Befitting any spirited soiree, postprandial repose or protracted lull upon one's laxative throne, this slight compendium of apothegms sublimated by the characteristic concision of Scottish vernacular … more
Doubtless, this execrable thing is among the most repugnant motion pictures that I've seen: a fatuous, psychotically overrated, criminally galling celebration of concentrated idiocy. If the stage … more
Assiduously assembled from thousands of found canine clips, this third DVD by renowned video rapists EIT posits an astonishing remake of Alejandro Jodorowsky's surrealist classic … more
PROS: Gamboling maliciously as this flick's nefarious hacker, bleach-blonde Javier Bardem tickles a viewer's imagination with playful homoerotic intimations and histrionic harangues Despite … more
Quoth Christopher Lee: "I stopped appearing as Dracula in 1972 because in my opinion the presentation of the character had deteriorated to such an extent, particularly bringing him into … more
Months ere Robert Evans lured him to the New World to collaborate with aging B-lord William Castle in production of his breakthrough horror classic, Roman Polanski somehow cajoled Filmways and Cadre to … more
Released to theaters in the culture-quaking aftermath of two historic assassinations, Targets couldn't be expected to generate a substantial box office profit. Peter Bogdanovich's second theatrical feature … more
Travelers who find lodging at the remote Motel Hello are treated to the delicious beef jerky of Farmer Vincent (an aging Rory Calhoun), proprietor of both the inn and a popular line of smoked meat products. … more
Any mediocre writer of prose in possession of both self-awareness and some ambition to hone their syntax is condemned to repeated frustrations upon evaluating their own output typed years, months, weeks, … more
A posthumous omnibus collecting the late topical prose of twentieth-century England's most colorful novelist/essayist/poet/critic/playwright/linguist/translator/composer was at least so crucial as … more
Two moronic, banana-slinging half-siblings (Gael García Bernal, Diego Luna) ascend from peasantry to football stardom by way of their formidable talent, though their auxiliary pursuits lead them … more
From the Lifetime network's website, the channel is self-described: Lifetime Networks is a diverse, multi-media company, committed to offering the highest quality entertainment … more
Exiting a screening of Ridley Scott's ludicrous, inexplicably acclaimed sword-and-sandal epic twelve years ago, I vowed never again to pay for the trial of enduring one of his movies. Both then and … more
Four archetypes dominated comedies of class conflict in the 1980s: straight men (and women), noxious authority figures, lovably insufferable boors and the medically retarded. All are prevalent in Golan-Globus's … more
If nothing else, director/screenwriter/editor Brad Anderson possesses proven faculties for generating palpable dread and coaxing arresting performances from a gifted cast - and David Caruso, as well! … more
Utilizing an experimental hormone that he developed with his late wife, a scientist (Rock Hudson) rescues one of a few unborn puppies from the womb of a Doberman Pinscher (inadvertently struck by his … more
Sprawling serpentine throughout the Santa Monica Mountains, few roads have pricked imagination, imperiled temerarious racers or been cultivated of such a colorful history as that of Mulholland Drive and … more
As a character study, time capsule and rock drama, Paul Schrader's sixth directorial endeavor is a modest success, though not without its faults. Set in an unsightly Cleveland suburb, its subject … more
There went an indisputable visionary of three mediums, whose artwork of comic books and feature film storyboards exerted a nearly incalculable influence and evinced as much from sources as disparate as … more
Hellfire on heels, Martha's the shrill, spoiled, middle-aged daughter of a university president who won't recognize a boundary in sight of carnal or argumentative indulgence. As quick to deliver … more
Little can be stated regarding this career criminal that Gerald Celente, William Cohan, et al. haven't repeatedly and exhaustively explained. However, two points deserve reiteration: … more
Three televised series spanning seven years, six furious short films and a moist in(ter)continent(al) stage show enabled Tom Heydaanger and Erin Warsheimer to pervert the foundations of … more
Of late, the sub-literate among H'witney's devoted faithful have repeatedly lamented the loss of "A MUSECAL ICON" via YouTube and innumerable news sites. It's fun to imagine the … more
Animator Hiromasa Yonebayashi's directorial debut hasn't the compelling novelty of Hayao Miyazaki's classics nor the dramatic rigor of Isao Takahata's contributions to the Studio Ghibli … more
Though SOPA has been scuttled and probably consigned to abandonment, public vigilance is essential to ensure that subsequent bills of its ilk aren't passed. Prospectively, ACTA is far more egregious … more
Eastwood's filmic account of Hoover the Voracious, the Fastidious, the Venal - self-aggrandizing, mother's son, political paranoiac, closet queer, social inept, vindictive bureaucrat - exudes … more
Two narrative threads comprise this third and least of Hiroshi Teshigahara's collaborations with novelist/screenwriter Kobo Abe, who again adapted one of his novels with radical alterations for the … more
Like the more bombastic and obnoxious Three O'Clock High two years following, this sub-Hughesian piffle pioneered the now-dominant trend of comedic teen dramas bereft of engaging characters or plot … more
Among the most irksome of common cinematic misconceptions is the notion that John Carpenter's horror/sci-fi exemplar The Thing is a remake of Howard Hawks' The Thing From Another World. Despite … more
Here's a treat beloved of all vintage horror enthusiasts: a charming, occasionally spooky thriller directed by James Whale in his native U.K. following the success of his iconic Frankenstein adaptation. … more
At the dawn of the warring Nanboku-cho era, spent samurai of the Kusunoki army who wander into a remote area of grassy swamp are murdered by a tough, aging peasant woman (Nobuko Otowa) and her comely … more
Screenwriter Daniel Waters conceived Heathers as a three-hour epic teen comedy to end the genre while stocking shelves and registering videocassettes at a rental outlet. Thankfully, his initial vision … more
Aged and ailing, vampiric Count Dracula (Udo Kier) travels to Italy on the advice of his manservant (Arno Juerging) to find a virgin whose blood will sustain him. Soliciting a noble family of depleted … more
One can feel the J-Horror bubble burst while viewing this. A fine plot is poorly advanced by its derivative premise: college kids receive voicemail recordings via cell phone of … more
Devotees of silent films and the great scribe of Providence alike will certainly enjoy this video, a faithful adaptation of Lovecraft's tale of ominous divinity shot in exacting imitation of expressionist … more
Seven years after a homicidal lunatic terrorizes a babysitter (Carol Kane) via telephone in the home of her wealthy hosts, that same psychopath (Tony Beckley) finds himself fixated on a lonely lush (Colleen … more
Apparently, space-faring mankind in The Future of 1968 haven't especially powerful telescopes, as they only discover an enormous asteroid on a collision course with Earth thirty-odd hours prior to … more
Inspired by a mysterious, messianic figure, otherwise ordinary NYC citizens murder strangers and family alike; when asked why, they calmly explain by way of this picture's title. Obsessed with this … more
Very few actors turned directors prove themselves able in the dominant office, yet Paul Newman's debut at the helm of this tender adaptation of Margaret Laurence's A Jest of God evinces a rare … more
This critical appraisal of sickening photographs culled from fogyish kitchen publications is a thematic sequel to Lileks' earlier The Gallery of Regrettable Food, though its selections are, incredibly, … more