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Sinful Nuns of Saint Valentine

1 rating: -1.0
A movie directed by Sergio Grieco

An Italian nunsploitation epic in which a demented Mother Superior and a rabid collection of mentally disturbed and sex crazed sisters lose their habits and morals with equal gusto. Inspired in part by "The Devils of Loudon," this is considered … see full wiki

Release Date: 1974
MPAA Rating: Unrated
1 review about Sinful Nuns of Saint Valentine

Sinful Nuns of St. Valentine - bone up on your Italian

  • Oct 11, 2004
Rating:
-1
Pros: ...

Cons: ...

The Bottom Line: __________


The biggest favor you can do yourself is hit the OFF button as soon as the 10 minute intro, by Redemption Studio, ends. Redemption’s intro has more T&A than the entire movie, is in English, and is just good poorly done vampirism and soft core sex. The movie - to put it mildly - sucks.

The Sinful Nuns of St. Valentine is a boring movie that has only one good quality, it ends. It is in Italian with English subtitles and you are thankful that you have to be diverted from watching the film long enough to read the words. It’s a teaser, making you think it is going to be either about sinful nuns or the titillating cell life of young ladies locked in a convent, similar to the jail type movies where some babe is always lusting after another babe.

In reality there is some small correlation between the jail bait and the nun bait movie. There is the overbearing and powerful Abbess (like a warden) that rules with an iron hand and as it turns out, a bouncing bed. There is a hot sultry babe that lusts after our heroine and completes her mission I might add. There is the innocent young heroine that lusts after her hot and forbidden lover. And there is murder, mayhem, and machoism.

As the story goes………..
Hero Estaban wants to marry and bed heroine Lucita. However, their families have feuded for years and their tryst is forbidden by her father. To alleviate the temptation, father tosses Lucita, a young and hot blooded miss, into the convent. Estaban, after a chase and a battle - poorly done I might add - Estaban ends up hiding in the convent via intervention by the verger.

Later, Lucita, after a night of romping with Estaban, which seems a little out of character for this diminutive miss, returns to her room to find Josefa, her roommate, naked and lounging in Lucita’s bed. In return for Josefa’s silence, she requests a little tickle beneath the sheets herself and Lucita complies. The next thing you know, Josefa is found dead and Lucita is blamed for her death and must face the Inquisition. From this viewing and previous viewings regarding the Inquisition, Hitler had nothing on these dudes. Lucita is whisked away to Seville to stand trial for murder and be burned at the stake.

Throughout the movie there is a lot of creeping about but all you ever see is the hem of a gown or the shoes. My first suspicion was the Abbess cause she is a creepy wench anyway.

The Abbess, being a true Abbess, knows that Estaban is hiding in the convent and takes him to her rooms to - uh - help him locate Lucita, yeah, that’s the ticket, sure. Of course her main concern is getting her ashes hauled, she couldn’t give a flyingratsass about Lucita.

If you’ve given one ounce of thought to the movie before this time it goes even further downhill from this point. Discovering the nuns sinful ways, the Inquisitor seals them up in their convent to meet their maker, including the winsome Lucita. The only course that can be taken from this point is to figure out how to get the good nuns out, along with the loquacious heroine, and leave the bad nuns in. The bad nuns would mostly be the Abbess, although the other ones knew of her misdeeds and didn’t turn her in even though she had been bedding and killing young men for ages. Their story, not mine, cause she didn’t appear to have been old enough to be around for ages.

There are so many bad things about this movie it would be easier to list the good - hold on, I’m thinking. For instance, after the nuns were walled up in the convent - hello? Why all of a sudden is there no air, water or food? For one thing you can tell the convent is drafty as Hell, there would be constant airflow of some nature. For another, if they would have bothered to leave the Abbesses bedroom for one friggin minute, they might have wandered down to the kitchen and grabbed a bite or even a drink of water. Their staggering around in mock death scenes just hurt, plain and simple. Of course, had they done that you wouldn’t have the advantage of watching them suddenly peeling off their habits for an unknown reason - to breath better?

Written and directed by Sergio Grieco, The Sinful Nuns of St. Valentine went just to the edge of sleazy and then stopped. I suppose it could have been worse, it could have lasted longer than 93 minutes. My suggestion is just watch the Redemption intro and call it a day.

Thanks,
Susi


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