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Octopus

1 rating: -3.0
A movie directed by John Eyres

While on a top secret mission to deliver a shadowy international terrorist to American authorities, the crew of a nuclear submarine, along with a young female octopus expert, faces a living nightmare when the ship passes through a Bermuda Triangle-like … see full wiki

Cast: Ricco Ross
Director: John Eyres
Release Date: 2000
MPAA Rating: PG-13
1 review about Octopus

Octopus - anyone for a little calamari?

  • Apr 8, 2001
Rating:
-3
Pros: Oh no - I'm not setting anything to writing in this section

Cons: movie, acting, monster, special (?) effects, well everything .....

The Bottom Line: It's horrid, just don't bother

Deciding to break away from my normal staid and dependable oldie monster flicks, I broke into the 2000 market to do a little comparison shopping. Thinking I will slink back to the 1970's where monsters were monsters and they didn't bother to try to throw in a story to clutter up a perfectly horrible movie.

Ode to the Octopus
Well kiddies, I'm no rocket scientist but I'm not a boy/girl in a bubble either. I may not understand how nuclear fission works but I have the basic intelligence to understand that when a nuclear powered submarine gets grounded on the floor of the ocean and blows up, there is gonna be a boom topside. This was just one of the many faux pas I encountered in this lame excuse of a movie.

If you can stand to stumble through the first, oh, I don't know, hour of the friggin movie before they even start talking about the aforementioned star of the flick, don't bother to think you are gonna experience any great excitement after that point. The one good part of the beginning is the delightful strip poker game between Dr. Lisa Fimcher (Carolyn Lowery) and the balance of the crew on this submarine, before they pick up their ‘secret agent man' Roy Turner (Jay Harrington), a FBI agent on board to bring back a bad guy.

Apparently I got so taken up with the strip poker game I never picked up on where the bad guy came from, why he was on the sub, where and how they picked up the secret agent guy, etc. Suddenly they were all just there together! And I refuse to watch it again just to find out how and why this happened.

Anyway, long story short - secret agent guy manages to let bad guy get loose but let's face it, they are on a sub under water - how far can a guy go anyway? In the meantime, the ‘Octy' makes his appearance. Ok, with newer technology we can make more realistic looking monsters now, but geez Louise, this darn thing was ridiculous. It was too darn big to do as little damage as it did and then when it suddenly started really wrecking havoc, it was too darn small.

But it managed to ground the sub on the ocean floor and the witty and sublime Dr. Lisa manages to gather a few chicks together and escape in some underwater pod and rise to the surface. In the meantime, the sub blows - kaboom! Interestingly enough, directly over the sub is a pleasure boat full of non-suspecting cruisers partying and generally having a good time. At no time is there the slightest wave or ripple from the nuclear explosion to rock this cruise boat ...... do they think I am that stupid? Haven't I seen nuclear testing films before? Where was the darn mushroom? Where were the waves? Where was the debris?

Of course, the nuclear explosion doesn't harm our trusty ‘Octy' even though he was fully inside the submarine when it blew up - but who am I to doubt such things? How do we rid ourselves of this gigantic alien lifeform? Oh me, oh my! Secret agent man climbs back into the little underwater pod with a little dynamite and cruises into the ‘Octy's' open jaws. NOW we have explosions and waves and rocking the darn ship - go figure! What a friggin farce!

Well, there is more to the story, I'll admit that, but hardly worth my time or yours. It sure ain't nobodies Jaws or even Orca. I'm sorry, but they just don't make ‘em like they used to.

Sitting on the sidelines
If I had to pick someone to talk about in this movie it would probably reluctantly be Dr. Lisa, Carolyn Fincher. She was pert and feisty and gave the guys a run for their money. As an actress though, she was only second grade. They gave her a part in the movie as an intelligent person then played it off by making her ply her sexiness instead. A darn waste as far as I was concerned. Maybe they were afraid a little intelligence would be too much for the movie?

The balance of the crew were non-mentionable, up to and including secret agent Roy. Just a bunch of idiots flaming their testosterone on the screen, flexing their pitiful muscles and trying to act brave - phooey!

You never really get a good shot of the octopus, a few nasty mouth shots and a tentacle or five, but no good close ups. The under water scenes weren't all that good, offered no imagination, and the entire story basically blowed. Other than that, you can take it for what it was - nothing.

Written by Michael Weiss, directed by John Eyres. Also starring Ravil Issyanov, Ricco Ross, Jeff Nuttall , and George Stanchev. This was just the beginning of a bad weekend.

Thanks,
Susi :)

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