Ever wonder why I reviewed so much after I hit review # 300? Well, it was because I wanted to hit review # 400 real quick so I can do a very special LUNCHER PROFILE. I originally intended to do this profile for review # 350 but I decided to make it more shall we say a “landmark” review for everybody’s favorite, ever-good guy Sean Rhodes. First I would like to apologize to Sean for being a little late but I am sure he understands why this was delayed. I first came across one of his reviews in
amazon.com back in the late 90’s when I was a gamer. I never really interacted with anyone in that site before even when I came back to review in the site in 2005. I lost track of Sean’s reviews after my glory days of video gaming.
Little did I know that I would run across one of his reviews here at
Lunch.com many years later. After that first comment, I started to follow this guy around the site and one thing I have to say about him is that he is one of the most respectful, most polite, nicest guy in the internet (I do hope he doesn‘t keep dead bodies in his basement). The man even has his own code in writing his reviews and responding to comments. You may read it under his own
REVIEWS ON LUNCH topic. He gave me a tribute a few months ago for his review # 200, now here I am doing for him for my own review # 400. Well, my friends, I am always up to something and intend to catch up on my monthly Luncher profiles soon enough. Sean has a variety of reviews that are highly diversified; I always said that he is one of the most creative reviewers in Lunch, he is analytical and never backs down from challenging topics; and yet, he remains impartial to what he writes. His motto is “Assume Nothing, Question Everything” and he seems to really live by this code.
Ok, This tribute is something a little unorthodox as I try tell a fictional story based on my interview with my friend Sean Rhodes. Let’s just say that this is an “inspired by” tale on Sean….
Chapter One: Sean Writes a review and encounters a troll…
In the quest for understanding and the goal of helping others to make an informed purchase, Sean encounters some cowardly trolls who hides behind the internet to insult you and just so they can get attention. Sean being the way he is, tries to understand them. Hm. Trolls can be fun he thinks. Then…he wonders “what drives trolls to such behavior” so he almost sets out to write an analysis. But then what he finds is that they are his pet peeves and enlists the aid of the king of punk rocker @
trashcanman to rid the internet of the trolls. But the trolls return because they are like super-villains, mild-mannered by day, trolls by night. So Sean unleashes his “Typing FU” by typing 70 words per minute while trolls can only type a mere 10 words a minute. The internet is spared the horror of more trolls…
Chapter Two: Sean becomes interested in reviewing…
When he was thirteen years old, in the quest for playing more video games he comes across some customer reviews that sparked his interest. Some of his reviews said: “This game sucks” or “whoever likes this game is gay”. Puzzled, Sean thinks to himself: “I can do this, but how can a video game be related to being a homo?” The reviews he saw were so bad that he set out to review video games and strategy guides. He sucked too in his early years in writing reviews, but not supreme “suckage” since he always tries to back up his claims when he writes a negative review. Sean’s goals in reviewing: Later at 16, and typing at 70 words a minute, Sean begins to develop a “diarrhea of the keyboard”, but with practice he develops something else at 19...
Chapter Three: How Sean Writes his reviews…
Trying to keep up with his 70 words a minute, Sean starts to develop a style in reviewing. Sean usually never writes anything down when he reviews a video game, since for him, it isn’t really hard to remember what sucks in a gameplay. With movies he discusses the movie with his friends and assign some grades when it is over and researches the names of the cast and the director so he can include this information. He does take notes when he reviews a book since he reads a little over 20 words a minute (joking). It is also a little difficult when you haven’t eaten and yet he likes real spicy food. (Gosh, wonder if he drafts, researches or thinks about his reviews while in the bathroom?)
Chapter Four: Someone takes Sean’s Food out from his own plate…
Sean is pretty charismatic. You can just tell that you are in the presence of a very intelligent, well-rounded individual when you talk/chat with Sean Rhodes. The thing is the guy can get easily distracted, as I will prove with this story.
While hanging out in a restaurant with his friends, Sean orders some food to eat and one of his friends named Dan doesn’t place an order for food. Sean becomes so enthralled and distracted talking to waiters and his friends about video games and stuff that he forgot to eat and Dan digs into his plate. So there you have it, Sean is a humanitarian, he talks and feeds others. I guess if I haven’t any money I’d love to go with Sean to a restaurant and order nothing…talk to him and then go home fed. I guess we’ll have to create a FOOD-GONOMIC keyboard so Sean can eat while he types.
Chapter Five: Sean Forgets to EAT…
I’ll let him narrate this one:
“I've never really thought about my favorite food much, but I am a sucker for spicy food. Haha, but asking me to choose a favorite is like asking me to pick out my favorite star in the sky. It's really hard for me to do. On the other hand I will point out that the reason it's probably hard is because I'll actually sometimes forget to eat. I wish that was a joke, but it's not. If my friends didn't remind me to eat a meal I'd probably NEVER eat a meal. I guess you could say that if I didn't have to eat to live I'd rarely do it. My mind is often in other places. It's actually really sad when you greet a friend and the first thing out of his mouth is, "Have you eaten today?" What's even sadder is when it's four in the afternoon and my response is "Actually, no..." and then I realize I've been up since seven that morning. I'm starting to wonder if that's a medical condition or if it's just me. It's a good thing I have a large network of friends who are quick to say, "You know Sean if you don't eat you'll, uh, die." When I was 19 I actually wound up in the hospital once because I neglected to eat for over 48 hours. The doctors were... amused, to say the least. "How does a 19 year old BOY neglect to eat!?" one said to me. And she seemed genuinely curious. I was only in the hospital for a day but people won't ever let me forget it. And you'd be surprised how venomous some of my friends can get when they find out I haven't eaten for more than even an hour. My brother, in comparison, can't seem to stop eating. I think he has two stomachs that are bottomless. Of note however, I do have foods that I like. ...Waffles included.”
Seriously, dude, I hope you do remember to eat ON TIME these days.
So there you have it: The fantastic reviewer that is Sean Rhodes. He likes jasmine and green tea, and he likes spicy food. This guy even likes waffles.
Lover of video games, movies and books. Now Let’s hope he remembers to have his meals. As good a reviewer that he is, he would make a HORRIBLE Food critic because he forgets to eat…
Wow, you actually captured me really well. You know I don't have bodies in my basement. Just a bunch of guys who come by for food when they're hungry because they know I won't eat it! Then I'll stick around just so that I can understand them a little bit!
This is awesome man! This was such an entertaining read.