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Sh*t My Dad Says

A book by Justin Halpern.

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Sh*t My Dad Says.– Yep. Sounds about right.

  • Sep 18, 2010
Pros: Funny and relatable – provided your dad says amusing sh*t

Cons: Nope.

The Bottom Line: Selling like hotcakes. We couldn't keep any in the store for a while, and we're about to run out again. That should tell you how good it is.

We're not talking Dostoyevsky here.  This isn't high class literature or even serious nuggets of wisdom.  This is Justin Halpern's dad, Sam Halpern.  His dad says some stuff.  Sometimes it's interesting.  Sometimes it's random.  But most of the time it's straight up amusing.

Sh*t My Dad Says started out simply enough.  A few of Justin's friends said he should chronicle the stuff his dad says using Twitter.  Suddenly Justin had a following.  A big following.  It got to the point that someone decided they wanted Justin to put all this dad goodness into a book.  And now it's going on to be a television show starring William Shatner.  All because of the things Justin's dad says.

While I don't know how the TV show is going to work, I can say that the book was pretty funny.  It's a small book that will probably take a while to come out in hardcover given its overall size and current selling power.  But hey, if you have a Nook, Kindle, or any other electronic device that allows you to read digital books, you can always go that route.

As for the contents of the book, I used to think my dad said some pretty enlightening stuff.  He did and still does, though I believe his stories about Las Vegas mobsters and the like are the best.  Justin's dad, on the other hand, is a totally different type of guy.  He says stuff that always seems to have something in it that makes you laugh out loud.  An example?  This is how the book begins:

"All I ask is that you pick up your shit so you don't leave your bedroom looking like it was used for a gang bang.  Also, sorry that your girlfriend dumped you."

That one had me going right there.  A lot of these quotes are along the lines of things you would read, laugh yourself, and then wonder, "Who says that?"  Obviously Justin's dad does.  The book isn't just quotes either.  You get a few pages worth of them before Justin gives you a full story behind one or two, such as his dad exploding over Little League (with good reason) or defending his house against intruders (or as it turned out, Aunt Jeanne).  I wondered if maybe he'd be saying the same sort of stuff if he'd had daughters instead of sons, though I do imagine Sam Halpern would be the sort to saunter out into the living room with a shotgun while his daughter's date were there.  (and by the way girls, there's nothing wrong with that.  You may think your dad is scaring away the guys, and he's certainly not against doing that, but if the guy can't man up and handle it, he's not worth your time anyway).

A lot of these will have you in some state of amusement, from smiling and just shaking your head in that "Oh geez," way to laughing out loud.  I was always sitting in the break room at work just laughing away and always getting looks from people.  Hey, it's a funny book.  Read and enjoy.  It's not rocket science.  Oh, and thanks Mr. Halpern - all your wisdom over a bowl of Grape Nuts has made me want to go out and get a box of Grape Nuts.

Want a few more before you decide?

"The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two."

"You have to pack a sandwich.  It can't just be cookies and bullshit.  ...No, I said if you packed it yourself, you could pack it how you want it, not pack it like a moron."


P.S. If you read this and start to judge Justin's dad about his parenting skills, various opinions, and so forth based on the handful of quotes in this book, you need to put down and return said book because quite obviously, you do not know how to have a good time.  You're also quite obviously way too judgmental.  Seriously.  Lighten up.


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November 07, 2010
Sounds like a really funny book! I love the ending to your review too. Always good to lighten up once in a while. ;)
February 02, 2011
sh*+ this review cracked me up LOL!
February 09, 2011
Me too! I voted for it for the 2011 Lunch Awards. :)
November 05, 2010
Hahahahaha, I love the twitter account, now it looks like I'll have to check out the book, too! Thanks for sharing this awesome review, Nicole :)
October 14, 2010
I've seen some of these on Twitter and always wondered what the story was behind them! I didn't know it was a book, though- how cool. I might have to put this on the TBR list. Thanks for sharing!

