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What Not To Hand Out To Trick-Or-Treaters On Halloween

  • Oct 24, 2011
AKA -- how to not end up on the neighborhood kids' sh*t list.

If you want to earn brownie points, hand out the typical fun-sized bars.  For even more brownie points -- upgrade to full sized.

Good luck.
Or any other type of homemade treat, for that matter. Thoughtful, but c'mon, peoples -- no sane parent is going to let their kids consume some homemade concoction from out of their trick or treat bag that came from god knows where. For all they know, it could be laced with arsenic and/or filled with razors and needles.

The only place apples should be allowed during Halloween is during a bobbing for apples contest.  Other than that, they have no business being in a trick-or-treat bag.  Please, no fruit.

Hand out little red boxes of Sunmaid raisins and the neighborhood kids will never ring your doorbell again.  Raisinettes, however, might earn you a brownie point or two; the only acceptable form of raisins during Halloween are the chocolate-drenched variety.

pumpkin seeds
It doesn't matter how gourmet your pumpkin seeds are, or what flavor they are.  Savory foods in a trick-or-treat bag = so not cool. 

Do not hand out anything from the Necco family, be they Mary Jane Peanut Butter Kisses or Squirrel Nut Caramels, and especially not those Necco Wafers.  What is this?  1950?

Generic Candy
Like Necco candies, these nameless candies are never good.  These are like wannabe Lifesavers, Jolly Ranchers and Dum Dums and in terms of Halloween candy, even those candies aren't that good.

Loose Change
Loose change in a trick-or-treat bag is so not cool, even if they're quarters.  Trick-or-treaters have long blocks to walk and the last thing they need are pennies and nickels (which are usually the coins of choice for people who cluelessly pass them out) weighing them down in the quest for stomachache-inducing treats.

Do not under any circumstances commit the cardinal sin of Halloween by handing out anything to do with oral hygiene.  Even if you are a dentist and feel tempted to.  It would be a really cruel trick.

It's like, ha,  I see what you did there.  ...Now seriously, where's my candy?

What did you think of this list?

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November 02, 2011
I was 6 once when some old fart gave me pennies and it was at least the 5th person to do it. I exclaimed my dissapointment and he told me he'd give me a rotten egg next time. I am so glad that everyone sees pennys as being a lame Trick or Treat present.
November 03, 2011
A penny is almost as bad as a rotten egg :P
October 31, 2011
The generic stuff drives me up the wall. One year though, I did unwrap one of 'em, removed the generic candy and added a rock to give to a specific kid who deserved it! When it plunked into the bottom of his bag, I could see the wheels in his evil little mind cranking out the words, "Gold Mine!" Little did he know that I dropped a rock into his bag and, thanks to the generic Halloween candy gods, he'll never know it came from me!
October 31, 2011
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, sneakiest trick evar! :P
October 29, 2011
I actually don't mind the Necco wafers so much. It's always the generic hard candy that drives me nuts. I was never a big fan of Tootsie Rolls either. Raisinettes always score big points with me, though. You're right - the only acceptable fruit on Halloween is chocolate covered. I don't mean yogurt-covered; I mean CHOCOLATE covered!
October 29, 2011
I wouldn't mind yogurt covered, but I always prefer chocolate over it! I guess Necco wafers would be alright if they were chocolate-coated :P
October 27, 2011
Great list - you've thought of everything. I always hated getting gum and those wafers were awful too. Hey, The Count and I are trying to think of the name of that awful gum we used to get that is round-like, wrapped in paper, and it was pink with little white powdery stuff on it and it was real hard and un-chewable. They still have it around but we can't remember the name of it - would you happen to know - it's driving me crazy!? Someone thought it was Bazooka, but I'm sure that's not the one...help!!
October 27, 2011
Haha, thanks, Brenda! And Bazooka was actually the first thing that popped into my head when you described the gum. ...Until you said it wasn't Bazooka.  Maybe you should post a question about it and see if someone knows ;)
October 27, 2011
Thanks sweetie -- we'll figure it out sometime LOL
October 28, 2011
I'm thinking it was Dubble Bubble - I looked on the net to find it!!
October 28, 2011
Oh yes -- Dubble Bubble! ....Ugh :P
October 28, 2011
October 25, 2011
Small wrapped candy bars are the best in my experience. The kids and parents like them.
October 25, 2011
Depends on what kind of small wrapped candy bar it is! ;)
October 25, 2011
LOL...great list! I've gotten everything on this list except pumpkin seeds and yep, they weren't my favorite.
October 25, 2011
Thanks! I've, unfortunately, have gotten everything on this list. Without those experiences though, I wouldn't have had the wisdom to create this list :P
October 25, 2011
True, true, true!
October 24, 2011
I'm glad fried tofu and rice weren't mentioned here because I think tofu and rice are the perfect Halloween treats!
October 24, 2011
after a night of partying, waffles make awesome post-Halloween treats LOL! But just take one:

October 25, 2011
His costume sucks. LOL!
October 25, 2011
It's only okay if the tofu and rice are covered in chocolate :P And dang at that video!
October 25, 2011
Never had chocolate covered fried tofu and rice. Any good? LOL!
October 25, 2011
I honestly think it could be! I'm Asian -- we have chocolate tofu desserts, as well as rice-based desserts. Don't see why we can't put the two together :P
October 25, 2011
I've had both chocolate tofu and chocolate rice desserts, but never anything fried. I suppose if coconut oil was used instead of sesame seed oil it might turn out alright.
October 25, 2011
Oh, I missed the fried part earlier! Whatever oil is used, I'm sure it would be tasty!
October 25, 2011
Have you ever had a banana fried in coconut oil and covered with chocolate? Those are delish!
October 24, 2011
Some of these are really funny. Yeah some people still give out Necco (they are like Tums). People actually give toothbrushes? I like raisins and other than worrying if they didn't come in sealed packages, why wouldn't kids want them? What about Candy Corn? Lewis Black says that all Candy Corn in existance was made in 1911 as you see no advertising for it.
October 25, 2011
Personally, if I'm trick-or-treating, I want tasty, tasty candy! I'm not a fan of Candy Corn, but I'd let that slide since it's a Halloween tradition. Fortunately, my receiving of Candy Corn to receiving of awesome candy ratio is good. And that Lewis Black comment is hilarious!
October 24, 2011
LOL! Nice idea for a list. I actually do tricks more than I give treats....
October 25, 2011
I'm afraid to stop by your house now! :P
October 25, 2011
You should make a 10 Tricks to Play on Trick or Treaters list! That would be awesome!
October 27, 2011
um....considering my train of thought (whatever brain I have) are you sure you want me to? LOL! ;)
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devora ()
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When I'm not Lunching, I'm a jeweler, and an all around, self-proclaimed web geek. My passions include social media, the interweb, technology, writing, yoga, fitness, photography, jewelry, fashion, … more
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