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You might be a Stephenie Meyer Vampire if.... (Twilight)

TeamAWAC
TeamAWAC
Lists (15)
Nov 25, 2009
There's been a lot of confusion lately among the vampire community. Vampires are finding it difficult to ascertain what specific genre of vampire to be classified as. In order to help clear up some confusion, I've created this list. Best wishes to Jeff Foxworthy...

Note: If you're new to the Twilight mythology, please check out my Twilight Review. 
1
Lancome ABSOLUE CONCEALER
Lancome ABSOLUE CONCEALER
If you need to wear concealer in the daylight to hide your "Sparkly Complexion", you might be a Stephenie Meyer vampire.
2
Baseball
Baseball
If the only way to quench your uncontrollable blood lust is to combat it with Baseball Fever, you might be a Stephenie Meyer vampire.
3
Volvo C30
Volvo C30
If you prefer the styling and handling of european cars over the clunky old hearses of yester-year, you might be a Stephenie Meyer vampire.
4
Claritin
Claritin
If Wolfman dander has got your allergies acting up, you just might be a Stephenie Meyer vampire.
5
Venison: Fast And Foolproof Favorites
5E3544130C5A90AFE0ACDCB7CDABBBA
You might be a Stephenie Meyer vampire if you're content with settling down with some nice venison and a movie rather than hunting down humans for their blood.
6
The New American High School
The New American High School
If you have the wisdom and knowledge of 700 years, but find the best way to pass the time is to hang out with kids in high school, you might be a Stephenie Meyer vampire.
7
Pottery Barn
Pottery
If caskets and mausoleums have been replaced with tasteful home furnishings from Pottery Barn, you just might be a Stephenie Meyer vampire.
8
The Abstinence Teacher
Abstinence Teacher
If despite your unholy curse, your moral integrity still holds you to be true to your commitment to abstinence, you might be a Stephenie Meyer vampire.
9
Seattle
SEATTLE
If you have the means to live anywhere in the world, but decide to hunker down in the Pacific Northwest, you might be a Stephenie Meyer vampire.
10
George Costanza
George Costanza
If you're 700 years old and you still live with your parents, you just might be a Stephenie Meyer vampire.
TeamAWAC

Thanks for reading my list. What did you think?
 
Helpful
 
41
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34
Fun to Read
 
60
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31


Ask me a question or post a comment
kevinism
Quite funny sir. You are a real class act.
On November 24, 2009
Reply
 
Husher315
This is HILARIOUS!!
On November 24, 2009
Reply
 
devora
Where's the gym membership and Muscle Milk?  You know those Stephanie Meyer vampires don't run around topless without it! :P
On November 23, 2009
Reply
 
trailblazer
Add a Debussy CD and some Tide to get out the dirt and blood stains, and you've got it nailed.
On November 23, 2009
Reply
 
woopak_the_thrill
LOL! excellent comedic list to make fun of Meyer's TWILIGHT! Love it!
On November 23, 2009
Reply
 
Sean_Rhodes
This is a really awesome list!  And really clever.  I love this!
On November 23, 2009
Reply
 
Scotman
Excellent satire. I gotta do this too.
On November 23, 2009
Reply
TeamAWAC
Thanks. This was definitely a lot of fun to write. Looking forward to your take.
On November 23, 2009
 
Bhaddad
Man this is great. Thank you for clearing up some of the confusion. Just great work. I am old school vampire fan, I thought Blade was pushing the Vampire rules a bit to far....but these tweenVampires they live by a whole new set of rules: sunshine... "no problem", wooden stakes... "oh please, seriously", mirrors..."wow I look good", blood lust..."starbucks mocha", ruthless..."your to good for me to make you a vampire". If the head vampire from Fright Night saw what these new kids are up to he would be rolling over in his casket.
On November 23, 2009
Reply
 
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