There are certain memberships that I'm embarrassed to admit owning but at least Blockbuster Video doesn't have a shot at running the country. Who would have thought that "It's hard out here for a pimp" would directly translate to moderate conservatives in 2011?
I'm pretty sure that as a nation of 300 million people there must be some Republican candidates out there who could trump, well, Trump. But unfortunately the entire party has given up on the idea of finding someone smart and inspiring and instead focused on working towards the middle of the Venn diagram of "Evil", "Rich" and "Crazy".
Check out my cut-out-and-keep guide the the Republican candidates most likely to run in 2012:
*I'd like to offer Michael Bloomberg since I think he's a closet Republican.
If you think about it, Dr Evil would be an ideal candidate. While the nation struggles with unemployment, debt and multiple wars, it would be easy to campaign on a platform of shutting down NPR, banning Planned Parenthood and extending gun rights to children. There could be some spectacular side debates on gays owning guns, too.
Please wake me up when the Republican Party starts representing conservatives again rather than batshit crazy fringes stirred up by Glenn Beck. Otherwise I'll see you in 2016.