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Machete Kills

a 2013 action film directed by Robert Rodriguez and starring Danny Trejo

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"Machete don't....oooh shiny!"

  • Oct 22, 2013
Rating:
-1
When I did my review of the first Machete film, I thought it would be cute to use an online translator and make the title of the review in Spanish.  This time I didn't even bother since if Robert Rodriguez doesn't give a crap about his movie, why should I?

I'm sure he and the other actors had fun MAKING it, but as the kind of fun follow up to the first film with all the splatter, sex and slaughter that the first one had, the sequel either doesn't try hard enough or simply gives up cause they couldn't think of anything to top what they had already done.

That doesn't however give this movie the excuse of one of the worst signs of ADD I've seen in a movie ever.  Machete is out to stop some armed goons, does he?  No some other guys show up.  Do they fight?  No guys just get shot in plain sight, but thats fine Machete is off to his next mission-he meets the President who wants a nuke stopped.  Does Machete take the job?  Yes, but first off to a brothel?  What, Machete gonna get some like in the first movie?  Sort of, he does before the stop, he's at the brothel to meet a contact?  Is she important?  No, well sort of but Machete gets to where he's going anyway, and then the bad buy really isn't that bad and Machete needs to get away......NOW continue with what I was just doing there for the REMAINDER OF THE MOVIE.  This story can't decide what it wants to do and it ends up in space so that we can have Machete....IN SPACE!  The majority of the film even has a doomsday clock scenario but at no point is there a feeling of urgency or a need to hurry to the climax even though the WORLD is at stake.

In between all that crap, do we see any gruesome deaths or action?  A little, but nothing we haven't seen before and better from the first movie and with significantly less of it

Any hot women?  Sure, Michelle Rodriguiz is back as She, sort of this movie's version of Snake Plissken a badass with eyepatch and smart ass remark with every line and Sofia Vergara as the man hating head of the brothel who sports mini guns in her bustier and even gets to make use of an old From Dusk Till Dawn prop in another scene- and finally Lady Gaga as an assassin and Gaga is actually-hot?  Yeah.  Maybe she didn't dress herself for this movie.

The men of the cast are great too with Walton Goggins as another hitman who for his lone scene makes his appearance a highlight.  Mel Gibson as the dippy but ugly head of an arms manufacturer and finally Charlie Sheen as, President Rathcock.  Yes that is his name, and Sheen honestly put more confidence in me as a leader then our last few Presidents in real life.

If you were expecting the same kind of zippy fun of the first Machete-forget it it's gone.  While I'm sure the third part of this series will get made, I hope they can put some fun and order into the film instead of just "stuff happens".  Stuff happened in the first film but I actually could follow and care about what went on there.  The only real good thing here is maybe we could get a President Rathcock movie as a spinoff.

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October 24, 2013
I really enjoyed the first one and was thinking that this film would be a stiff. Still if I get a chance I will go.
October 28, 2013
The first one is great. This one is just too scatterbrained. Lacking the sleaze and interesting death scenes of the first. hell this one reuses the ripped out intestines bit the first one did.
 
October 23, 2013
I was going to try and see this when it came out, and then my buddy said it was just too silly and ridiculous, more focused on laughs than what made the first movie action-packed, silly and fun....I guess it's not a complaint but he made it sound like it would be better as a rental instead.
October 28, 2013
This is a lot like Sherlock Holmes 2. If you didn't like the first one, you won't like this one. It isn't going to sway people that the first film didn't get.
 
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More Machete Kills reviews
Quick Tip by . October 22, 2013
Follow up to the sleazy and bloody 2010 film has the super duper ex Federale after badguys with nukes. Doesn't deliver enough of the splatter or fun of the first, delivers on little that is new or exciting.
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John Nelson ()
Ranked #8
Born in Wausau Wisconsin. Move at an early age to Ventura California and lived for 8 years. Growing up in a big city landscape didn't prepare me for my next move: Archbold Ohio with a population of … more
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Wiki

Machete Kills is a 2013 American Comedy exploitation action film written and directed by Robert Rodriguez. The film is the third based on Grindhouse fake trailers; the first were Machete and Hobo with a Shotgun. Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Tom Savini, Billy Blair, Electra and Elise Avellan, Felix Sabates, and Jessica Alba reprise their roles from the first film, and are joined by series newcomers including Mel Gibson, Demián Bichir, Amber Heard, Sofía Vergara, Lady Gaga, Antonio Banderas, Cuba Gooding Jr., Vanessa Hudgens, Alexa Vega, William Sadler, Marko Zaror, and Charlie Sheen (credited as "Carlos Estévez"). The film follows the titular ex-federale (Trejo) as he is recruited by the U.S. President (Sheen) to stop an arms dealer (Gibson) and a revolutionary (Bichir). The film was released on October 11, 2013.

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Action, Mel Gibson, Robert Rodriguez, Jessica Alba, Danny Trejo, Machete Kills, Exploitation Movie, 2013 Film

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