Movies Books Music Food Tv Shows Technology Politics Video Games Parenting Fashion Green Living more >

Lunch » Tags » Books » Reviews » My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands » User review

A book written by a 12 year old

  • Jul 15, 2010

I love stories about sex and sexuality. They run the spectrum from intense to hilarious. Usually.

Handler's My Horrizontal Life failed on just about all accounts, however.

I got about halfway through the book before I had to set it down indefinitely. I'm not sure how her publisher did it.

The tone of the writing is grating. Not only are we getting insights into a teenager's immature sex life, but we're also getting the grating, obnoxious, self-righteous tone of a teenager. I wanted to step into the story and slap her for, dare I say, being such a whiny bitch.

The story did have a strong hook. Telling the story of hiding from her father after daring her sister to take a picture of their parents having sex was engaging. But the book as a whole just did not maintain that momentum. 

I had high hopes for the story, especially after reading the first chapter, but Handler just couldn't keep me interested. If you like listening to teenagers talk about their sex lives as if they know what they're talking about, this book might be for you. If not, I recommend you pass on this one.

What did you think of this review?

Fun to Read
Post a Comment
July 16, 2010
This sounds like a truly poorly written book. I'll probably avoid this one. Thanks for the review!
More My Horizontal Life: A Collecti... reviews
review by . March 04, 2009
Candid, shocking, hilarious, crass, sometimes gross, sarcastic and somehow still charming, that's Chelsea for you. Since I've been watching her late night show on E! for over a hear and a half now I wasn't as stunned as an average reader might be but the book was still a handful, easy to read but with many "holy moly" moments through in, some parts had me laughing so loud that I thought something would burst in my body, her comedic spirit is her own, she's not pretending to be funny, it's simply …
review by . June 24, 2010
Regardless if you watch Chelsea Lately, her late night comedy show on E!, you can easily become a fan of her sarcastic and comical outlook on life.  Clearly, she is an open book and shares anything and everything on her mind.  The way she thinks, responds, and describes things are just hilariously truthful and off the wall.  She writes just like she speaks, so the book is like her talking, just telling the stories of her love life.  Be warned, she starts the book with a horrifying …
Quick Tip by . June 03, 2010
review by . June 26, 2009
There is one thing that all memoirs should have... redemption. Or at least be so funny that it doesn't matter. This fell so far from the mark of being a good memoir. It was just - sad. I would have loved to see her end up in rehab and maybe married to someone with no sexually transmitted diseases. It was like *giggle* a story *giggle* about this *giggle* little girl *giggle* in this grown up *giggle* body - that drank entirely too much (and *giggle* thought it was funny), would find the nearest …
About the reviewer
Matthew Trotter ()
Ranked #1072
I am awesome. Try me.
Consider the Source

Use Trust Points to see how much you can rely on this review.

Your ratings:
rate more to improve this
About this book


Opening with a cute story from when she was seven and photographed her parents having sex, stand-up comedian Handler goes on to discuss the virtues of the one-night stand, which amount to having sex early enough so you're not months into a relationship before you discover he's into "anal beads and duct tape." She discusses her quest for sex with a "black man," which doesn't work out because the date she finds on ChocolateSingles.com has a penis so large, she "would have had to be the size of the Lincoln Tunnel to accommodate that thing." After him, there's a "little midget," but she sobers up before sleeping with him. Next come a number of would-be partners with penises too small to consider. Finally, there's a guy Handlerdoessleep with, only an embarrassing incident involving a "giant skid mark" prevents her from seeing him again. By the end, Handler considers settling down with one man, which might actually net her more sex than these mostly unconsummated one-night stands. Anyone who laughs at the mere mention of vaginas and penises may find Handler's book almost as much fun as getting drunk and waking up in some stranger's bed.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
view wiki


ISBN-10: 1582346186
ISBN-13: 978-1582346182
Author: Chelsea Handler
Publisher: Bloomsbury USA

Polls with this book
First to Review
© 2015 Lunch.com, LLC All Rights Reserved
Lunch.com - Relevant reviews by real people.
This is you!
Ranked #
Last login
Member since