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Vampires Suck (2010)

A 2010 movie directed by Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg.

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A little better than most of their work

  • Sep 22, 2010

Let's face it, the creators of Date Movie, Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, and Meet the Spartans are absolutely awful parody writers. The only reason they have spawned any success is that there are people out there, like me, who love parody movies, and they just happen to be the only one's throwing them out right now.

All of their previous work aside, this one was actually a little better than most. I attribute this to two things. First, 95% of their source material comes from only two films. So unlike their other paradies, which were a hodgepodge cut up mess that stumbles drunkenly from one scene to the next, there is actually some since of continuity here. The second reason is that the source material, Twilight, has been so beat on by antitwilight people and let's face it, isn't particularly well written in and of itself, that finding jokes wasn't particularly hard, and they didn't need to depend on constant poor celebrity appearances and fart and spew jokes.

It is still clearly their work. They still think their audience needs to be walked through everything, and since their celebrity appearances are so bad, the audience probably does. I am reminded of a scene when Buffy: the Vampire Slayer pops up. They choose an actor who looks nothing like sarah michelle gellar, then have her wear a shirt that says Buffy, because they apparently couldn't do it any other way. She has no part ingrained in the movie, she just pops up, calls someone a name after getting maced, and then walks away. Not funny and not necessary.

The other scene I am reminded of is the scene with Alice from Wonderland. They don't call her that, depending rather on the iconic dress to tell you it is Alice. If you have seen the trailor, then you know she gets shot. That was it, that was the joke. The joke easily could have been made with anyone else. There was no leading up to it, no showing her chasing a rabbit or something, she just got shot and fell down a hole. It would have been more amusing to have used the asian character who is the iconic whipping boy of this film and had him get shot. Or if they actually wanted to make a joke, have it be Dick Cheney's friend get shot, and Dick Cheney saying "Aw man, they are never going to believe it wasn't me this time" or just running off. Instead, they tried to ad culture references that didn't fit and were not necessary like they always do.

Anyway, the film was alright, and certainly made me laugh more than any previous work. It had linearity and actually kind of made sense, which can be said to be an improvement over anything else they have done. So I guess they are moving in the right direction, although you could also say it was simply an accident given the richness of the source material, which in the right hands, could have become a classic.

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September 24, 2010
The one I hated the most was MEET THE SPARTANS I think. Nice review! We have featured it in the community
More Vampires Suck reviews
review by . August 18, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
It's commonplace these days to hate Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer on general principles. One of the reasons I hate them is that their parodies have virtually no angle of approach. This makes it next to impossible for me to find something about their films worth reviewing. There's nothing there - no themes, no visual techniques, no symbolism, no clever dialogue, no nuanced performances, no item of discussion. There's just unadulterated goofiness, a series of comedic vignettes that don't really …
review by . August 18, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
Albert Einstein once famously observed that time was relative and that its passage changed depending upon circumstances. One well-known consequence of this is that the faster you travel, the slower time goes. If someone is on a spacecraft traveling at near light-speed for a few months and then returns to Earth, she will find that several years have passed. You can see this in action in Planet of the Apes. Time also passes differently depending on your relationship to a large gravitational source, …
Quick Tip by . September 12, 2011
I have to say, I had second thoughts in seeing this film. I mean, “Vampires Suck” does suck, but how do you knock it for spoofing one of the overrated, below average movies of the last few years such as the “Twilight” franchise. I would have made a movie that made fun of that saga, so I guess in a way you may say that I am a supporter of the motivations behind such a film.      It takes certain elements from the first two “Twilight” …
Quick Tip by . December 29, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
This movie wasnt as bad as id expected it to be. Some of parts where outright funny because the acting in the spoof was better than the actual twilight movies! The part where edward breaks up with becca and she has her little flip out in the woods was way more realistic than the onscreen version presented in New Moon! I love the twilight books and like the movies but that didnt stop me from laughing at this one.
About the reviewer
Brian Stogsdill ()
I like writing reviews and hearing people's opinions. I am a biologist at a local college in Milwaukee. I have a wife. I have 1 son who is currently two and another son who recently passed away from … more
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If any pop-culture phenomenon ever deserved a send-up, surely it's theTwilightworld, with its overheated vampire love and shirtless teenage werewolves. The moment is seized byVampires Suck, yet another movie parody from the team of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the boys behindDisaster MovieandMeet the Spartans. As in their previous spoofs, Friedberg and Seltzer string together some jokes around the plot, a few topical references, and a barrage of irrelevant pop-culture allusions (unless you can figure out how Tiger Woods, the Kardashians, and Lady Gaga are relevant to the proceedings). The first couple ofTwilightpictures are rapidly condensed, with heroine Becca (Jenn Proske) moving to a rainy town in Washington and meeting the unnaturally pale Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter), whose vampire clan can hardly keep from draining Becca's blood on the spot. Of course there's also wolf-boy Jacob (Chris Riggi), who reminds Becca that he is contractually obligated to take his shirt off and expose his bare chest (his torso here is more elaborate than in the realTwilightmovies) every 10 minutes. That joke is an example of how farVampires Suckis behind its own audience; the movie hits the obvious points, with plenty of dead air in between. A few gags pay off, including Jacob's werewolf clan (shirtless, natch) breaking out into a dance routine to "It's Raining Men." And Jenn Proske, in her film debut, does a lights-out impersonation of Kristen Stewart's ...
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Genre: Comedy
Release Date: August 18, 2010
Screen Writer: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer
Studio: Twentieth Century Fox
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