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reviewed Another Earth. December 06, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
Another Earth
FADE IN:       Spoiled brat Brit Marling is driving home shitfaced listening to the exposition on the radio when she sees Another Earth in the sky.      CUT …
reviewed Margin Call. November 09, 2011
posted in Movie Hype
Margin Call
I quit watching the latest Pirates movie to watch this. I have no idea what that film was about and why Penelope Cruz still gets acting work. Utter, utter waste of time. Margin Call is tightly written …
reviewed United States Postal Service (USPS). November 09, 2011
USPS
Probably the worst thing for the USPS is that it's controlled by Congress, giving them no power to determine their own fate or profitability. In a classic example of how the Federal Government can …
reviewed Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries Div.... November 09, 2011
Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries Divorce
It's not that I hate Kim Kardashian so much as a toxic media culture that enables these kind of shallow, vapid avatars to thrive. It seems like there's no end of Paris Hiltons and Lindsay Lohans …
reviewed Bridesmaids. October 14, 2011
Bridesmaids
Featuring my  new Express Review Format™      1. The first 45 minutes is slow beyond words. The funniest person in the film - Terry Crews - is only there for about 30 seconds.   …
reviewed Drive. October 11, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
Drive James Sallis
Holy shit! I'm still awake after watching this?! I've tried Valerian root, exercise, visiting testicular cancer support groups, shooting my partner in Alaskan fog and now I've endured …
reviewed Paul (2011 movie). October 11, 2011
posted in MovieSucktastic
Paul
It's the new super-sexy Express Review format that celebrates A.D.D.   Paul is the worst comedy of 2011, if not the worst film, period. I didn't fall for the "two British guys …
reviewed Aladdin (1992 film). August 15, 2011
Aladdin
There's only one major studio in Hollywood today that delves into the complexities of mental disorders and their effects on both patients and their families, and that's Disney. After the heartfelt …
reviewed Hall Pass. July 28, 2011
posted in Movie Hype
Hall Pass
In this new Lunch.com-exclusive review format, I'm focusing only on the things I thought were important without rambling on and filling in every blank. In brief, the winning formula here is important …
reviewed Limitless. July 28, 2011
posted in MovieSucktastic
Limitless
This is my new express review format since there's more to say about TV commercials these days than most films. It's a super-sexy new format that will help you save time, get to the good stuff, …
reviewed Kate Perry E.T.. July 14, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
Kate Perry E.T.
So I've heard this song for about the thousandth time in the gym this week which is amazing considering how little I've been in the gym. If you're one of the 5 people in the country who haven't …
reviewed Unknown (2011 movie). July 14, 2011
posted in MovieSucktastic
Unknown
Unknown might be the most preposterous movie of a year that most films decided to stop suspending disbelief and let it rest on the floor for a while. Common sense is left to drown in a sea of movie …
reviewed Avril Lavigne What The Hell. July 12, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
Avril Lavigne What The Hell
Excellent Canadian Avril Lavigne takes an emo-focused and boyfriend-related spin on the world economic crisis with the instant modern classic, What The Hell:       You say …
reviewed Craigslist. June 07, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
Craigslist Office
Internet phenomenal, scourge to society or mirror to human civilization? Who knows but one thing's for sure - you haven't lived until you've tried to sell a sofa on Craigslist.   …
reviewed The Adjustment Bureau. June 02, 2011
posted in Movie Hype
The Adjustment Bureau
If you go to Fort Morgan Colorado, you will find the grave of master essayist Philip K Dick. If you listen carefully enough beyond the wind blowing through the trees, you'll hear a faint whizzing …
reviewed Google Music (Beta!). June 01, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
Google Music (Beta!)
