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Life Lessons Learned in 2011

Dec 2, 2011

by djevoke
posted in Do It Yourself!

Remember that 2011 Resolutions list that I did back in January? As the year ends, I'd like to take a look back to see what lessons I've learned this year. I think it's important to look back to see what you've been through, what made you stronger, what you learned and use it to go forward in life. Here is what I learned this year, hopefully it'll help you in some way. What did you learn?

Marriage

Getting married in May, so a newlywed of 6 months, it's amazing how much I've already learned about marriage. My husband and I had been together for 4 years before we were married and I thought I knew it all- his faults, my frustrations, what I was getting into, etc. And I do. However, the difference is that before we were married there would be these ridiculous arguments and wasted energy. Now, I know to pick my battles, make sure it's worth the energy and have a set solution in mind. Marriage is work, we've all heard that but, it's also the best reward to know that you have someone there for you no matter what.

Friendship

I've had a rough year for friends- two of my good friends I lost due to stupidity, selfishness and misunderstanding. They got into a fight at my bachelorette party and that was that. Three weeks before my wedding, "my best friend" told me she was taking herself out of the wedding, after she made me end my other friendship. I've also made some great friends that I probably wouldn't have made if I was still wasting energy on someone that was a taker (never gave back). With these new friends, I can see how I impact people and how my actions speak much louder than words ever could. I've learned to honor what I want in a relationship and to give as much as I get. I'm more honest with these new friends than I was with the friend of 18 years and it's amazing what that'll do for you.

Family

Family, what can you say about it? This year I gained a whole other family and I'm lucky enough to have the most amazing in-laws. No, that's not the newlywed high speaking, it's the truth. With two weddings this year (mine and my little brother's), I learned that people that love you will want to be there for you for all the big stuff in life. Sometimes, though you expect people to obey the golden rule, they won't always do so. It's hard but, you have to just rise above it and accept that there's always two sides to a story, just because you don't understand it, doesn't mean it's wrong. In the end, they're your family and, unlike friends, you're stuck with them for the rest of your life.

Money

Midway through the year, I committed the cardinal sin and lent who I thought was a good friend $500. At the time, I had the money and she was in tears, her grandfather was dying and he was in San Diego, we're in the Bay. I lent it to her with the understanding that I'd get it back, at a measly $50/month. She hasn't paid me one red cent and she recently posted in Facebook that she went to San Diego. Suffice to say, I should've known better. Suffice to say, I'll NEVER do it again. Take this example and NEVER lend a friend money. Not only has she not paid me back but, she's disappeared out of my life even though I've invited her to events, birthday parties, etc.

I also learned that I need to really make a habit of managing my money. It's not good enough to enroll and use Mint.com, which is an ingenious invention by the way, and set up alerts with your bank. You need to be on top and stay on top of what you spend, where you spend it and if you need to spend as much.

Motivation

This needs to be put at the top of my 2012 resolutions list because I need help finding my motivation- somewhere after all the weddings, travel, fighting, money lending, stress, I lost it. Each new day is a chance to make things right in your life but, that doesn't mean you're guaranteed a brand new day for the rest of your life. The lesson I learned is that you can't lose your motivation because it's REALLY hard to get it back! What motivates you?

Goals

You can do/be whatever/whoever you want to be. You should never let the what if's or lack of motivation or anything else get in your way. Many times throughout my life, I have realized this. I could've been that woman that I admire, I could've been what I had dreamed my entire life...if only...If only, I was motivated and never let anything take my eye off the prize. So, #6 goes with #5- without motivation and with a load of self-doubt, you're not going to go anywhere and you'll end up wasting your life. Set goals in life, whatever you dream of being/doing, and go for it with all you have.

Exercise

The one resolution that I didn't complete on my list and really need to start engaging in is exercise. Your health is so, so important and you're never really aware of how much until you're faced with friends or family that are robbed of it. Why wait until you have no choice to start? On the occasions where I have exercised (yes, I haven't been a couch bum ALL year long), it has been instant gratification but, the problem with me is that I'm thin naturally and I need to make sure that I eat 3000 calories in order to have fuel to burn.

Healthy Diet

What I mean by diet, is not starving yourself. Like I said in #7, I was told that if I was going to exercise I would have to eat 2500-3000 calories in order to have fuel to burn. I have the worst eating habits of anyone I know and often I don't eat until I'm hungry. The problem? I don't tend to eat the daily nutritional caloric intake of 2000 that's necessary to live, according to most nutritionists. I'm usually around 1000-1500. This has really zapped my motivation, energy, will to do anything, and has at times affected me physically, making me feel light headed, dizzy, etc. Often I eat a lot of pasta, red meats, sushi, sugar...which aren't always the best dietary choices when they're the only things your eating. Your body needs variety.

I've learned that it's much better to set a healthy diet for you. Planning meals for the week and shopping on Sundays, help. Getting your food from local farms, whenever possible or at least, getting your meat from Whole Foods- helps make a huge difference in your contribution to the world and your health. Keeping a journal is a good idea- not only to cut out what is extra (if that's your problem) but, to keep track that you're eating enough is helpful. They have an app for that ;p Or at least being mindful of what you put into your mouth is of huge importance.

