By Jason Standart
Grew up with friends and family that I love and love me
Yet I’ve always felt alone.
The pain that people have caused me
I fear has turned my heart into stone
Why can’t I say “I Love You”
What is wrong with me
This is not the person that I wanted to be
The pain in my heart will not go away
Tell me how long is it going to stay
Growing up faster, and faster everyday
I must be the second parent
It’s the only way.
The only way to keep the family together
Sacrificing me for them so their life’s will be better
Don’t worry about me I don’t need to go out
I will stay in, so you can learn what life’s all about.
Responsibility and parenthood that’s all that I’ve known
You must be the man, don’t cry and don’t moan.
Taking care of others before myself
Putting all of my needs on the back shelve.
As I get older my responsibilities grow
A new baby on the way, I must take care of I know.
One more to protect, keep safe, and out of harm.
Protecting others is all that I know
But when is my turn to be protected
Maybe I’ll never know.
Growing up with no man, no teacher, no pal
Growing up without a dad is like living in hell
Don’t show my emotions, I have to stay strong
To take care of them, I must act like nothing is wrong.
Don’t trust and don’t open your heart
Those are words that I live by,
Even though they are wrong
No man will come in again and cause me to cry.
Drugs and abuse that is the past that I seen
Is it my destiny to repeat it?
No! That will never be me.
The fear is still there, that I’ll get sucked in that whole
This is why I don’t drink, for the fear of losing control.
Tears in her eyes, the bruise on her arm
Never again will anyone cause my mom harm.
Three men that I trust , one happens to be gay
My comfort level goes up because I know he won’t hurt us that same way.
Not like the others
Not like before
Learn to be a man not from them, but him is what I aim for.
Alone, full of sadness with no one to talk to
No one there to help me get through
Most people have best friends, to tell secrets, not me
I stayed to myself so that no one could see.
See the pain that I hide
The secrets that I keep
I won’t share it with no one, not even a peep.
Don’t feel sorry, don’t feel sad
Compared to others my life’s not that bad.
Don’t know what I’m doing, don’t know who I am
Why does my life feel like a sham.
A life that’s not lived, no experiences gained
All because of the fact that my heart has been stained.
For know this is my Istorya, part one of what I choose to share
Part two will come when my heart is there.
Maybe one day my heart will again open
I know that it will because it’s bruised but not broken.
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