15 Movie Franchises That Should Crawl Into a Hole and Die
Sep 5, 2009
Ah, Hollywood. Whenever they run out of ideas and they don't have a book, graphic novel, video game or (in the case of Disney) amusement park ride to adapt from... they have to go to their last resort: A sequel to a franchise. The first film is good, the second sometimes even better. The third is hit or miss... but once you go beyond three things either start getting repetitive or its worn out its welcome. Here, we'll only list the first movie in each franchise. But let's be clear. Just because the movie is on the list doesn't mean the franchise is bad. In fact, in most cases it's probably pretty damn good. That's part of why it got a sequel... okay why SOME of them got a sequel. Are all these movies continuing with their franchise? Well, not all of them, but some of them are rumored...
This one at the moment is just a rumor. They say Die Hard 5 will go into production in 2010. Die Hard should probably... die. From the absurd amount of Copycat movies ("It's Die-Hard on a ____"), to the fourth film itself, Die Hard is something that fans have to let go and leave in nostalgia land now. The fifth film is only a rumor. And While I'll say that Live Free or Die Hard was actually okay, it is time to pass the torch on to another action movie franchise.
Remember when we heard rumors of Indiana Jones 4 and we thought it would never happen? Well, rumors have already surfaced about a 5th. I actually didn't think Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was bad. That plot twist felt incredibly forced and there was an unusual amount of weird CGI, but it was still fun overall. But one thing is for sure... if that 2012 release date is true... then it might as well be called "Indiana Jones and The Last Breath."
The first Scary Movie... sucked. I won't lie. It did. It was ballsy and unusual, which was part of the only reason it succeeded in the first place. It took lewd, crude comedy to new heights in 2000. Each sequel has been progressively worst than the previous one, and has given birth to movies like Epic Movie, Superhero Movie, Disaster Movie etc. etc. Well, apparently David Zucker (who hasn't made a good movie in years--and his most recent film An American Carol was just as bad as all those spoof movies listed above) is ready to go with Scary Movie 5. Supposedly it comes in 2011.
Oh no, we don't think there's another Final Destination coming anytime soon... they just released one. But I highly doubt that's the last. You see, the horror genre (especially those like Final Destination) are ultra cheapt to make. It doesn't take much to be a success. The theory that there will be another Final Destination mostly comes from the fact that the series... has been profitable.
If you want a movie series where each movie seemed worse than the last... there's Pirates of the Caribbean. The other two movies seemed to forget what it was that was so incredibly fun about the first one. Primarily the films quick witted dialog. The other two movies felt as though the crew that worked on the first one forgot what the hell it was they were making a sequel to. But this has proved to be Disney's biggest success. With Dead Man's Chest making over a billion worldwide, there's still money to be made. And if there's one thing we know Disney loves, it's making money. And behold: Pirates of the Caribbean 4
See the full review, "Surprisingly Delightful!".
We already know Saw VI is coming. And like Final Destination it'll probably be the same thing. I stopped with Saw after the third film. They're all the same, but they're just not interesting anymore. They had Saw VI ready to go right after Saw V came out. Remembr how I said horror movies are cheap? Well, Saw is VERY cheap to produce. Someone in Hollywood needs money.
I never found any of The Mummy movies any good. But if there's anything we learned from the summer of 2008 it's probably that we're just not ready for anymore Mummy movies. But they're gearing up a Mummy 4 anyway and it's set to hit theaters in 2010.
There's a very simple formula that takes place with Superhero movies. The first one is good, the second one (if it isn't directed by Tim Burton) is THE BEST and the third one is usually pretty lackluster (but hopefully Christopher Nolan will change that if he directs a sequel to The Dark Knight... and if it isn't Christopher Nolan it's doomed). If the third one is bad... the fourth one is almost ALWAYS bad. Need I remind everyone about Batman and Robin? You want Spider-Man's suit with nipples on it? DO YOU!? Well either way, you're getting a Spider Man 4. But I digress, the reason the fourth is usually bad is just an amusing coincidence, I don't believe in curses. I just believe that every movie franchise eventually runs out of steam... it becomes stale and old. As much as I hate to see Spider Man end with the third installment, I don't think Sam Raimi needs to piss on the ashes of a franchise he burned.
Let me first say... I LOVE the Bourne Movies. Each movie was better than the last, with The Bourne Ultimatum being the best one. Which is why a Fourth Bourne movie could be bad. You know, "Don't Push Your Luck," and all that. Matt Damon joked on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart that if a fourth film came it would be called "The Bourne Redundantcy". The Bourne Ultimatum had an almost perfect ending. So the question really becomes... where do they go? Who knows, but apparently there is an Untitled Fourth Bourne Movie in the works.
They've already announced Shrek 4 and Shrek 5. How much of the green ogre can one take? The third movie was okay, but it seems like a perfect place to end the story. The films went like this: "First comes loves, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage." That was the arc of the three films. I'm not interested in seeing anything regarding the children.
I'll admit it, I actually liked the first Ring movie. It's nothing like Ringu (which IS better, but that doesn't make The Ring bad) but it worked. It's wrongfully branded a horror movie. It wasn't. It was mostly a suspense movie. A mystery of sorts. The moment they announced The Ring 2 I already knew it was doomed. If you make a movie that people actually find scary (even if it isn't horror) the second one always disappoints. And part of that came from The Ring 2 being horrible because it had almost... nothing to do with the first one. You have to wonder if the people working on it even watched that first one. But it's coming. The Ring 3 is coming... eventually. And if The Ring 2 is any indication it'll only get worse from there.
See the full review, "An Amusing Mystery and Suspense Film".
I know what you're thinking "Sean, Jumper only had one movie!" Now here's my response: "And it sucked." God, if I was a Jumper I would've jumped the hell out of the theater I was watching it in. But apparently Jumper 2 is a hop, skip and a jump away (I know, I know--I don't like saying that either).
Rambo V. I imagine it will be the same as the one we just saw. They revived it, and they're running with it. So I'm guessing either Stallone needs work, or this is some sort of joke. Wait, it's real? And I provided the Link in the first word? Ah, hell.
I know what you're thinking... "No one would be dumb enough to make a sequel to Baby Geniuses 2." But remember that someone WAS dumb enough to make a sequel to Baby Geniuses. This one hasn't been confirmed. It's actually just a rumor. If it comes true though, I will personally find the film and burn the negatives myself!
There's no movie simply titled "James Bond," but if there's one film series that needs to end... for the sanity and sake of us all, it's this one. The series started out good, but after Quantum of Solace I was wondering if I was watching James Bond or Jason Bourne. James Bond has lots of cool gadgets... Jason Bourne mostly uses whatever he has at his disposal... all of what Jason Bourne uses is real. This is what separates the two. Quantum of Solace felt like someone trying to mimic Paul Grengrass's film. You know there's going to be Another Bond Movie. (It is unknown whether or not they'll simply call it "Another Bond Movie.") Sorry James Bond fans... the series needs to be laid to rest. It was a good run, but if there's one franchise that Hollywood should stop producing movies for... it's James Bond.
I'm a more analytical person. I believe that the purpose of the review is not for me to give you my opinion but for me to give you an analysis and help you decide if you want to get it. If you reading … more