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To Quote Roger Ebert, "Your Movie Sucks!"

  • Nov 18, 2009
  • by
This is a list of films everyone seems to like (or most everyone) but me. I can feel the heat coming my way already but that much is to be expected. My tastes are unpredictable & I think it's safe to say that everyone knows that already.
1
The Ring
I HATED this one from the very first time I ever watched it. Another PG-13 horror flick which is a remake of a far superior (if you can imagine that) Asian horror film. Everyone loves it & nothing I will have to say can change that but I will NEVER like it.
2
Fast and the Furious
A friend of mine took me to see this at the local multiplex. Trust me when I say that sharing is not necessarily caring. He described the film as being somewhat like a Shakespeare play. I wanted to ask him what drugs he was on & why he wasn't offering to share those as well. This movie sucked big time!
3
The Matrix Revolutions (2-Disc Widescreen Edition)
I actually liked the first two entires of The Matrix even though I'm not the hardcore fan that most are & probably would never be. The third entry seems nothing more than a rehash of the first two & I could best describe it as warmed-up leftovers which is not necessarily complimentary.
4
The Sixth Sense
Even his best works put me to sleep. M. Night does absolutely nothing for me. I don't find his particularly frightening, original, or touching at all. This one seems to be an all-time favorite simply because people didn't see the ending before it arrived with a big red bow. No cigar here either.
5
Near Dark (1987)
I dunno. I've tried to watch this several times through the years but I don't understand the cult appeal honestly. Sure, there is a great cast here including Paxton & Henriksen but that doesn't save the film in my book. The bar scene is highly overrated & the blood transfusion montage is one the biggest cop-outs I've come across in cinema. Probability suggests this one will keep it's cult following even though much better films will continue to go unnoticed through the years.
6
Night of the Creeps
This one has somewhat of a cult following & people have literally been dying to get their hands on a legitimate DVD release for years now. Not feeling this one either. I LOVE zombies but I hated this flick! I've tried watching it on videotape, HBO, & even a bootleg that my best buddy had but it never does anything for me. Probably never will.
7
Wayne's World
I didn't think the Wayne's World phase would ever pass. Kind of like Bill & Ted or Beavis & Butthead, this was a cornball example of how to NOT make a good film. Should I praise the film for giving new life to Queen's great song? I think not. Queen was around long before this piece of crap & will exists in the hearts of great music fans whereas WW hopefully will one day just completely fade into oblivion.
8
No Country for Old Men
Snoozefest from the Coen brothers. Trust me when I say I like The Cohen brothers but it shocks the hell outta me why this was touted as Best Picture. I bought a used DVD copy of this & immediately sold it after trying several times to see what everyone saw in it (albeit unsuccessfully) & still don't understand what the hype was all about.
9
Iron Man
Another overrated, formulaic film which caters to the multiplex that I couldn't stand. Watched it once in theatres & was literally appalled by all the great feedback it was getting. Tried watching it again not too long ago but nothing has changed. Downey has done much better work & this film still sucks in my book. Nope, sorry. Can't get with this one either.
See the full review, "I Can Do Without".
10
WALL-E
I don't have anything against Disney per se nor the "too cool for school" Pixar but I'm missing something here. I bought a copy of this for my best friend's daughter & she asked me to stay so I could watch it with her. I'm by no means an idiot but I'm totally lost here. This is not a kid's movie by any stretch of the imagination & I seriously doubt many adults are gonna get this either. And where did they get the idea for Wall-E. Did one of the writers watch Short Circuit too many times when they were kids? Johnny Five is still alive?
11
Cloverfield
I've already wrote a pretty scathing review for this. The handheld camera films never do much for me but this one was one of the absolute worst ever made in my book. I hope to God I never have to sit through anything so dumb in my life again as this. Cloverfield is living proof that that manistream moviegoers are apt to watch just about anything really.
See the full review, "WTF???".
12
Brokeback Mountain
Actually, I find this film somewhat offensive. Not only is it incredibly slow moving but it's also is full of stereotypes which should instigate wrath from the gay community. Other than a few touching moments, this one was nothing to write home about. For a better film about the gay lifestyle, I recommend Otto; Or Up With Dead People.
13
The Grudge
Another boring remake of an Asian horror flick. You could fall asleep for thirty minutes & not miss a single thing. This series is extremely popular for some unknown reason but I still can't sit through this film without heavy eyelids. Asian Horror films can be some of the greatest horror films in the world but you wouldn't know it by seeing their remakes.
14
Hostel
Overrated, over-hyped piece of junk. I didn't much care for Eli Roth after seeing Cabin Fever or this. Although this was a vast improvement over CF, Roth shows that he still has a long way to go with this one even as people were eating this one up like candy. It reminds me of Porky's meets a really bad torture porn film. One of the few instances where I actually liked the sequel much, much more.
15
Dreamcatcher (Widescreen Edition) (2003)
Don't ask. Just don't see it. What a travesty! I once had a little respect for Stephen king but this was a piece of garbage. The film started off great but turned into a really crappy B-flick with sickening pink dots. Ewwww. The jerks who made this drivel should be ashamed of theirselves.

