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Lunch » Tags » Movies » Reviews » Reptilian

Reptilian

1 rating: -3.0

A movie directed by Hyung Rae Shim

An archaeological expedition in Southeast Asia turns horrific when a two million year-old fire-breathing dinosaur is resurrected after being unearthed. Suddenly, all of mankind is at risk by a giant beast with one thing on its mind--destruction! After … see full wiki

Tags: Movies, Horror, Suspense, Horror Movies

Director: Hyung Rae Shim

Release Date: 2000

MPAA Rating: PG-13

1 review about Reptilian

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Reptilian – Dr. Livingston I Presume?

Nov 3, 2001

by SusiDee34
posted in Movie Hype

Rating:

-3

Pros: ......

Cons: notice the above space is blank

The Bottom Line: The bottom line is - this movie stink, stank, stunk!

The Oracle says: Richard B. Livingston has a Bacon number of 2.

Richard B. Livingston was in What's Love Got to Do with It (1993) with John Fink
John Fink was in Flatliners (1990) with Kevin Bacon ***

Showing up for this production are a cute and perky paleontologists assistant, Holly; a doddering old paleontologist that has been missing for two years, Dr. Hughes; a demented and self-centered paleontologist, Dr. Campbell; a John Belushi impressionist, sleazoid tabloid photographer, Bud Black; a slew of inept military personnel; untold numbers of low-life government officials; alien life forms that I certainly will describe later and our star and his sidekick - Yongarry and Cykor.

This production, though credited to Marty Poole for dialogue, was certainly done by some third grade English class as a project. And the graphics - darling, they would break your heart! It just screams BLUE SCREEN all over the place. The monsters are atrocious, and yet, these people believed that THIS production would rival Godzilla when released. PLEASE, even that lousy American version of Godzilla put this turkey to shame.

But enough about the stinkin' scenery, we don't need no stinkin' scenery anyway!
The movie ahem the start of the movie is in a cave with paleontologist #1 and paleontologist #2 in search of some great artifact. With all the hieroglyphics we see scattered about, we just know they are gonna make their find which they do. However, old Dr. gets separated from the main group and makes a find of his own, the remains of an alien. In the meantime, demented Dr. finds some pulsing, light emitting stones in another part of the cave.

We hear old Dr. scream, demented Dr. says Screw him, and in turn his entire group gets blown to skippy and back when they try to excavate his find. These first two things are the beginning of a long line of unexplainable things that happen in this movie. 1. Old Dr. somehow ends up in the clutches of the NISA, a covert government agency that even the President doesnt know about and he is held there for two years. Everyone believes he is dead. 2. When the explosion occurs in the cave it looks like a nuclear test site, why did only demented Dr. survive, and how?

Two years later demented Dr. is on the dig again, accompanied by the lithesome Holly, when Bud Black arrives on the scene. Holly knows Blacks rep, but Dr. is impressed that he had an article in Time Mag, so he lets him hang around to be the photojournalist on the project. Unfortunately, he never lets him shoot any pics. Everytime old Bud snaps a pic, the Dr. opens the camera and pulls the film out, go figure.

Anyway, what Bud is there to photograph, and what has the demented Dr. in a tizzy, is the skeleton of a dinosaur that is 50 times larger than a T-Rex. This would be Yongarry, but we dont know that for a while. In fact, we dont know a whole lot of stuff for a while. Anyway, back to the dinosaur. Now the interesting thing about this Yongarry, the way they have excavated him is so perfect that you could write a book on the anatomy of dinosaurs from this creature. It is perfectly laid out, like he just snuggled down to rest for a minute and didnt survive the nap. No bones scattered and better yet, no bones missing. But there is a reason for that!

Didnt I mention Aliens and inept government agencies?
Sure I did. In some old trash heap of a space craft there are assumably a legion of alien beings, although we only interact with two of them. They look, when you can see them for the bad lighting, like a cross between the creature from Alien and a big ant. And they speak like Darth Vader. In fact, they are kinda Darth Vader like in their appearance with all that shiny black covering on their pointed little heads.

Turns out they are the owners of Yongarry and they have been waiting 200 million years (insert cough) for some Earthling to dig the bad boy up so they could resurrect him and have him destroy the planet. Ya know, there is just something WRONG about that. If they have the capability to resurrect him with a light beam after he is dug up, then why .. oh Hell, never mind.

So they bring Yongarry back from the dead
Yes, and it was a fine display of laser light beams from that decrepit old space ship in the sky and the talking ants. It was bad, friends. Yongarry stands upright although all his legs seem equal in length, as opposed to the T-Rex with those little forearms. To avoid the feel of Godzilla, a little man in a rubber suit, Yongarry is completely computer generated and you know it. Skin texture is horrendous and coloration is really bad and the blue screen it practically gives him a blue glow all the time and for the most part you cant see where he ends and the blue screen begins. In fact, the entire movie has that lame effect and you feel like the whole thing was shot in bits and pieces and then superimposed over the background.

Yongarry can roar and he can blow one incredible fire blast but other than that hes horrible. And the ant/aliens keep beaming him up Scottie everytime he seems to be getting in trouble. But lets face it, he has a force shield around him, our lowly weapons cant hurt him, except .. even Superman had Kryptonite (yes, spelled wrong, I know).

Naturally I wont tell you how
But Yongarry turns around and becomes a good guy after destroying half of the city (city unknown). Hey, what the Hell is up with that? the Alien ants inquire, so the send down Cykor to combat Yongarry.

Cykor? Is that a nomenclature?
One could only wish. No, it is a cross between a ticked-off crab, a turtle, a stegosaurus and two or three other mammals/creatures thrown together. Even when Yongarry lobs off a claw or, better yet, beheads the creature, it still operates. It throws out tentacles from the wounds that vaguely resemble intestines.

Fine, but what happened to the cast of stellar characters?
Demented Dr. sees Yongarry come to life and makes the following statement: I can communicate with it, I made it (cough) and then he stands with hands on hips and yells You must obey me, I made you to Yongarry. After they scraped his body up out of the sand in the middle of the huge Yongarrian footprint nuf said.

Old Dr. and perky Holly manage to get inside the top secret government agency and into the War Room and set about decoding a CD that has the balance of the information from the hieroglyphics that will give the inept government forces the know how to destroy these creatures.

Bud Black just suddenly disappears. Apparently he only signed up for X amount of camera time and he had overstayed his welcome. Never seen again and never mentioned again, but that happens a lot in this movie. Poor guy never did get his photographs.

Inept government officials and military personnel? Out of nowhere comes a new, not yet approved, test market jet pack that the special forces strap on their back and they fly around Yongarrys noggin shooting at him. Lets see F-16s 10 destroyed, Jet Helicopters 9 destroyed, unnamed city destroyed but yet they think they can fly into the face of Yongarry and shoot him with some 9mm gun and do the trick (cough). Ah, but that is a different wrinkle to the story and Im not giving it away.

Cykor done.

Yongarry tell me if you think of Macys when you see it.

THE worse acting and directing, editing and writing I have ever seen in my life. And I have watched some real turkeys. I really cant say enough bad things about this movie.

Favorite quote
'Black' - this is too weird. We got this crazyassed control freak professor, a fanatic old man who should be doing tours in a museum somewhere, a cute bltchy chick, more dead bodies than a Taratino flick, and a two hundred million year old bigassed lizard. 'Campbell' - so why the worried look, Mr. Black?

Produced and directed by Shim Hyung Rae.

To those that are aware - this Hyundai is no Honda!

Thanks,
Susi :(

***Compliments of Department of Computer Science
School of Engineering, University of Virginia

Recommended:
No

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