Movies •Books •Music •Food •Tv Shows •Technology •Politics •Video Games •Parenting •Fashion •Green Living •more >

Lunch » People » jbeswick » Lists » Top 10 Disgusting British Foods That Might Be Awesome

Top 10 Disgusting British Foods That Might Be Awesome

Dec 5, 2010

by jbeswick
posted in Awesomeness

Those crazy Brits have endless inventiveness for terrible food. Yet weirdly enough, there are a few that many people quite like. Awful or Awesome? You decide!

Marmite

Marmite is the only product in the world that people either completely love or absolutely detest. Two phrases that have never been uttered in human history:

"Yes, I'd go for another evening of waterboarding."
"Marmite's ok - I can take it or leave it."

There is no middle ground on the black tar, which is made from the chamber pot scrapings of Sauran. Though technically "yeast extract", its supporters tend to be people without souls who use it marinade kittens.

On the other hand, you might just love it.

Black Pudding

Usually served with a classic heart attack breakfast, no fry-up is complete without a sizable serving of black pudding.

Why the name?

It's black.
It's looks like pudding

And it tastes pretty reasonable until you find out that it's actually congealed pig's blood.

Haggis

Originally the inspiration for the eggs in James Cameron's film Aliens, haggis is proof that the Scots will waste nothing when push comes to shove.

Haggis has become a rumor that sheep tell their misbehaving children, and needless to say contains all the sheep parts you generally wouldn't want to eat shoved into the sheep's own stomach. The irony!

Although it sounds like a horror movie, haggis is quite pleasant - especially when drowned with a few shots of Oban or Talisker scotch.

Toad in the Hole

Balancing the nation's penchant for sausages, potatoes and double entendres, Toad In The Hole is nothing more than battered sausages and gravy. Toads and holes are mysteriously absent, but give some allure to what is basically Pigs In a Blanket Go Wild.

Check out the gravy - yet more thick, questionable lumpy sauce hiding the food underneath. Believe it or not, when it's done well, it's better than you'd think. Not that you could eat it with haggis.

Bonus tip: serve with a good IPA or room-temperature ale.

Branston Pickle

Growing up in England, I became distrustful of thick, gravy-like lumpy sauces and dressings, usually because they contained unidentifiable animal parts or other culinary surprises.

Branston Pickle meets all the criteria for dubious food, arriving in a darkened jar so whatever goes on inside remains private. It's the sort of jar you might suspect of dealing drugs to other condiments in your refrigerator.

The great surprise is that it's delicious and makes all types of other food better - it's like the dressing version of bacon. Salads, sandwiches, meats.... oh hell, cereals - it's all better with Branston. And you can get it here at Cost Plus.

Jellied Eels

Best described by Wikipedia as "The dish consists of chopped eels boiled in a spiced stock that is allowed to cool and set, forming a jelly," the Wiki editors show their consummate professionalism by failing to add "THE MOST DISGUSTING FOOD EVER CREATED - WHAT THE HELL WERE THE BRITS THINKING?".

Jellied eels have a texture that's somewhere between the slop served in movie prisons and the bile that Bishop pukes up at the end of Aliens. And the texture is the best part since the taste is reminiscent of month-old mozzarella balls mixed with snot.

Does anyone really eat this anymore? Anyone? Apparently so.

Mushy Peas

Peas have two principal uses in life:

As an impromptu ice pack
To feature randomly in other dishes when you're out of vegetables

This was common knowledge until the Brits discovered a third use: try to recreate the green mess that Gremlins leave behind when they see sunlight.

Occasionally, you might hear some justification about how homemade mushy peas are the only authentic type, but I can assure you this is horse shit. And not the type of horse shit used in many of these other recipes.

Bonus tip: mushy peas are great for faking vomiting or diarrhea at school or work.

Heinz Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding, 9.4-Ounce Cans (Pack of 6)

"The first time I had spotted dick, I was really quite concerned. But I showed it to several other people who said it looked perfectly normal and I should enjoy it while it was still hot. My girlfriend had other ideas and seemed almost enthusiastic about sharing my spotted dick. I always recommend that you get as much spotted dick as you can!"

