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Sh*t My Dad Says

A book by Justin Halpern.

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"You've got good friends. I like them. I don't think they'd f*** your girlfriend. If you had one."

  • Oct 18, 2010

Funny books are hard to come by for some reason, and this one has to rank as one of the funniest I've read in years. In terms of gaging where it lies on the comedic landscape, if you thought Les Grossman was the funniest part of Tropic Thunder - and you thought Tropic Thunder was a good movie - I can safely predict you'll be laughing yourself to tears reading this. I'm still suffering from the stomach cramps it caused several dozen times, and would strongly recommend not reading as bedtime material or anywhere you're likely to get arrest for uncontrollable giggles (like an airplane).

Sam Halpern, the Dad who says the 'stuff' in the book, is a genius of the one-liner. Like a politically incorrect Mitch Hedberg, each pithy line balances an element of truth, shock and Haiku-like economy with words.After an observation of a dog needing the bathroom ("You can tell from the dilation of his asshole that he's going to shit soon"), the author's friends rightly recommended that he should use Twitter to broadcast these mini moments of epiphany. Then the entertainment industrial complex rightly had him churn out this book, which was ever-so-rightly made into a new TV series.

As an aside, it goes to show the absolutely coolness of the Dad that he's played by William Shatner. Nobody I know - myself especially - would ever be played by Shatner, and I couldn't read the book without picturing him spewing out the lines (in between flashbacks of his LSD-induced Rocketman, oak-tree wooden Star Trek acting and Priceline negotiations). In fact, let me know anybody you know who could be played by Shatner, and let's start writing a script.

Anyway, the plot is really a series of anecdotes, all of which would be yawn-inducingly pedestrian without the increasingly frank, bizarre and downright outrageous and hilarious contributions of the Dad. Actually, it probably helps the humor the fact that nothing really happens in the life of the author, who is painted as a self-deprecating directionless slacker with a monotone existence punctuated with these one-sentence reality checks from his father.

Needless to say, if you like reading humor - even it's pretty crude at times - I can't give this enough stars. I leave you with some final moments of inspiration from Sh*t My Dad Says.

Discussing the gay people in West Hollywood:
"Trust me, none of them would ever want to fuck you anyway. They're gay, not blind."

On Screenwriting:
"It's like being on a merry-go-round, except the horse you're riding fucks you."

On today's hairstyles:
"Do people your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking."

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November 05, 2010
Between you and @ssjakira1, I'm sold! I've gotta get this book and there's a TV series....hmmm....wonder how that'll translate?
November 06, 2010
Seriously, you won't regret it. Haven't seen the TV show but can't wait!
More Sh*t My Dad Says reviews
review by . September 18, 2010
Pros: Funny and relatable – provided your dad says amusing sh*t      Cons: Nope.      The Bottom Line: Selling like hotcakes. We couldn't keep any in the store for a while, and we're about to run out again. That should tell you how good it is.      We're not talking Dostoyevsky here.  This isn't high class literature or even serious nuggets of wisdom.  This is Justin Halpern's dad, Sam Halpern.  …
review by . December 16, 2010
Fathers and sons
 Sh*t My Dad Says is billed all over the net as hilarious, and now has its own TV spin off. I haven't seen the TV show, but just having finished the book, I'm left wondering what all the cheering's about. Justin Halpern has written a memoir about life with his father, a brilliant medical researcher who strangely expresses himself at home with the vocabulary of a frat boy. Take away all the instances of the f bomb, "bullsh*t", and the references to "jer*ing off", …
review by . April 07, 2011
This is a very funny book. As the title of my review says, I laughed from beginning to end. Every so often I just had to disturb my wife with one of the quotes from the book, at which she laughed also.      There's no question that the author's father's comments were often littered with profanity, but take out the swear words and there was a lot of good advice contained in them. Even though he hollered a lot at his son, as the book shows he really loved him and cared …
review by . October 20, 2010
At the age of 28, writer Justin Halpern moves back home with his parents. One day, after his Dad was rather prophetic concerning their dog's bodily function, Halpern used the quote as his instant messaging away message. Friends suggested that he create a Twitter page and post the daily musings. As the number of followers to his Twitter page rose rapidly, Halpern was pursued by literary agents, TV producers, and reporters. The result of all of those tweets was this book and a television show.   …
review by . July 11, 2010
This book is a collection of random one-liners of a true grumpy old man, recorded by his son. Topics range from pop culture to sports and the laziness of said son. If you like Family Guy or Married With Children this book is for you. The sarcasm and gruff are hilarious. This is a great book to have lying around for friends to pick up and flip through. There's laughs on every page. It would make a great father's day present or birthday gift for your own sarcastic dad. Just be sure it doesn't …
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James Beswick ()
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Photographs from Sh*t My Dad Says
I have no idea why I'm sopping wet in this photo, but I'm going to guess it's because I rolled in something filthy or spilled something on myself. Hosing me down was my dad’s favorite method for cleaning me off. Here I am with my dad in his garden, which he adores and whose upkeep he takes very seriously. "It's my first love, besides your mother and horse racing. And you and your brothers, too, I suppose," he’s said. My dad used to carry me on his shoulders quite a bit when I was a child--until the time I accidentally urinated on him while I was up there. We were at a neighbor’s house and he quickly ran outside, threw me off, ripped off his shirt, then hosed me down like he was from the CDC and I'd come in contact with the Ebola Virus.

My dad is an avid reader, and all throughout my childhood he’d come home after working for 12 hours and we’d sit on the couch and read together. My family’s trip to the Grand Canyon in 1983 was one of only two family vacations we took. It coincided with the time when my dad started to lose his hair, and decided he'd wear hats to mask his increasing baldness. It wasn’t long before he changed his tune, tossed the caps, and decided he didn’t care what anyone else thought.

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ISBN-10: 0061992704
ISBN-13: 978-0061992704
Author: Justin Halpern
Genre: Humor
Publisher: It Books
Date Published: May 04, 2010
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