I love the Bond movies don't get me wrong but there are some that I love more then others, some are just average and then there are a few that are simply bad. Lets talk about the rest of them. Most of the ones near the top of the list are in no particular order until you get to the bottom.
Connery came back but by now he was heavier, wearing a toupee and only a little more interested in playing Bond then he was in You Only Live Twice. While the first half of the movie is close to the book the remainder of it is all new. The girls while attractive but annoying and the casting mostly is a miss and it was clear the idea was to have fun. The Mustang Chase down Fremont St in the middle of the movie is great. I may have only given it a 2 but thats mostly for how much the little things in this movie bug me in comparrison to how much I enjoyed it.
See the full review, ""This diamond is only 8 karats. Not completely worthless but we do have better ones available."".
Arguablly a better movie then Diamonds Are Forever but ho BOY does this need an edit as it is LONG and feels that way. The coolness of Bond in Nassau tracking stolen nukes and the S.P.E.C.T.R.E. organization is undeniable but this movie needs an edit to snip out the long underwater scenes that could have been cool but only drag.
See the full review, "Maybe it's waterlogged but it still remains awesome.".
Ignored again for that same reason as The Living Daylights-Timothy Dalton as Bond. This one isn't too bad but Bond ignores his own advice about revenge from another better Bond movie and the action scenes are VIOLENT. The girls while beautiful are forgettable and the villian is a stock drug lord who does have a moment or two.. Gets points for trying to be a little real at times instead of total fantasy and the finale is chock full of stuff that gets blow'd up REAL good.
See the full review, ""Now what happened in the book was that Bond...."".
This one took a dive on my list of favorites in the series for how stupid some of it is. While it is paying homage to the series for the 20th film in the franchise, it also has some of those great hard to follow moments that can lose you and you just have to follow it and enjoy. Bond is after a North Korean military leader who is smuggling diamonds and theres some fatuous English guy who can't sleep and I forget the rest. Much like Diamonds are Forever fun but no brain required for a lot of it.
See the full review, "Dumb Another Dumb.".
The unofficial Thunderball remake made in 1983 gets points for a better pace, some of the original novel's trappings when it came to what Q branch really does and a great sense of humor but the ugly head of the 80s with the soundtrack, arcade video games and general generic-ness kills it. Barbara Carrera is awesome as a femme fatale and I like this more suave and smooth Largo over the brute from Thunderball but nothing else is really better.
See the full review, "If your going to remake a Bond movie, why not a bad one like Moonraker?".
Ken Adams production work and the beautiful Japanese locales single handedly SAVES this movie which was the "jump the shark" moment for as this is where the books didn't seem to matter quite so much anymore. The somber and revenge filled book of Bond travelling to Dr. Shatterhand's Castle of Death at the behest of a Japanese agent is instead turned into a stupid space adventure. For more stupid space adventures, see Moonraker towards the bottom of this list. Connery was clearly fed up at this point, so thats another minus.
See the full review, "You Only need to watch this once to know something has gone south.".
I didn't grow up on Bond and thus missed Goldeneye when it was new and had been essentially a facelift or rather a reboot of sorts in 1995. Pierce Brosnan to many was the best Bond but he was working into the role here and between this film and Licesne to Kill coming out the Cold War ended and Bond finally made a mission to moscow. I think this is a movie that resonates better with people who saw it new who were already fans and thats why it gets the love. It's not BAD but it's not one I hold dear. Famke Jansen is the best female villian since From Russia With Love's Rosa Klebb and I liked seeing Joe Don Baker and Robbie Coltrane. The plot involves a stolen satelite pulse weapon and it's actually one of the Brosnan movies that makes some sense.
See the full review, "Fond memories are golden.".
Shares the problems of The Living Daylights with a mind spinning plot but once it gets to the goods after a good 40 minutes are over the movie gets set into motion with a mad Russian General's attempt to invade Western Europe. A little too goofy and then changes tone to too serious. If it stuck to serious and rewrote the story it would have been terrific.
See the full review, "Bond's little airplane could be the cause for the mood whiplash.".
Every cliche in the book is used, the movie is a little TOO polished and there are no surprises at all and making it not fun. Sophie Marceau is sexy/great as an oil heiress but thats it. For what it's worth, I DON'T hate Denise Richards the way everyone else does.
See the full review, "James Bond: "Yes, Yes the world is at stake again, what else is new?"".
What should have been the absolute kick ass follow up to the Epic Win that was Casino Royale with it's equally Epic Win Daniel Craig as James Bond is a jarring, never let up for a minute, 4 cuts a second in editing mess. If it slowed down that would be one thing. If it didn't borrow geopolitics from The Man With The Golden Gun, a weak villain (The Living Daylights), a bad theme song (Die Another Day) and other inconsistancies it COULD have been good since the new Quantum organization could be the new S.P.E.C.T.R.E. and Bond is still great. It DID get better the second time I saw it. Thats something.
See the full review, "I'm pretty shaken, I know that".
A little too light in it's loafers with action and chock full of bad characters sans Christopher Walken as a tetched Technology Tycoon. The story is lame as hell with an attempt to set off a major Earthquake on the San Andreas Fault Line to destroy Silicon Valley and corner the microchip market. So in other words is a bad retread of Goldfinger. Roger Moore also looks like a mummy.
See the full review, "A near 60 year old Moore with Grace Jones isn't a good view".
Christopher Lee and the Southeast Asia locales are the only saving graces. Roger Moore acts like a bully, JW Pepper returns solely for reasons of popularity and to NO effect but annoyance, the finale is dull, Britt Eckland is the worst Bond girl for being the biggest airhead bimbo ever, the action is light, the theme song is bad. Christopher Lee is THAT awesome because he saves this from being at the bottom considering all that is said.
See the full review, "Shine it all you want, fools gold loses it's luster eventually".
Ultra stupid movie that tried to one up my most favorite, The Spy Who Loved Me in almost every way, and failed in every way say for a SLIGHTLY better villain and similarily exotic locales. (Notice a trend with some of these bad Bond movies, the locations are what save them?) Even by bringing back Jaws who is played for laughs like Wile E Coyote. Space Marines, stupid comedy, lasers and more. Rated highly by people who grew up with it at the time of the sci fi boom. Rated low by me for stealing the thunder of my favorite and FAILING. Bond goes into space and saves the world. Then he has sex in zero gravity. The end.
See the full review, ""Now, if you push this button Bond the movie might not suck so badly."".
Born in Wausau Wisconsin. Move at an early age to Ventura California and lived for 8 years. Growing up in a big city landscape didn't prepare me for my next move: Archbold Ohio with a population of … more