You know how it is - a quick walk in the park on a sunny day and you realize you've forgotten your Frisbee. It's a common problem and unless you have a 12-pack from the sports section of …
reviewed Microsoft Acquisition of Skype. May 13, 2011
Microsoft Acquisition of Skype
Microsoft's ship is currently being helmed by Captain Jack Sparrow seeking to dump shitloads of moolah into uncharted territories. Avoiding some of the more obvious steps such as:      …
reviewed Republican Party. May 13, 2011
posted in Big Government
Republican Party
There are certain memberships that I'm embarrassed to admit owning but at least Blockbuster Video doesn't have a shot at running the country. Who would have thought that "It's hard out …
reviewed iRobot Roomba 510 Vacuuming Robot. May 13, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
iRobot Roomba 510 Vacuuming Robot
There are certain things I frequently hear that don't surprise me - like "Twitter is down" or "Donald Trump has soiled his reputation again" - while others just demand checking …
reviewed Osama Bin Laden. May 02, 2011
Osama Bin Laden
Thank God for some good news for a change. Interestingly enough, both Hitler and Bin Laden were killed on May 1.    The world is better for his absence. God bless the troop who pulled …
reviewed Google Boost. April 26, 2011
posted in Business Matters
Google Boost
Boost is one of the latest products from Google that makes me think I should start shorting their stock. Designed as a simple way for small businesses to get into Google Maps advertising without understanding …
reviewed Fact or Faked: Season 2. April 21, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
Fact or Faked Season 2
We'll be interspersing this reviews with real comments from YouTube and Forums, so be prepared for some adult language.      Well, we're almost at the end of the second season …
reviewed MC Skat Kat. April 12, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
MC Skat Kat
One of the certainties of 1989 was that every teenager had a crush on Paula Abdul. You can still hear the echoes of the collective groan when Ms Abdul gave us a hint of her fleeting grasp of reality …
reviewed Screenwriting. April 12, 2011
posted in Movie Hype
Screenwriting
Three-act structure? Character arcs? Forget all that Syd Field nonsense and start cranking out scripts using James' 10-step movie making method.      STEP 1: FIGURE OUT YOUR WITTY …
reviewed Tangled. April 12, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
Tangled (2010)
Much like a Disney bluebird, another $10 flutters away from my wallet, serial numbers flapping while Alexander Hilton stares out at me coldly. Tangled is a triple-threat to my attention span, simultaneously …
reviewed Amazon Cloud Player. March 30, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
Amazon Cloud Player
Amazon yesterday released their Cloud Drive and while it's not apparently very different to Microsoft's Skydrive or Google Apps file storage, is nonetheless a major step in the direction …
reviewed Restaurant: Impossible. March 30, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
Restaurant: Impossible
Given the utter state of despair in the movie theaters currently, I've turned to both food and the Food Network to console the disillusionment I feel when I see utter, utter shite like The …
reviewed Reception. March 29, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
Reception
Given Hollywood's penchant for mixing two existing films to make a new one, here's an idea for a sequel to Inception. Think of it as Nightmare on Elm Street meets Inception - kind of bit more …
reviewed Due Date (2010 movie). March 09, 2011
posted in Movie Hype
Due Date
Due Date is possibly the nastiest and most unpleasant film experience of the year, consistently confusing comedy with cruelty, and it may continue to rank as one of the cruelest films of all time (at …
reviewed Unstoppable (2010 movie). March 07, 2011
posted in MovieSucktastic
Unstoppable
Tony Scott has watched too much MTV in his life. There's a massively over-used camera shot which I'm sure he created but you see it everywhere now - the video is sped up, slow-motioned, given …
reviewed Kitchen Nightmares. March 01, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
Kitchen Nightmares
One of the stranger trends in modern TV programming is the requirement to have a British person yell insults at people who think they have talent. American Idol, Restaurant: Impossible and Kitchen Nightmares …
reviewed Face Off. February 18, 2011
Face Off
      Calling all reality TV junkies! Face Off contains everything we've come to expect from trashy TV competitions:   Mean judges Weekly elimination Endless …
reviewed Facebook. January 20, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
Facebook Platform
Global phenomenon? Yes. A scourge of every day life? Absolutely. Here's why you should follow my example and pull the plug on Zuckerberg's narcissistic ego-porn site.      …
reviewed The 2011 Chinese Mother Debate. January 19, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
The 2011 Chinese Mother Debate
If you've been wondering what that recent rumbling has been in newspapers and blogs recently, it's the enormous response to Amy Chua's article "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior" …
reviewed Living Social. January 19, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
Living Social
Yep, it's a Lunch Public Service Announcement: get a $20 Amazon gift card for $10 - but today only. There's no catch - they're just buying customers (naturally there's only one per person …
reviewed Ghost Adventures. January 15, 2011
posted in Paranormal Locations
Ghost Adventures
Ghost reality TV is big business, and the show format has quickly cemented a formula that makes most of these shows hard to tell apart:      1. Find "locals" to provide authentic …
reviewed Sarah Palin. January 13, 2011
posted in Big Government
Sarah Palin Headshot
Calling Sarah Palin "divisive" seems like an abuse of the word, when you almost have to create a new word in the Urban Dictionary to describe her. Maybe to go "Palin" as a verb would …
reviewed Arnold Schwarzenegger. January 13, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
Arnold Schwarzenegger
For any doubters of the active pulse of The American Dream, I give you Ahhhnold. Forget the wooden acting and quite frankly bizarre voice, and you've got someone who's so iconic that we'd …
reviewed Caprica (2009). January 12, 2011
posted in Awesomeness
Caprica (2009)
      Caprica is one of the most intelligently thought-out series that SyFy has ever produced - which isn't saying much these days, since it's fallen into shows like Fact or …
reviewed Case 39. January 07, 2011
posted in MovieSucktastic
Case 39
Renee Z plays a hard-working social worker with a heart of gold (is there any other kind in Hollywood?), whose equally nice best friend (Bradley Cooper) is trying to get her in the sack. Oh dear - we …
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