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Terror Firmer

1 rating: -3.0
1999 film directed by Lloyd Kaufman

A dedicated film crew is hard at work on a schlocky movie when a serial killer strikes. Only the crew can track him down. Typical Troma horror fun, plus self-referential movie in-jokes, including the Toxic Avenger and Sgt. Kabukiman. Inspired by director … see full wiki

Director: Lloyd Kaufman
Release Date: 1999
MPAA Rating: Unrated
1 review about Terror Firmer

Terror Firmer 1999

  • Jan 25, 2003
Pros: It only lasts 114 minutes, though painful

Cons: 114 minutes is a pretty long time

The Bottom Line: Don't even consider it

A year or so ago, a friend at work brought me a video of Matewan, telling me it was a story about the area he came from, a really good movie. After viewing it, I concurred it was outstanding. So, when he came to me and said, “You’ve just gotta see Terror Firmer”, I thought, sure, why not? His previous recommendation had been a really good selection.

I’m not talking to him anymore.

If you are not familiar with Troma Productions, then Terror Firmer would be something that would be so abhorrent and foreign to you that you would run screaming to your local psychiatrist. Unfortunately, I’ve watched other Troma films, so I wasn’t surprised at all with this release.

Oddly enough, when ordering from NetFlix, I inadvertently requested the wrong disk the first time. Seeing it advertised as bonus disk, I figured it had other stuff the regular disk didn’t. ha! Turns out it was the bonus disk to the movie. Strangely enough, the bonus disk runs 129 minutes, the movie itself (when I finally ordered the right thing) only 114 minutes. Rather, 114 minutes of Hell.

Terror Firmer is a movie about making a movie. It contains all the worst schlock you can imagine and some you cannot imagine. It is based on the novel, All I Need To Know About Movies I Learned From Toxic Avenger, which is another movie (Toxic Avenger) offered by Troma. The movie was written, directed, produced and stars Lloyd Kaufman. He’s not good in any phase of the production, but again, that is what the movie is about.

Supposedly the movie is about a production company, called interestingly Troma Productions, making a movie about The Toxic Avenger, I think. A serial killer is stalking the movie set offing various players in the most gruesome way. So we are always watching a movie inside a movie, trying to figure out who the bad girl is – most assuredly a girl in high heels and mini skirt.

Yes, it is twisted and indeed it has a twisted ending. There is nothing, I repeat nothing, pretty about this movie. Kaufman, who plays the director in the movie, is blind. I won’t even investigate the possibilities of a blind director, use your imagination. There is a lot of excrement in the movie, both visually and coming from the actors mouths in the guise of script.

Literally, as with all Troma productions, the camera work is horrible. I think this is intentional. Mostly they use hand held cameras with a lot of jerky motion, sky shots, feet, and no heads. This often leaves you feeling very disjointed, then again, there is no real movie or script, so it fits in well. Naturally there is an unholy ending.

Truly this is a movie that must be shared with others, not viewed alone. It would be perfect for one of those weekend get-aways that I’ve heard couples do, with several friends sharing the experience. Not a movie for parties, unless it would be beer related, and you wouldn’t give up a good football game for it.

Enter the world of Troma productions gingerly.

This movie carries an R rating for language (lots of really bad language), sexual situations, nudity (I won’t even discuss the fat hairy guy running down the street in NY naked – they really filmed this and got arrested) and just general bad taste. But that’s Troma for you, they excel and require bad taste.

I’m sorry if you didn’t understand anything about the movie from this review. Watching it won’t change that either. Even though I’m not talking to Seth at work anymore, I really do suggest you catch the movie Matewan. I can almost forgive him …… almost.



Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age

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