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Dating Advice: 7 Mistakes Single Women Make

1 rating: -2.0
An article on Yahoo!'s Shine Love + Sex webpage.

Dating Advice: 7 Mistakes Single Women Make is an article on Yahoo!'s Shine Love + Sex webpage about Lori Gottlieb’s book, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.

1 review about Dating Advice: 7 Mistakes Single Women Make

Dating is hard but I don't think this is the way to go.

  • Feb 7, 2010
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Rating:
-2
I have been thinking about this article for a couple of days. Maybe I am getting the wrong message out of it but to me it seems totally wrong. Work on your own emotional IQ. Improving yourself and use good judgment. If you do this then you deserve someone who appreciates and respects you. Don’t settle. Here’s my rebuttal of why.
 
1. We feel entitled – As someone who works with mostly men and who has good friends who are men. They do feel very entitled in direct proportion to their income or their looks. There is nothing wrong with feeling entitled as long you don’t take it to extremes and realize your own faults. For help with that work on your own self-awareness. You are entitled to someone who appreciates you for you. That doesn’t mean they will like or agree with everything about you but they do have to respect your opinions and your views.
 
2. We think we have unlimited options – With the advent of the internet and online dating sites your options are wider than they have ever been. It is so much easier to broaden your circle of friends via social networking. So while the options are not unlimited, make a list of the things you have to have and don’t settle.
 
3. We’re judgmental – Maybe we are but if you talking about spending your life with someone maybe you need to be. If your ewe-yuck meter goes off, listen to it. If they annoy you at first, it won’t get better over time. I was married 16 years. This I know.
 
4. We’re pickier than men. As a single mother who dated with 2 teenage girls in the house. I needed to be. However, pick your battles about what to be picky about. My fiancée is a republican and I am neither. I didn’t care what his political views were as long he respects mine and doesn’t try to shove his down my throat. He doesn’t think homeschooling is good for his daughter but respects my choice for my children. We don’t agree but we see the benefits for the kids, respect each others decisions and support each other by going to parent events at both types of schooling.
 
5. We go for the alpha males. Not all of us. I usually terrify Alpha Males, they grunt and beat their chests then I come in and can not only keep up but usually excel them. My relationships have not been about competition or popularity. It’s personal and about me as a woman not necessarily because I can do "such and such" better than most men. Having a healthy sense of self and good self-esteem is needed for a healthy relationship.
 
6. We think, “I love me more.” – If you love me more, then you don’t need a relationship or heaven forbid kids. But, you do need a healthy sense of self, your own self interests, your own pursuits. It makes you a better partner. The stronger you are emotionally as a single person the better partner you make in a relationship.
 
7. We think he needs to share every interest. No, he doesn’t. I like the mental stimulation of learning about his interests and sharing about mine. How boring it would be if we couldn’t bring something interesting to share with each other. I have fun learning new things from him and although he doesn’t like to read, he reads my articles because it’s part of me and he is interested in the things I do. I don’t like golf but I agreed to go with him and ride in the cart to share the game with him. How you share them is the important point. You don’t have to be joined at the hip but compromising is part of it.
 I don't know if I took it wrong. It may be good info but the way it was presented made me feel insulted. I think everyone needs to learn balance in their life and their personality. For this Valentine's day improve your emotional IQ and your relationships will improve.

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February 08, 2010
I went through all of this after twenty four years of marriage. Very good job.
 
February 08, 2010
That article was a bit upsetting to read, especially as a young woman.  Not that I'd ever settle in the way that the author is suggesting, but if I were to take her advice, it'd be much, much later in my life.  I'm not even going to start with everything that I think is wrong with it, but I think you have a really great rebuttal here, Elissa!  Well-put, and tackled with tact :)
 
February 07, 2010
I don't think the blame should lie entirely on women...but, on choices that we make. Sure, some of these "mistakes" do get in our way but, how else do you learn what you want in a relationship if you don't make mistakes. I agree with your views and agree that you need to appreciate your true self, not settle for less than you deserve (which is the best for you) and learn the tremendous value in celebrating differences. My fiancee is completely different than me in a lot of ways but, we agree on the important things in life. If I wanted someone exactly the same, I'd miss out on the love of my life. I'm DEFINITELY NOT into Alpha males probably for the same reason you aren't ;p Finally, I think we're entitled to a man or woman that will treat us with love, respect, openness, honesty and loyalty. Does that make it wrong or have I just learned from my "mistakes"?
 
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