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How To Look Like a Guidette

  • Oct 27, 2010
With Halloween right around the corner, and having Jersey Shore been so many people's (sometimes not-so) guilty pleasure this year, it's safe to assume that they will inspire many costumes this weekend.  If you're a lady (or perhaps a gent) who's looking to Jersey Shore it up, be sure to keep these tips in mind to look more like a Guidette and less like a Grenade or a Grenade Launcher.  These suggestions will definitely have the Gorillas and Juiceheads lining up to get your number!
This is the core foundation to looking like a Guidette: you have to start with a great tan.  You can safely achieve the look of a beach bum by doing sunless tanning through spray tans and tanning lotions like Jergen's.  When deciding on how dark to go, remember that you're not aiming for "healthy glow"; you should actually vie for "radioactive".

Artificial Nails
Every Guidette needs to have her claws ready for cat fights, and if you're going to have claws, you may as well make them look fabulous.  Definitely go for artificial and make sure you get the square tips.  Acrylics are perfect and you can't go wrong with a french manicure.  Feel free to use wild and crazy colors and patterns, and even bling them out for added fierceness.

Hair Straightening
Make sure that your hair is as straight as possible.  Straightening iron, thermal straightening treatment, Brazilian blowouts -- do what ya gotta do.  Roots, highlights, and hair extension clips are perfectly acceptable in achieving Guidette hair.  Take some pins and even make a Snooki poof if you'd like.  The size of your poof can vary.

When it comes to painting your face, make the eyes smoky and dramatic by heavily lining your eyes with black eyeliner and dark shades of eyeshadow.  Wear fake lashes and finish your eyes off with layers of mascara.  When it comes to your lips, just leave them au naturel.  Some lip gloss will suffice or maybe even a nude lipstick.  In terms of eyebrows, make sure that they're razor thin.  Heck, pencil them in if you have to.

Push-Up Bra
If you're not fortunate enough to have a painful looking boob job like JWOWW does, there are other ways that you can look extra busty without going under the knife, like by wearing a push-up bra.  Make sure to push those girls together and lift them up!  Wearing a bra that's several sizes too small is perfectly acceptable.  Stuffing your bra is, too.  For an enhanced illusion of cleavage, apply bronzer, or apply extra spray-on tan or tanning lotion to your cleavage.  Take care when doing this, though, because looking like you got punched you in the cleavage is not a good look.

Club Wear
Sure, you could go out in skin tight, torn jeans and a midriff-baring, or Ed Hardy shirt, but why do that when you can show off your cleavage and your gams in a hot little mini dress?  Be sure to wear panties to avoid flashing because these dresses and skirts are, after all, only pubic-bone-level high and it would be unclassy to flash, even unintentionally.  On a related note,  you may want to carry around double-sided tape depending on what the top portion of your outfit looks like.  If you need some tips on what to wear, you can take some suggestions from Jersey Shore's very own JWOWW's classily named clothing line Filthy Couture.

High Heels
High heels are an absolute necessity for every Guidette.  What's a Guidette out for a night on the town without them?  Strappy heels, pumps, platforms -- they all work.

All the ladies of Jersey Shore are spotted with hoop earrings on a regular basis.  They range from metals to even acrylic, as well as various sizes and patterns.  Just make sure that they're LARGE.  Dangling earrings in general work.  Feel free to bling it up in any other way that you'd like, too.  Rings, bracelets, necklaces.  Bonus points for dangly navel jewelry.  Aside from jewelry, other nice things to have around are designer handbags and shades, and luxury vehicles if possible and necessary.  Though if you drive, it's highly suggested that you take it easy on the Ron-Ron Juice.

What did you think of this list?

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January 04, 2011
Oh, WOW!!!
January 04, 2011
Haha, yeah, have you ever watched a Jersey Shore episode?
November 23, 2010
Hmmm....I came here to check out the photos. Nice work, Lady D! Hey, I told you the only way anyone will get me to watch this show is if you're on it, but I'll take a peek LOL!
November 23, 2010
Maybe when I'm all out of, oh... what's that word? Oh, dignity. Then I'll go on a show like this, LOL. Thanks for reading, Woo! :P
November 18, 2010
This is hilarious- great job!
November 19, 2010
Thanks! :)
November 10, 2010
Funny. But you forget animal print dress wear. LOL!
November 10, 2010
Hahaha, that's a given in the clubwear! ;)
October 28, 2010
LOL! Very funny! I heard on the radio that this is a popular costume idea this year including men dressing up as The Situation. It's too hilarious for words!
October 28, 2010
Hahaha, I heard!  There's even a costume modeled after him.  Have you seen? :P
October 28, 2010
LOL!! That is so funny! Nope, I hadn't seen the costume. I just new it existed out there somewhere. :-P
October 28, 2010
Definitely not my idea of how to attract attention, but the list is superb I'll have to say! I think this would get all the wrong kind of attention and this is exactly why I want to keep my kids away from mainstream media, public schools, and pop culture. There is one word that comes to mind looking at these photos, it starts with an 's' and has four letters. 

No offense Debbie! ;)
October 28, 2010
None taken! Thanks for sharing your thoughts in a constructive manner. I'm sure there are lots of people out there who feel the same way that you do!
October 27, 2010
So this is why the rest of the world views Americans as some of the dumbest people on earth....
October 27, 2010
Not all Americans. Only some ;P
October 27, 2010
Great check-list!
October 27, 2010
Thanks, Aria!
October 27, 2010
Is it legal to use "Bumpits" when making "the poof" or is that against the Guidette code? Either way, awesome list =)
October 27, 2010
Snooki does not approve.  Cue to 1:30

Thanks for reading! ;)
October 27, 2010
speechless ; ) these people just leave me without words... but the list rocks!! quite thorough = )
October 27, 2010
Thanks for reading! I think part of the reason why so many people watched this show is because of just that -- it'll leave you without words because it's hard to believe that this subculture exists :P
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devora ()
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When I'm not Lunching, I'm a jeweler, and an all around, self-proclaimed web geek. My passions include social media, the interweb, technology, writing, yoga, fitness, photography, jewelry, fashion, … more
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