Ha ha ha. Needless to say, this is the country that treated Benny Hill like high art. It's a sponge pudding for God's sake.

Trifle

The classic English trifle is actually a work of culinary genius. Any other recipe would just look like "a pile of food" if you threw it all together, but the trifle successfully pretends to be that way by design.

Sponge, jelly, custard, canned fruit - there's all kind of shit in here, and if you're a true Brit you'll try to make it all float on a half-bottle of sherry. Or Drambuie. Or Scotch. In any case, it masquerades as a dessert without anyone suspecting the likely alcoholism of the cook.

Bonus tip: if you drop it on the floor, just spoon it back into the bowl - nobody will know the difference.

Irn-Bru

More of a cult than a recipe, Irn-Bru is a revolting Scottish drink that is more popular than Coke or Pepsi in certain parts of the country.

To explain how completely weird this situation is, the best US-based analogy is Dr Pepper. Dr P's sales were 104mm cans in the US in 2009, while foreign sales were 2 cans, both of which were returned with profane notes attached. Inexplicably, apparently only Americans drink Dr Pepper, leaving everyone else confused.

The same is true of Irn-Bru but in reverse. They are also renowned for their hilariously controversial ad campaigns.

What did you think of this list?

Helpful

Thought-Provoking

Fun to Read

Well-Organized

Post a Comment

hotelghost841 January 12

Well I'm a brit and I like all of the foods on this list lol especially don't understand what is wrong with toad in the hole? Its just like sausages in Yorkshire pudding batter. Also Dr Pepper is sold at every supermarket in England and I don't know anyone here who doesn't like it.

show text editor

reply to this comment

Follow this review

Sharrie January 09, 2011

Yikes! LOL... Now I know why I only go for Fish & Chips when in London! :D

show text editor

reply to this comment

Follow this review

woopak_the_thrill January 07, 2011

Yeah. This is a pretty fun list! In Filipino cuisine, we are also quite fond of pig's blood and may put it in some dishes. I do like the blood sausages I tell yah.

jbeswick January 07, 2011

I do too... I'm not sure I can buy it here, though there's a Brit store in San Fran called "You say Tomato" which might have it. Wife hates it with a passion.

show text editor

reply to this comment

Follow this review

Neg8iveZero January 05, 2011

I, being a fat American slob and also loving to cook, am intrigued by your list of shady Brit-foods. I would love to try some of this but.. eh.... where might one find a Sheep's stomach in the US of A? I suppose I could go Neanderthal on some unsuspecting livestock with a shank crudely fashioned from an old spoon... Oh how I wish we Americans had such rich culture... you guys may be swimming in the shallow end of the culinary pool but at least you have culture and history and the world doesn't really hate you... If ever I have enough money to return to the home of my forefathers (Wales) I will be sure to try whatever I can find of this list, However I fear that I will most likely just find signs written without vouls and numerous bars...

jbeswick January 05, 2011

Sheep's stomach is indeed illegal in the US due to the bacterial issues, but you can buy your very own flash-frozen haggis right here: http://www.scottishgourmetusa.com/product/Ha...USA/haggis-for-sale-usa. Hurray for the Internet! Unfortunately, much of the British culture is rapidly being erased by reality TV, poor education, and a kind of brute-like behavior that's combined soap operas and alcohol abuse to make sure that most English towns have the threat of violence hanging thickly in the air.

show text editor

reply to this comment

Follow this review

Dynosaur December 25, 2010

It's true we Brits don't have the best reputation for our culinary achievements, but I implore you to try some of these foods. Cheese and Bransdon pickle sandwiches are a staple food in my house, and toad-in-the-hole is simply delicious. As the saying goes: 'Don't knock it until you've tried it.' On the other hand, I'd recommend avoiding Marmite. Nobody should be subjected to such evil.

jbeswick December 26, 2010

Yep, I say give it all a try - you'll love 50% and hate 50%!

show text editor

reply to this comment

Follow this review

devora December 13, 2010

omg, I need to try everything on this list!!! The trifle is the only thing that looks "normal". Everything else, though, is fair game for a disgusting British food party :D

show text editor

reply to this comment

Follow this review