The Bottom Line: "Brains for dinner Brains for lunch Brains for breakfast Brains for brunch Brains at every single meal" ~Misfits
When I get tired or bored with the lousy movies available today, I rely on falling back on truly terrible movies from bygone eras to remind me how far we have come. With that said, I recently watched The Brain Eaters, which fully reinstated my thoughts that although movies today aren’t all that, they certainly aren’t THAT.
The Brain Eaters was directed by Bruno VeSota, written by Gordon Urguhart. Don’t bother thumbing through the awards section, you will be wasting your time. It carries a PG rating but for the life of me I can’t figure that one out. Ed Nelson, who produced the movie, also stars in it and, apparently, was also responsible for the incredibly bad creature, having made it himself.
When I first saw it I immediately was torn between a fuzzy ball with pipe cleaners for antenna and a low-budget Tribble, from Star Trek fame. Reading the trivia on IMDB I discover Nelson did, indeed, construct the little critter from wind-up toys, fur from an old coat, and, sure enough, pipe cleaners. Of course, this was long before Tribbles were thought of but there is Star Trek fame in this film because it also stars Leonard Nimoy although he is only recognizable by his voice. To top it off, they spelled his name wrong in the credits on the movie, using Nemoy instead.
I can just see them power housing around a conference table: VeSota:“We’ve got to get together a list of people that were in the movie for the credits listing.” Nelson: “Well, there is myself, as Dr. Paul Kettering, and Joanna Lee as Alice Summers.” VeSota: “Yep, got those down … don’t forget Cornelius Keefe as Senator Walter K. Powers.” Nelson:“Right. Oh, and what was the name of that guy that played Professor Cole?” VeSota: “Leonard something, what was it? Oh, right, Leonard Nemoy, although I’ve never heard of him before.”
And so it was written …
The Brain Eaters: Driving down the road, two completely boring and uninteresting characters see ‘something’ in the distance. Leaving their vehicle, they trek through the woods [she in complete couture with hat, gloves, purse, high heels, flouncy dress] and discover a metal cone about 3 stories tall. The government is contacted and who do they send? Scientists? Nope. Military? Nope. They send a friggin senator, WTF?
Senator Powers oversees the operation, mainly barking orders, while Dr. Paul Kettering and his assistant, Dr. Wyler, who is probably 30 years his senior, do all the dirty work. Everyone is firmly convinced this is a spaceship, but how to enter it since it apparently has no door of any kind. They do manage, after some work, to get a porthole opened and what do they do? Enter it? Nope. They shoot a gun in it to listen to what happens.
Meanwhile, on the other side of town, people are starting to change. Even the major, who mysteriously disappeared for several days, doesn’t seem quite right. And what is in that glowing container that man is carrying around town? First, I must interject, it is a friggin fishbowl, talk about a tight budget, and covered by a hanky. Does nothing to hide the thing, especially since it glows so charmingly. Apparently the fishbowl contains our little parasite because it is so small it would take forever for it to move from one point to another, so, hence, people with fishbowls.
On first observance, it appears to be a disgusting ball of spaghnum moss and apparently the bowl only glows when the critter is inside. After the transporter [human] scoops the mess out of the bowl, it skitters across a surface [carpet, etc] to reach its’ final destination - the base of the skull on a human. Then it takes over the human but apparently doesn’t know, it is only a fur covered ball after all, that attacking the human brain ends up killing it in the long run, along with the human.
Because we didn’t get enough of the boring and uninteresting characters that discovered the metal cone, they reappear - low and behold he is the son of the mayor, so apparently he DOES have a purpose in the film, and she is his sweetheart. Of course they send the furballs to attack her as she languished in her bed sleeping. The ‘containment’ crew await outside in their car and, finally, she appears … oh good Lord, she is wearing stiletto heeled platform marabou mule slippers and a diaphanous gown barely concealing her too cute for words baby doll pajamas. And off they go to the spacecraft.
But wait … IS this truly a spacecraft? Holy Batman Robin. No. We finally meet up with Leonard Nimoy as Professor Cole. Find him sprawled next to the craft, on his death bed. Eek and alas, Prof. Cole has been missing for over 5 years and now here he is, lord and ruler of the critters, garbed in a beat up wizard outfit and a Santa beard, telling a story of doom and gloom. Turns out the craft came from the bowels of the Earth, not the skies, to let us know [haven’t we heard this somewhere before] that we are killing the planet.
Never fear punkins, I didn’t give the story away. Watch it yourselves for the climatic ending and all the fun leading up to it.
you can give your thanks to ladyconsumer because without her diligence, this review would not have been possible :)