What did you think of this list?

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December 05, 2009
Amelie. Watch Amelie. Then hate Amelie.
December 05, 2009
I liked Amelie actually. Moreso on the repeated viewing but the initial kinda bored me. It grows on you believe it or not. Thnks for stopping by!
 
November 23, 2009
Interesting list, although you're dead wrong on NEAR DARK, NIGHT OF THE CREEPS, and IRON MAN. I have another list called somthing like Movies I Hope I Never Have To See Again which deals with popular movies that I just don't care for like THE SHINING, 2001, THE GODFATHER, THE EXORCIST, GONE WITH THE WIND, and SCARFACE. So I totally get where you're coming from. You're wrong though. =)
November 23, 2009
I knew those three would touch a soft spot with people. Perhaps one day I might like them although I just didn't care for them on the repeated attempts. I like The Shining & The Exorcist but not much on the gangster or mob flix like Godfather & Scarface. I actually like these lists of disliked films, popular but over-rated flix, & films we just didn't give a damn for. Great job Queen!!! It's ok to be wrong every once in awhile, right? It builds character.
November 23, 2009
I don't know about being wrong building character. I'll have to try it some time and see. =)
 
November 18, 2009
I haven't seen most of the movies on this list, but of the ones that I've seen... I love! I gasped when I saw Wayne's World and Wall-Eeeee listed though! And I never thought about it, but I guess Johnny Five is still alive and kickin' it in the year....whatever. Loved reading this list anyhow! :)
November 18, 2009
Thnks Deb! I was sorta wondering who would've liked movies on this or what hateful feedback I may have received but I'm amazed at how people are responding to this list. Thnks again! Just out of curiousity, which ones did you love?
November 19, 2009
I dug Wayne's World, Wall-E, Cloverfield and Brokeback Mountain!
 
November 18, 2009
Thanks for sharing this list, even though I hate to say that I love about six of the films you listed. This was a great spin that you took and I am thinking of creating my own version. I love the takeoff of The Ring which was done in Scarry Movie (perhaps the only real good scene in that bomb of a movie).
November 18, 2009
I'll will admit that my tastes are usually rather extreme or obscure. Then again, I'm quite unpredictable as one reviewer here once stated aso I'm almost sure that I've listed all kinds of films that people loved. I remember seeing the clip you mentioned from Scary Movie which was pretty clever. I don't recall watching the rest of it but that was certainly memorable. I will have to check out your list sometime as well. Thnks for stopping by & leaving feedback.
November 18, 2009
Thanks for your list for it inspired my own. I picked , movies on my list that were not necessarily bad, but movies that failed to live up to all the hype I heard before I saw them. If I have some time and I can remember some, I may try to create a list exactly like yours. Thanks again.
November 19, 2009
Oh, you're more than welcome. I'm really glad my list could inspire you. There are a lot of movies out there that are pretty hyped up & I usually tend to avoid them at all costs. Well, sometimes. ;-)
 
November 18, 2009
#'s 2, 7, 10, 12, 11, 13 and 15 are actually movies that didn't impress me at all. Matrix Revolutions is one movie I like, but I do see why some people didn't care for the two sequels; they channelled J-anime too much and it was too cryptic that it became a little annoying. I thought the RING was a decent remake but the original was way better. Nice list, buddy! I think I'm about to make one too.
November 18, 2009
I'm totally with you on the ones you've mentioned. I liked the first Matrix films but was rather bored or even annoyed by the time Revolutions hit the theatres. I like Asian horror films but I've yet to see one which really channels the energy of an original work. In fact, I don't even bother with the remakes anymore. Thnks again Woo! Now I'll just sit back & wait for your list. ;-)
 
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Lists Inspired by This List
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created a list. November 18, 2009
posted in Movie Hype
These are movies that everybody raves about constantly so when I saw them my expectations were that I would be floored.   But I was far from it.
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon The Godfather: Part II Citizen Kane X-Men (2000 film) Network (1976 movie)
1
About the list creator
Brian ()
Ranked #29
I've spent years trying to make others happy & not really focusing on what's most important in my own life. Having said that, my own health & security are paramount so now I'm more … more
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