Question: Do you really think it's going to translate well into TV? How would they make that work? And William Shatner? That should be interesting at least.
October 14, 2010
Don't know. It's just one of those things where I think I'll have to watch to find out. It could go either way...
October 14, 2010
Yep, I think so too! Now, if it was Sh*t My Mom Says and had Betty White....then, we'd be in business! I totally agree with @mwoodpen and @lyssachttr...
More Sh*t My Dad Says reviews
review by . December 16, 2010
Fathers and sons
 Sh*t My Dad Says is billed all over the net as hilarious, and now has its own TV spin off. I haven't seen the TV show, but just having finished the book, I'm left wondering what all the cheering's about. Justin Halpern has written a memoir about life with his father, a brilliant medical researcher who strangely expresses himself at home with the vocabulary of a frat boy. Take away all the instances of the f bomb, "bullsh*t", and the references to "jer*ing off", …
review by . April 07, 2011
This is a very funny book. As the title of my review says, I laughed from beginning to end. Every so often I just had to disturb my wife with one of the quotes from the book, at which she laughed also.      There's no question that the author's father's comments were often littered with profanity, but take out the swear words and there was a lot of good advice contained in them. Even though he hollered a lot at his son, as the book shows he really loved him and cared …
review by . October 20, 2010
At the age of 28, writer Justin Halpern moves back home with his parents. One day, after his Dad was rather prophetic concerning their dog's bodily function, Halpern used the quote as his instant messaging away message. Friends suggested that he create a Twitter page and post the daily musings. As the number of followers to his Twitter page rose rapidly, Halpern was pursued by literary agents, TV producers, and reporters. The result of all of those tweets was this book and a television show.   …
review by . October 18, 2010
posted in Awesomeness
** BAD LANGUAGE AHEAD! ** REVIEW RATED R **      Funny books are hard to come by for some reason, and this one has to rank as one of the funniest I've read in years. In terms of gaging where it lies on the comedic landscape, if you thought Les Grossman was the funniest part of Tropic Thunder - and you thought Tropic Thunder was a good movie - I can safely predict you'll be laughing yourself to tears reading this. I'm still suffering from the stomach cramps it caused …
review by . July 11, 2010
This book is a collection of random one-liners of a true grumpy old man, recorded by his son. Topics range from pop culture to sports and the laziness of said son. If you like Family Guy or Married With Children this book is for you. The sarcasm and gruff are hilarious. This is a great book to have lying around for friends to pick up and flip through. There's laughs on every page. It would make a great father's day present or birthday gift for your own sarcastic dad. Just be sure it doesn't …
About the reviewer
Nicole ()
Ranked #165
Age: 27 Currently: Freelancing my butt off and querying my other novel, Blood for Wolves. Who likes seriously factured fairy tales? =D      Like books? Then take it from a real, live … more
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Photographs from Sh*t My Dad Says
I have no idea why I'm sopping wet in this photo, but I'm going to guess it's because I rolled in something filthy or spilled something on myself. Hosing me down was my dad’s favorite method for cleaning me off. Here I am with my dad in his garden, which he adores and whose upkeep he takes very seriously. "It's my first love, besides your mother and horse racing. And you and your brothers, too, I suppose," he’s said. My dad used to carry me on his shoulders quite a bit when I was a child--until the time I accidentally urinated on him while I was up there. We were at a neighbor’s house and he quickly ran outside, threw me off, ripped off his shirt, then hosed me down like he was from the CDC and I'd come in contact with the Ebola Virus.

My dad is an avid reader, and all throughout my childhood he’d come home after working for 12 hours and we’d sit on the couch and read together. My family’s trip to the Grand Canyon in 1983 was one of only two family vacations we took. It coincided with the time when my dad started to lose his hair, and decided he'd wear hats to mask his increasing baldness. It wasn’t long before he changed his tune, tossed the caps, and decided he didn’t care what anyone else thought.

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ISBN-10: 0061992704
ISBN-13: 978-0061992704
Author: Justin Halpern
Genre: Humor
Publisher: It Books
Date Published: May 04, 2010
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