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The Japanese Grindhouse Video Game

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A Quick Tip by GargantuasGames

  • Feb 26, 2014
Grindhouse Game #3.

I...I...I really don't know what to say about this title.

In video game terms, it felt like DEVIL MAY CRY meets DEAD OR ALIVE meets DYNASTY WARRIORS meets DEAD RISING. The first few levels are extremely boring due to lethargic enemies who absolutely refuse to fight back (hey, they're zombies! What did you expect?). But things do get some ways. Eventually you have zombie commandos with chainguns, grenades, etc. who can blow you away in one or two hits if you're not careful. So the challenge is there. Unfortunately it's also kind of a cheap challenge because there's so much chaos onscreen, it's tough to tell who's throwing a grenade and who's just lurching around. But that's pretty much all you're doing throughout the game: slashing and shooting up endless waves of increasingly tough zombies and the occasional boss monster. The zombies fall apart pretty nicely, I can say that. Blood doesn't flow like wine in this game; it sprays like a broken faucet. This is a budget game though, so keep your expectations low. Graphics, with a couple exceptions, are almost Xbox-1 quality and there's an annoying filter which keeps everything out of focus. Also the environments are horribly stale and repetitive. Controls feel kind of awkward and floaty too; the dodge function feels especially stiff.

Will you like this game? I don't you have a fetish for cartoonish depictions of the female figure? Do you have a craving for endless ultra bloody zombie decapitations and dismemberment? Do you like bosses which demand you learn only very simple patterns to defeat them? Do you like straightforward action games which mainly demand you hammer on only one or two buttons to win? Do you not mind stale graphics, repetitive enemies (and bosses)? If you don't mind the aforementioned problems, then you will probably like ONECHANBARA. It's about as simple and sensational as you can possibly get with an action game.

*I gave it a +1 because a rating is necessary and I was having some fun near the end, but in reality my sentiments are really more like +0. This is one of those kind of titles that's hard to rate because it's so shameless about its intent. Is it enjoyable? How could it not be? Is it good? No...but maybe that's the whole point. To quote Roger Ebert from his review of the bizarre horror film THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE:

"The star rating system is unsuited to this film. Is the movie good? Is it bad? Does it matter? It is what it is and occupies a world where the stars don't shine."
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Ranked #15
"Then blockishly mumbling with a set on countenance a piece of scurvy grace, he washed his hands in fresh wine, picked his teeth with the foot of a hog, and talked jovially with his attendants. … more
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