang. And they will all join up on a plane headed to Dinosaur Valley, a forbidden place with the pall of doom over it. Also the home of the headhunting cannibals.

Go Team!

From this point on you are basically on your own. I will mention we spend more time viewing a huge array of breasts as well as full frontal nudity and some rather unattractive rear nudity. Although there is also some firm and tightly formed rear nudity included.

This was written and directed by Michele Massimo Tarantini. No awards, can you believe it. It doesn’t carry an actual MPAA rating  on IMDB but with the nudity and rape scenes, I’d rank it way up there in the high R, low X. Did I mention the lesbian? OOPS … Michael Sopkiw plays the part of hero Indiana Jones wannabe, Kevin Hall. Did I mention the leeches? The machetes? The plane crash? Just use your imagination but, trust me, you’d never come up with the hilarity of this plane crash.

DVD extras include: commentary by Sopkiw which kinda rambles along; interviews with Sopkiw and Tarantini; deleted scenes and trailers.



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