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jbeswick December 06, 2011

Great list! I started the vegan thing about 3 months ago and joined the local Planet Fitness. So far, so good though I occasionally fall off the Vegan wagon. I call myself Chegan (cheating vegan). As for lending money, never do it - lend time and help but never the raw greenbacks (I learned the hard way too). Yay, 2012!

djevoke December 07, 2011

Nice J! You should ask @Count_Orlok_22 for some tips on staying vegan, he can probably help out, for as long as I've known, he's been one. Definitely no more lending money- now I'll probably have to take her to small claims court and it's just exhausting to think about. Yay 2012, indeed!

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jbeswick December 07, 2011

The only problem with the small claims court is that it's like the DMV of justice.... it might be easier just to write off the loss (on your taxes, hurrah) than face decades of small claims Kafka-esque lunacy.

djevoke December 07, 2011

Yeah, I figured as much. You can write it off on your taxes? I didn't know that, though. Well, if I can do that, I may just do it. I'd love of course to get some justice but, I guess I can just call up my old friend Karma lol

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Butterfly1961 December 06, 2011

Fantastic list - as far as your in-laws go, be forever grateful for that: there was an old saying that you marry the man, not his family, but it's not true. A good relationship with nice in-laws makes a HUGE difference in your own relationship with the hubby; I know cuz I've been there and done that with awful in-laws - darned near ruined my marriage to my current hubby. Lending money to a friend? I certainly understand you'll never do that again and it's unfortunate she never bothered paying you back and has avoided you; a user through and through. I am happy to report that a friend lent me money one time to pay my electric bill and I paid her back immediately when I got paid; I could never betray a friend in the way she did you. I still however, have not learned the right way to manage money LOL - I'm better at it than I used to be, but that is number 1 on my list to improve on!! Numbers 5 and 6 are ones I could work on too. Your list has made me think of things I should improve on and thanks for sharing!!

djevoke December 07, 2011

Glad I can help, Brenda! I am continually grateful for my in-laws and will meet the rest of the family in Puerto Rico in a few weeks- WOOHOO! Of course, you paid her back- you're a really good person and I bet you're an amazing friend. You and me both on the money management ;p Better than I used to be, but, yes I def need to continue growing.

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devora December 06, 2011

All great lessons to learn. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us!

djevoke December 07, 2011

Thanks Debbie! You are most welcome :)

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Scotman December 05, 2011

Ditto on number 6. Fall off a horse, get back on it. Don't regret the past since the future is brand-new and waiting to be made. :) I'm part Greek, you have to excuse the philosophizing.

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Scotman December 05, 2011

Great list, and yeah, I remember your messages about the friends. For me, sometimes what attracted me to that friend changes and morphs and soon they change and I wonder what happened. :)

As for motivation, I have found that all you have to do is rekindle that failed purpose in whatever activity you're talking about. You do that by discovering what your purpose or goal were for that activity in the first place. Works for me.

Diet: I have found this word the most misunderstood of all. It doesn't mean a low calorie hell. It means a change of food intake. In my art class (of all places) we were working on expressing food sustainability in the USA. I found that there is a difference between produce eaten from supermarkets and that eaten from a farmers' market due to chemical fertilizers and such. Quite a fascinating concept I never knew before.

I'm creating a Tarot deck that predicts your nutritional future, LOL.

djevoke December 07, 2011

Have you ever seen Food Inc? It's a great movie on what actually gets sold to us in supermarkets- completely changed my habit on food buying. Now, whenever possible, I buy from farmer's markets and if not that, then Whole Foods. It's more expensive but, worth it! As for motivation- I tend to want to do too many things at once, so I overwhelm myself into a sort of limbo. Need to work on that one! People change, that's about all I can say on that- sometimes, it's for the better, sometimes, it's shocking and for the worse. You can't control other people, only your reaction to their actions. Thanks for the comment!

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Scotman December 07, 2011

I have not seen that film yet but have been reading up. "In Defense of Food" by Michael Pollan is pretty good in clarifying native diets versus Western diets. Time: I try to just do one or two things well rather than fifty things sorta-kinda OK, LOL. I need to work on that too. As far as Lunch is concerned, I will continue writing reviews for it next year -- going for Review No. 1000! I would like to see more changes to the website (outlined elsewhere at Founders Community). You're welcome!

djevoke December 07, 2011

You can always write me what changes/feedback you have for Lunch and I'll see what I can do! I'll also look at the Founders Community, thanks for the heads up! And definitely, check out that film.

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JSMaresca December 05, 2011

Eat smaller meals . Consume food more frequently. i.e. 4-6 small meals daily

djevoke December 05, 2011

Thanks for the tip- that's a good one. My problem is that I barely remember to eat 3 and often have 2. That is probably the whole problem right there!

JSMaresca December 06, 2011

Yes, that is part of the problem. Eating better food is another dimension. i.e. Fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, water, herbal tea, Omega 3 foods like fish

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woopak_the_thrill December 02, 2011

nice! I need to get back into your 7 and 8...but I have been feeling so tired and so busy...but I guess I cannot make excuses anymore.

djevoke December 02, 2011

Me too, Woo, me too! There's always a way to make it work and that's what I've learned. If you eat the necessary amount in a healthy way then, you'll have the energy to exercise and take care of yourself.

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Samantha (djevoke)
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