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Timber Falls

2 Ratings: 2.0
A movie directed by Tony Giglio

A couple (Josh Randall and Brianna Brown) hikes through the picturesque woods of West Virginia, but their trip becomes a disaster when one of them disappears. The other person soon realizes that the forest's quiet beauty masks a hidden evil in this … see full wiki

Director: Tony Giglio
Genre: Horror
Release Date: December 7, 2007
MPAA Rating: R
1 review about Timber Falls

Timber Falls - 2007

  • Mar 22, 2009
Rating:
+1
Pros: it's a slasher film but better than some, nice scenery, characters aren't that bad

Cons: adapts a lot of other films

The Bottom Line:
“I think it's gonna be a perfect camping day
The trees and animals
And clear blue skies
A waterfall comes tumbling right before my eyes”
~John Denver

Excuse me if I’m wrong, but why in all that is holy would you even consider camping at a location titled ‘Donner Trail‘? Why would you hesitate to ponder that over a peaceful sounding spot called ‘Willow Creek Bridge’? Well, one, cause you are city folk, and, two, cause you are city folk … that’s why. Of course, had you not taken that time to debate the glories of both trails, you would have never had the opportunity to meet Ida, the ethereal creature that suddenly appears on the path. But, I’m jumping ahead.

First we have Mike and Sheryl, a sweet couple from Alexandria, VA., who decide to take a little weekend trip to the Kimbrabow State Park in WVA. A little hiking, a little camping, a little cuddling … no biggie. The park ranger advises them to follow either the Donner or Willow Creek trails because those are the ones that are patrolled, just in case something happens. He also warns of locals that sometimes get a little territorial. Plastered on his walls are hundreds of flyers for missing girls and couples. I’m leaving now, thank you.

That is how we find them at the deciding branch in the trail and this is when Ida Forester happens along. She tells them of the beautiful landscapes and falls along the Timber Falls trail, and they are sold. These aren’t experienced hikers, they even almost left their tent behind in their car when they started out. Really, they should have stayed to the patrolled areas. Which begs to question … why don’t they patrol all the areas? Well, they are patrolled, kinda, by Ranger Clyde, but that comes up later.

They barely get five feet into the woods when they decide it is already time for a little romp and tickle. Naturally, as Sheryl is practically in the buff and Mike is, oddly, still clothed, a group of locals arrive on the scene. All I can think of is Ned Beatty in Deliverance. After the threesome harass the couple for a while, ogling heaving breasts and sniffing panties, they are suddenly best buds and break out a jar of moonshine to share with the couple. Of course, once it is opened, Mike has to buy it cause the seal is broken. I’m thinking that rotgut stuff self-seals once opened anyway but Mike forks over the $50 for the bottle. He did hesitate for a moment, deciding whether to withdrawn his gun or wallet from the pack.

I’m thinking … ‘Whoa Mikey … there’s 3 of them and they all have rifles. Whatcha thinking man?’ Satisfied, for the moment, with their money, Darryl and his brother Darryl and his other brother Darryl leave the couple alone. They continue on to the falls, which, I must admit, are beautiful, and are once again almost caught with shorts down to their ankles by Ranger Clyde. After a brief talk, he tells them about a wonderful campsite just over the rise, next to a lake. Off they go to pitch camp, and, of course, consummate surviving another day.

The next morning Sheryl, obviously an early riser, heads off to take a dip in the lake. I just might interject here, everyone, and I mean everyone, is heavily clothed in this movie. Seems like it would be a bit nippy for a lake dip. Of course, without that, how could Sheryl get kidnapped, Mike get wounded, and all their camping gear get stolen? But I digress.

After frantically searching for Sheryl, and encountering a couple of those Darryl’s from the day before, Mike returns to camp and finds it cleaned out. Running through the woods he manages to get caught in a big dang bear trap. Or maybe it is a human trap. He wakes up, sometime later, in Ida’s house, in a whole bunch of pain. Visions of James Caan and Kathy Bates swarm in my head as Ida begins to administer to his wounds. She even hides him when the Darryls come looking, ain’t she nice?

Of course she has an agenda, as we quickly find out. And it is hidden 20 feet below her house in a creepy room, watched over by her brother Deacon. Looking at Deacon’s face full on you picture Jack White on one half and some creature from hell on the other half. An accident, Ida hints, but never explains. If you can get by the fetuses in jars, the religious icons, and the torture chamber, then you’ve had a good trip.

It seems Ida, who is married to Ranger Clyde [he really is a ranger], has a bad womb. Can’t carry a baby to term for anything. So, they bring unsuspecting couples into their little hovel and expect them to procreate and give them the offspring to raise as their own. Seeing as how they have no child yet, and there are plenty of missing couples posters on display in the ranger station, it appears this little scenario isn’t working out. Maybe they will be successful with Mike and Sheryl, we’ll just have to see.

Timber Falls was directed by Tony Giglio. Don’t bother getting the tux outta hock, there will be no awards ceremony. It is rated, and justly, R for bloody violence, torture, language, and sexuality. It almost, but not quite, was a decent film. Certainly the exterior shots were beautiful and, oddly enough, the morbid and horrible interior shots were fairly well done, lighting and timing wasn’t all that bad. It just wasn’t original in any manner but few of these are.

The parts of Mike and Sheryl were played by Josh Randall and Brianna Brown. For what they were given, they put out decent work. Nick Searcy, Beth Broderick, and Sascha Rosemann rounded out the little family of Clyde, Ida, and Deacon. Poor Sascha, that facial makeup looked miserable to wear.

This is an extremely gory movie. Some of the torture scenes with Mike were a bit tough to watch but I’d rather have my back flayed with that cat-o-nine tails than have Deacon slobbering over me like Sheryl did.  Again, humans attacking humans, the most vile monsters of all.  All that gore in the middle of paradise, deceiving and it pulls you in.

Extra features include:
Behind the scenes featurette; trailer

Thanks,
Susi

Recommended:
Yes

Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age

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