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Google Music (Beta!)

Google's cloud music player

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Google solves the Frisbee problem

  • Jun 1, 2011
You know how it is - a quick walk in the park on a sunny day and you realize you've forgotten your Frisbee. It's a common problem and unless you have a 12-pack from the sports section of Costco, you're most likely shit out of luck.

If this sounds familiar, you're going to love Google Music, a new service from the company that brought you the Internet, made you pissed off with wherever you actually work, and generally produced everything that was warm and friendly in the last decade.

The incredibly large brains at Google have combined their collective IQs to solve this and other problems including:

  • Division by zero (easy)
  • Making Microsoft soil themselves (medium)
  • Fixing Saturday Night Live (virtually impossible)

Seeing the Frisbee-less masses has made Larry Page sad. As with many of the things he thinks about in the shower and bathroom generally, there has been a subsequent leap in the PageRank of anything to do with Frisbees and throwing things generally. Google engineers found three ways of addressing the oh-too-common Frisbee issue:

  • Install Frisbee dispensers in 100 feet intervals in every park in the country
  • Get car manufacturers to add Frisbees in a sort of car-ish version of Dell's bloatware.
  • Find other common useless discs that can act as Frisbee substitutes.

The first idea was seriously considered, since the Google Streetview prisoners could install the dispensers while driving mindlessly around the world. For those who don't know, the Streetview prisoners live like the cast of Lost, roaming aimlessly around the country in modified Priuses (Prii?) like UPS workers without packages, so this solution made a lot of sense. The second choice almost made the cut except that the Frisbee thing got confused with some green energy initiative and was shut down by GM. 

Finally, Google decided that the simplest, fastest way was to make the existing job of CDs pointless - or "reimagined" in the words of Disney. The result is that all of us now have several hundred Frisbees available in our homes, cars and closets. Even friends owe us Frisbees they never returned, and your local Borders will be crapping out Frisbees like a shot-put machine having a seizure.

So once again, we are all indebted to Google and can only dream of kissing the seismically-large foreheads of its Megaminds Larry and Sergei. Now if only I listened to music, I could tell you what it does.

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June 01, 2011
Random, but hilarious analogy. Will have to check this out. I love me some Google apps.
June 01, 2011
It's hot on the heels of Amazon's Music Cloud but looks to be a model of awesomeness. I'm personally tired of CDs, cassettes and any of that plastickery. FREE THE MUSIC!!!
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James Beswick ()
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